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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
irie · 19/12/2025 19:22

thing is she has your keys and alarm code, i wouldn't mention it until you next see her and can take the key off her and change the code, otherwise god knows what she will do!!

Ohpleeeease · 19/12/2025 19:23

Resist the temptation to react on Facebook, you don’t want to find yourself getting involved in a spat with her family and friends.

I’d find this hard to overlook because of the privacy and security angle. On the other hand, any way you raise it is going to result in her being either very embarrassed or very resentful to the extent that she might feel unable to work for you.

How important is your privacy to you and how difficult would it be to replace her?

Onelifeonly · 19/12/2025 19:23

I couldn't trust someone who deceived people like that, and as has been said, she has your keys. I'd get a new cleaner.

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 19:23

How very MN. Cleaner breaches trust and privacy and they’re telling the client to reward her with a bonus.

OPs still just a client and not a friend of the cleaner and the fact is she has been not only strange but unprofessional .

It’s too much for OP to be trying to play psychologist with her and uncover the reason for this. because let’s face it - this is very creepy behaviour.

It’s not your garden variety boring lie or something someone has said in the spur of the moment while under pressure to answer questions.

She really went home, had a think and thought this was a good idea to post this. 🚩

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Post picture from FB of my home that I didn’t want posted on FB? 🤔

OP posts:
Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:24

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:21

I did. On Monday, after we parted ways (so before I left the house and she took the photos). Gave her a generous cash bonus, wine, biscuits, and a bottle of perfume (same as one I have because she’s always complimenting it- I just realised that’s not helping the Single White Female image!!)

For those saying her family and friends would surely notice. She’s British but we live in a different European country and she doesn’t have family here and never really talks about them visiting (her elderly parents are in England and she travels to them regularly). I’m not sure re: friends. She rarely mentions plans to meet friends over weekends etc. She’s a single mum to three young kids, works part time and then does cleaning on the side a few days a week. One of her children is disabled. I’m guessing she doesn’t have too much time for socialising.

Show quote history

You do sound really kind. What are you planning to do now, if anything?

Bearbookagainandagain · 19/12/2025 19:25

If anything it's a bit humiliating for her... She probably didn't realise you were in the group too.
As long as the house isn't recognisable it wouldn't bother me much.

But if you do care, I would privately ask her to remove the post - without making too much of a fuss.

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 19:27

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

@DeadlyDead would you mind elaborating on this? In what way is she sensitive?

seaelephant · 19/12/2025 19:28

If she posted pictures of my home without permission saying 'look at my friend's lovely home!' I'd maybe be a bit peeved but let it go

it's the fact that she's lying that its her own that would really bother me, I don't think I could accept that

SatsumaDog · 19/12/2025 19:28

She’s doing what millions of people do every day when they post on social media. Pretending she’s something she’s not. She wants attention and compliments and this was an easy way to do it. I don’t think it’s stalkerish in terms of she’d do anything to you, but I do think she has low self esteem and is likely very unhappy in her life. Doing this kind of thing is escapism from that. I wouldn’t mention it at all and just keep an eye on things moving forward.

Ukefluke · 19/12/2025 19:29

I think its a bit sad really. Its probably something she can never aspire to having. I would let it go.
Its not a security risk. It doesnt have your address and it has so ebody elses name to it

WallaceinAnderland · 19/12/2025 19:31

Have you looked to see if she's posted anything else about your house in the past?

huuskymam · 19/12/2025 19:33

I'd comment on the post why shes putting up photos of your home without your permission and claiming it's her. Then I'd message her privately and tell her her services and no longer required.

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:36

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 19:27

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

@DeadlyDead would you mind elaborating on this? In what way is she sensitive?

Edited

She can be a bit snitty. I have high shine cream porcelain tiles in my hallway. They’re a bugger to clean. Any drop of water leaves a mark. I asked her before to go back over them with once she’s mopped to dry them (using a fluffy long handled buffer thingy I have- don’t know what they’re called but they’re like a mop with a microfiber attachment at the end) and she was clearly unimpressed. Told me she’s cleaned hundreds of floors and the problem is my tiles, and not how she cleans them and she’s never had anyone complain before. I told her it absolutely is the tiles and they need to be dried because the water marks dry in, regardless of who cleans them.

Another time, I asked her to please put her coffee cup into the dishwasher when she was finished (if I’m not home I’ve told her to help herself to the coffee machine- I genuinely don’t mind). It was just annoying to come home after paying for a clean and finding an upturned cup on the side of the sink. I accept that’s a little irritant but I said it nicely, and her response was to tell me it was fine and she’d bring her own coffee in a travel cup instead. I told her that wasn’t what I meant but if she preferred to bring her own coffee that was fine, then she backed down and now the cups go in the dishwasher.

OP posts:
MrsVBS · 19/12/2025 19:36

I’d be furious, if she can do this I wouldn’t trust her with any aspect of my house. She sounds unhinged.

Gardener82 · 19/12/2025 19:37

I’d comment on the post, something like… Please take the photos of my home of social media please. We can discuss this when I see you next.

Coldiron · 19/12/2025 19:40

All cleaners go bad eventually

Catwalking · 19/12/2025 19:41

huuskymam · 19/12/2025 19:33

I'd comment on the post why shes putting up photos of your home without your permission and claiming it's her. Then I'd message her privately and tell her her services and no longer required.

I love this idea! 😊😊😊

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:42

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:36

She can be a bit snitty. I have high shine cream porcelain tiles in my hallway. They’re a bugger to clean. Any drop of water leaves a mark. I asked her before to go back over them with once she’s mopped to dry them (using a fluffy long handled buffer thingy I have- don’t know what they’re called but they’re like a mop with a microfiber attachment at the end) and she was clearly unimpressed. Told me she’s cleaned hundreds of floors and the problem is my tiles, and not how she cleans them and she’s never had anyone complain before. I told her it absolutely is the tiles and they need to be dried because the water marks dry in, regardless of who cleans them.

Another time, I asked her to please put her coffee cup into the dishwasher when she was finished (if I’m not home I’ve told her to help herself to the coffee machine- I genuinely don’t mind). It was just annoying to come home after paying for a clean and finding an upturned cup on the side of the sink. I accept that’s a little irritant but I said it nicely, and her response was to tell me it was fine and she’d bring her own coffee in a travel cup instead. I told her that wasn’t what I meant but if she preferred to bring her own coffee that was fine, then she backed down and now the cups go in the dishwasher.

Show quote history

I really feel for her.

Christmaseree · 19/12/2025 19:42

I couldn’t trust her again, I’d worry about her having people over if I was on holiday etc.

Joeydoesntsharefood25 · 19/12/2025 19:43

While on the face of it this is flattering and fairly harmless its what it implies that would bother me. She is dishonest. I wouldn't want a dishonest person working in my home. What else has she been dishonest about?

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 19:43

Catwalking · 19/12/2025 19:41

I love this idea! 😊😊😊

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Happy Christmas to you too.

MissAmbrosia · 19/12/2025 19:43

Just sack her. If this is really how it happened it is unforgiveable.

Muddlethroughmam · 19/12/2025 19:45

Cleaner here.

  1. I don't take photos of peoples homes without their written permission
  2. That's bloody weird.
Picklelily99 · 19/12/2025 19:46

I'd probably want to 'out' her, by taking similar photos myself and posting them on the same group. I get that she obviously loves your deccies, but 2nd hand compliments don't mean a thing!

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