Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

Someone once pretended at work that my cat was their cat. Like, why? Totally weird and gave me a proper ick. If someone can lie about that, what else would they lie about?

The woman sounds unstable, where could this lead, you go on holiday and she poses your house as hers. It seems she is unhappy with her life and maybe prefers yours maybe. You could deal with this as a friend and encourage her to get help or you could deal with it professionally and immediately fire her. It's a complete breach of your privacy and confidentiality. I would also be reporting it to your group administrator and taking screen shots. I think if you install covert cameras in your home you may be surprised what she's up to when your out too.

There are loads of things I am envious about in life but it is a passing envy, I don't go home and obsess about it. I don't covet what other people have. I admire people's taste and usually envy the fact they managed to get a tradesman who did a good job and didn't take the piss like loads of mine have. As I've always had to work I have trusted tradesmen - so called reputed ones, only to be taken advantage of so, so many times. I do not really like Social Media posts so if it had been my, home I would never know as I just check if my mate has sent me any memes and may spend an hour looking at cute dogs and cats and then I'm off it. I just think the whole thing of posting every thing you do or eat or take part in is quite sad no matter how much the poster owns, it is just so alien to me. I have been amazed at the places people want to pose - at , garage when I was putting petrol in my car, someone nearly knoocked me over as she was busy looking behind her in front of her, but not at the side of her where I was. It's not even a nice garage and she didn't have a particular unusual or nice car, well I wouldn't know if she did really tbh. But it just looked ordinary to me.
I personally think the cleaner has breached data protection as some people may be aware where the house is and will recognise your home and be aware when it is empty because you are out and the cleaner is taking lots of photos so you must not be due home any time soon. Some criminal gangs look at Social Media such as Facebook to get a gist of where may be easy to break in. Which homes are empty during the day etc. I just find it totally unacceptable and you may not have found things missing yet but it does not mean that she has never taken anything. You have may not yet realised that an item(s) are missing. Hope everything is ok on the safety front, take care and be more careful who you give access to your home going forward.

I read this in horror! I am a domestic cleaner with long standing clients and would never, ever do that. TBH I’d actually tick her off and find someone that respects your property. The only time I ever took pictures was to back up my finding maggots in a food bin and slugs in a washing machine tray, and yes both were being used. 😳 But I worked for an agency then.

The cleaner is very odd, I feel sorry for her but the behaviour is completely unacceptable.

You house sounds like it is fabulously decorated though! The giant hanging baubles sound amazing.

Oh and I use Mumsnet and sometimes Quora. Forgot to mention tnhat though obvious I'm on here now. Duh!.

I would be tempted to change locks, I know it's expensive but what if she copies the keys? Maybe I'm just really paranoid but that behaviour is sooooo weird.

Yes it says enough about her to not want her in your house anymore.
I wouldn't even confront.
Just quietly finish it.

Its a compliment
And, she clearly isnt doing very well and wants people to think she has better stuff than she does
Its sad for her, take it as a compliment

What’s the big deal. It’s only a bit of fun. Wouldn’t bother me. It’s just some Christmas decorations after all. Not really hurting anybody!

It’s not horrid though is it. It’s flattering and very embarrassing for her if she knew you knew. So what to do.. oh I don’t know. Cleaners are very hard to get. Perhaps say that it was very naughty of her to pretend your decorations were hers and perhaps try and make a joke of it? She won’t do it again. She will be mortified.

Poor woman. Give her a generous present, focus on what's important in life and I hope she - oh and you of course - has a nice christmas.

@DeadlyDead I don’t think YABU at all for feeling annoyed. Your reaction makes sense. In terms of whether you should explain why you’re ending the arrangement, I’d probably say yes, for a few reasons.

First, you’ve said she’s quite sensitive. If you suddenly cancel without any explanation, she may unnecessarily worry that her cleaning wasn’t good enough, when in fact you’ve been happy with her work. That kind of self-doubt would be pointless and unfair to her.

Second, if she’s done this with your home, she may unknowingly do similar things with other clients. Gently pointing it out could prompt some reflection and potentially prevent her from losing further work. That may not be your responsibility, but it could still be helpful.

Third, it’s completely reasonable to feel uncomfortable when someone you trust in your personal space shares images of that space publicly without your consent. Your feelings here are valid.

None of this is something you owe her but if it were me, this is how I’d approach it and why.

After you’ve got the keys back I’d keep the message factual and non-confrontational, something along the lines of:

Hi, just letting you know that I saw your Facebook post. I’m uncomfortable with my home being shared on a public forum without my permission. Because of this, we’ll be cancelling any further cleans. Thank you.

I don't think you are unreasonable to be annoyed. You could just report the photo on fb she wouldn't even be told it is by you.
I don't personally think you should sack her, she is probably just so envious of your nice things that she wants to pretend they are hers and get attention, something she may not get. She hasn't stolen anything and will have thought it was innocent.
I wouldn't mention it. Keep an eye on the page in case it becomes a regular thing, then address it. I think things will go very sour very quickly if you pull her up.
Maybe in the new year you type something up for her with some rules whilst she is in your house.

This would totally creep me out.
I gather you have reached the same point, including realising that getting keys back is not enough, and you need to change the locks.
I would make a file of evidence, getting help if necessary, to save all the Facebook posts and anything else on social media, and keep it in case anything develops, perhaps with someone else.
I would not have any more personal contact at all.
I would write, find some excuse, thank her for her work, and explain, with a cheque for a week or a month in lieu, however you pay, that you no longer need her. Nothing extravagant or dramatic.
Don't get another cleaner immediately, in case she takes it out on her.

Weird behaviour. Get rid!

Agree

Good cleaners are hard to find, but I would not hesitate to sack her for that, complete breach of trust.

I think you're going about things the right way, OP. Avoid drama but get rid, quietly. All very well having a good/nice (?) cleaner, but who needs a lunatic in their life with keys to the house?!

Does she clean for others? Do you think other clients’ places appear on her page? Slightly in her defence the best cleaners that we’ve had started to treat the place like their own after a while!

Firstly, screenshot the photos. Say nothing. As the cleaner has the keys to the house, I would await her next arrival, then immediately demand my house keys and let her know that her services are no longer required as trust has been broken. Also that she has to remove all photos of your house and property from the Internet or this will be taken further. If you dont do this, you will be forever wondering whether she's wearing your clothes and perfume and entertaining her friends in your home while you're out.

She's poor and she'll never have a house decorated like yours. Comment on her post something kind so she knows you're aware, if this annoys you so much.

Not op’s problem, and in fact, that’s will make her situation worst as she’s now lost her job!

Put your own reply on saying ‘they look exactly like mine’! And see if she replies?

That's what I thought, what else is she capable of☹️