Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

This is exactly what I was going to say!

It's just too creepy for me to ignore. Even if you said something and she gave a plausible explanation I would feel the trust had gone.

i mean, taking photos of your private space and posting it on a public forum for strangers to see - it's not ok!

This is bonkers.

Is this real though? As surely on fb she has enough close friends and family to know that it’s not her house?

Oh god I’m torn!
My initial reaction is to think WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, and be absolutely livid. I would be gobsmacked if I was you! It’s just so weird and a bit creepy. Also was she stood around doing this photoshoot whilst you were paying her to work? I’d really not be happy.

But then I think this is so fucking embarassing, she’d be mortified if she got called out. She’s obviously got her reasons for feeling a need to do this, and it’s all a bit sad.

If I was you I wouldn’t be able to let it go though. I’d screenshot it and send it to her with a text asking her to remove the photos.

Time to find a new cleaner. When she next turns up ask for the keys and tell her her services are no longer required, and why.

We had a cleaner who did the houses on either side of us, and who promised to be totally discreet. A few months in she told us that the people on one side gave 10% of their salary to charity - she knew because she had found the paperwork in the bin. A couple of weeks later she mentioned that the woman on the other side had just had a gynaelogical operation, (which we didn’t know about).

At that point we decided we couldn’t trust her and fired her.

This is where if you dont say anything she will think its ok to push more. Your boundaries have been shat over it needs to be addressed. I would also worry what else she might be doing or has done. Ps people who are sensitive can't be told manipulate others to pussy foot around them so they can crack on. But thats your home, you pay her to do a job and trust something personal and intimate to you and anyone who lives with you. She has just broken it. Believe someone when they show you who they are!

I don't necessarily think it's creepy. I do think it's very sad though.

Ultimately, she has planned this online lie well in advance, and is continuing it for a bit of attention, as well as posting photos of your home without your permission.

She isn't trustworthy at all, and once the trust has gone she can't be in your home anymore.

If I didn't want a confrontation I would maybe get a friend of mine to comment saying isn't that Xs house? (Just first name, no tagging or anything that would compromise your safety) and hopefully that will shame her enough to take it down. And then wait until next time she's at yours and ask for your keys back and tell her you're letting her go.

If a friend did this would you think it was ok? Or someone who came to fix your plumbing / do your garden etc? I’m guessing not. I actually think what she did was incredibly unprofessional and you should call her out on it. You can do it politely but I think she has crossed a line. I have a cleaner who I really like and respect but if she took pictures of my house and put it online pretending it was her own then I would not hesitate to ask her what on earth she was doing!

I feel a bit sorry for the cleaner as she obviously has low self esteem to pretend as she is.
Id take it as a compliment OP and wouldn’t humiliate her by bringing it up with her. You don’t want to lose a good cleaner after all.

Yep im with @flutterby1 i would be stalking her fb to find out if this is the first time or she has posted other stuff. Bit too odd and icky for me im afraid. I'd try to be sympathetic, but yep gons

It obviously wasn’t done with any mal intent, a she obviously wants the attention…but posting photos of your home IS a big breach of trust.

How do you know she has low self esteem? Maybe she's just entitled and oblivious.

I would sack my cleaner if she took ANY pictures on her mobile of my house. It's a complete breach of trust and privacy.

If she had good self-esteem then she wouldn’t feel the need to pass someone else’s decorations off as her own. She would be satisfied enough with her own life.

No, you don't sound like a knob, you're just being honest for context, it's fine.
YANBU to be annoyed and I'd be rather stunned by this too - it's so odd that it didn't even occur to her that you might see her posts.😳
I do think you could send her a private message along the lines of "I'm not really annoyed [because you are a bit], but can I ask why you did this please?" This may risk losing her services because she's just too embarrassed to come back (or maybe she'll style it out?) but I couldn't let this go without saying something.

Your post is one of the reasons why I don't have a cleaner. This is one of those situations where only you can make the call. For me, it would be immediate - there is no way I would have this lady in my home taking photos (even if she never posts them anywhere) and with a set of keys to my house. It is a complete invasion of privacy. It's your call - either call her out on it and accept you might end up cleaning your own home whilst you seek a replacement or accept that your home is essentially fair game. My choice is not in doubt - but the question for you is what do you value most, a spotless home/freedom from time spent cleaning OR privacy.

I don't think you sound like a knob. I kind of feel sorry for her. She obviously has less materially than you do and she wants people to think se has more than she actually has.

MASSIVE breach of your privacy!!!

This is really off op. Makes
me wonder what else she’s doing.
And she shouldnt be ‘sensitive’ to yoy kindly telling her how to clean your house. You are a client and she is paying you.

Are you a tired mum of 3 or is she?

It makes me think she’s mentally unwell and I feel sorry for her but do not trust her at all. Is she also borrowing your clothes?

Fucking hell! What the fuck was meant to be the 'joke'!

posting the photos is bad enough but she could have said it’s a friend’s. Pretending it was hers is very very off.

I’d be worried about her having keys when I’m away and her bringing people back to ‘her’ house… she sounds unhinged I’d have to sack her off.

She’s really crossed a line here. Inappropriate and creepy.

Is she hoping to drum up more business showing off a perfect home, or maybe hoping to be an influencer? Id be inclined to comment and definitely message her. I probably would be looking for a new cleaner...

Yep. It would t bother me one bit but I’d have some fun with her about it.

”looks fabulous, exactly the same as mine”