Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I would be letting her go. This is beyond weird.

YABU only because you had to ask! This is definitely a breach of trust! What else could she have or will snap and post on Facebook. You really would be unreasonable to keep her with you after this.

Agree. It just reinforces my idea that a lot of stuff you see on social media is mainly BS which is why I don't bother viewing or doing...

Was she an estate agent?

You should message the admin of the group and explain and ask for it to be taken down. Sorry but she’s completely mental for doing this! If she’ll do this, I guarantee she will do other stuff, I’d be surprised if she hasn’t been pinching from you for years.

A relative of mine found out that their cleaner had stolen their credit card info and was using it on bingo sites! It isn’t particularly safe having someone in your house. She has proven herself untrustworthy now, you need to get rid of her.

OP, why don't you ask her directly when you get back from Christmas visits, as to why she did it, and take it from there? I don't understand why it takes 30 or 40 pages of strangers commenting on situations where a direct question and conversation between the two people concerned can settle most things.

You don't seem to understand that many people have doubts about their own reactions and whether they're rational or not, and can be unsure about the best way to handle the situation, so they post on here to clarify their thoughts, get support, and get different ideas of what to do next.

Confrontation is difficult for many people. The cleaner has already been described as being difficult to criticise or direct. And once the thread has been set running, the 30 or 40 pages is indicative only of how popular Mumsnet is.

I think you need to find a new cleaner. Be tactful, I think she has some issues!
You can’t have someone in your house you can’t trust

So do I. I suppose that means we are at fault in some way too.

I don't condone dishonesty but this is quite sad in a way.

I would be asking for my key back, changing my locks and giving her her marching orders! She can be as sensitive as she likes she's overstepped the mark by a ruddy mile in my book. Thrilled she likes your decs so much but the fact that she's done this is just ever so slightly psychotic!

It's dishonest, and it would make me very uncomfortable. I wouldn't want someone like this as a friend. I would wonder what else they might borrow from me and pass off as their own.
I had a cleaner once years ago in a foreign country who had zero money. I ended up paying for her to complete school. She was very status obsessed because she was a teenager and mixing with far wealthier students but it didn't bother me too much as she was honest about it too me, and she was young. I told her she could pretend my home was hers and bring people back over the holidays (she was at boarding school), but my home was too down at heel for her, so she never did (she laughed at the idea, but she was right my home actually was very basic).

She's meant to clean your house, not take photos of it and pretend it's hers (however innocuous a bullshit FB post is). The betrayal of trust is a bit like a surgeon taking photos of your body and passing them off as their own summer-ready bikini shots!

I’d be annoyed and I’d be sacking her! Very unprofessional.

Well she’s not the cleaners psychologist or family member or friend. This is very strange and intrusive behaviour, OP doesn’t need to have a chat about why she did it.

All she needs to do IMO is get the keys back/change locks etc, say she doesn’t require her services anymore and ask her to take the post down and to delete any photos she has of her house .

Anything more could just be poking the bear unnecessarily considering this women’s mindset and her temperament.

And Op has already decided pages back on how she will handle this.

Wonder how humanity survived before the internet. Not to mention, that despite everyone weighing in, it is all still just opinions and conjecture. The only way to really get to the bottom of it is to ask, even if the answer could be snippy.

Is that an argument for not using valuable new things when they become available?

No it isn't.

To be honest I’d find it quite funny. I would have a problem with anyone I was paying for a service not taking feedback/implementing any changes I asked for. That would be the line for me.

You seem very kind. My immediate reaction would have been to comment on the post and comment she didn't ask my permission to post photos of my home

I would be furious. I haven’t posted any photos of my house online due to what could be a very real threat of a family member tracking me down once he is released from his majesty’s pleasure.

If there was something he recognised in those photos he could potentially track my house down from the sales particulars. I wouldn’t be able to forgive someone if they did this.

Although I appreciate mine is not the usual reason. Having said that, if you wanted your decorations plastered all over FB you would have done it yourself.

I'd put a message on the group n"funny it looks just like my house". Don't mention it, but I don't think she will do it again.
I would not be happy, your house is on the internet, and there will be people who know it is not your cleaner's house- and could put 2 and 2 together.
Apart from anything else, someone that cheeky has not have the right to be sensitive.

Id have commented on the post and called her out there and then for every one on the post to see. Why do ppl let others get away with so much? Especially people that are in a position of trust. I wouldn't care about the fallout either like u say cleaners are 10 a penny so I wouldn't be worried about that.

For me, I wouldn't really be annoyed that my house had been posted (but I understand why someone would!!) For me my biggest concern would be how bloody weird this is. Why would someone do this?? Attention seeking I guess, but it's incredibly strange and creepy. There's no way I'd have her back. Someone of sound mind just wouldn't do something so bizarre. I'd send her a screenshot, explain that I'm not happy about it, ask her to remove the post and then tell her you don't want her to come again.

YADNBU. This is a huge breach of trust.

I think you’re prudent to cancel Monday’s clean, then sadly I think you will have to terminate the arrangement. You can’t have someone unsupervised in your house with this less of dishonesty / lack of boundaries.

Regardless of whether it’s a little bit sad or not, at the end of the day it’s a massive breach of privacy and that’s where the issue lies.