Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I found that post bizarre as well. 🙄

It’s a betrayal. You cannot trust her. I’d go round to her house, collect my keys on some pretext, like I’d lost a set and then never have her in your house again.

My first thought was that she is lonely and seeking the attention of others through social media, which is quite sad.
It is a breach of privacy but realistically how likely is it anyone would recognise it as your home? Hopefully there wasn’t anything identifying in the pictures, no photos or documents with personal information? What is the nature of the group? I take it it’s not buying and selling and she’s not planning to steal from you and sell your stuff?
It’s more creepy than anything, like she wants to ‘be’ you, have your life.
Id be more inclined to try to talk to her about it rather than jump to sacking her, especially if she’s a good cleaner. I‘m sure she’ll be suitably mortified.

you sound like a nice person and I imagine she is envious of your life / home. It’s a tough one to call as I’d feel for her but also be a bit annoyed.

Won't insurers refuse to pay out if a burglar uses a key left on the property (or even left somewhere else)? Install a key safe as the next best thing.

YANBU
it would put my guard up though. Good you're cancelling Monday. But I'd let her know you're not happy with pics of YOUR home on FB.
Personally, I wouldn't like her back. What else is she snooping at?, has she posted your home before, you just having seen it?.
Her personal/family life and circumstances, are not your worry.
She had no issue posting your private home, with no regard to you. she didn't think you see it. That's sneaky.

Honestly she has breached your trust , also potentially exposing your personal belongings which could be a security risk. That would be a deal breaker for me

You're doing the right thing OP. It's a massive invasion of privacy, very weird and bit stalkery. Best of luck.

I agree. It's weird. What else is she going to lie about or do? What else has she lied about? I'd get my keys back/change the locks and comment on the picture "this is my house and this is my ex cleaner who's made this post"
Liars get emboldened to cross more boundaries when we don't call them out. I consider liars to be potentially dangerous.

I am a firm believer in being kind and reasonable to people you employ. But what she did was a step too far and a breach of trust and privacy. I would never trust her again and would be asking for my keys back.

I think someone with access to my house, security codes and knowledge of my security system who is then acting in such a bizarre way, documenting and sharing my home and its (clearly expensive) contents with a group of apparently 1000s of strangers who all happen to live locally and therefore could recognise it, is a massive security risk. Lol….

I would not over-react in a way it’s a compliment that she wants to be seen as having a wonderful Christmas theme, however I would request she takes the photos down, as unlikely as it may be, it could create a security risk and you don’t want her posting pics of the house online as you don’t know who they are shared with nor can you be certain that meta data cannot be accessed (which can provide details if where and when the pics were taken).

God I feel a bit sorry for her, what a weird thing to do, itll be very very awkward to bring it up. Also surely anyone who knows her locally would recognise its not her house or decor so she must also be very lonely. I'd definitely quietly let her go but wouldn't actually raise it (I hate confrontation and also this is so awkward, I'd just say things had changed and I no longer needed her right now) and get the keys back ASAP (maybe change the locks). It's a sad and odd, slightly sinister, thing to do that shows she's clearly jealous of you and possibly a bit obsessed....

Not singling your post in it on purpose but it’s the most recent of several that suggest tits a compliment.

Obviously, I think my home and decor are lovely (or else I would have them) and, being honest, I think a lot of people would like them. I know some would hate them, many more indifferent.

The thing with posting photos on a FB group is that you’ll get all kinds of comments, good and bad. I’ve seen plenty of examples where people have posted decorations online and others have been nasty- calling them tacky, cheap looking etc.

If my decorations were different and she posted them for ridicule, would you (plural- eg those on the thread who feel what she did was harmless/complimentary) feel the same?
Or if she posted meaning to be complimentary but received a huge amount of negative comments?

I would drop her makes me think of some TV series or true crime drama she seems unstable and quiet frankly stupid to think you will never see it , she might’ve even dressed in your clothes and pretended to be you red flag screams mental illness .

Given the line-manager nature of your relationship - "feedback" - I'm sure that you could hold a "performance review" with her!

That is weird.

Reminds me of a friend’s story years ago. Same kind of relationship. She felt inexplicably uneasy so set up a hidden camera. Net result the cleaner was helping herself to the treadmill, trying on all her clothes and taking pound coins from a whisky bottle and that was just from the room with the camera (pre Ring days). Not suggesting your cleaner is a thief by any stretch but there’s clearly a yearning to have your life or something like it. Sadly what usually follows is the mindset that she deserves it and you can afford it so why shouldn’t she have a piece of it. You have two options - either sit her down and ask her why. She’ll either burst into tears or get very defensive. Or,just let her go without explanation. You’ll know what you feel most comfortable doing.

1. change alarm code
2. Delete this thread if she is frequently on social media
3. ask for keys back when she next comes
4. explain your circs have changed
5. give money for one week’s notice despite her action

This is too odd for me too. Given she has your keys and code. My spider senses are troubled. I would have to end the arrangement.

So you have to tread carefully in case she gets insulted 😩nope I would be shocked and very annoyed at this I would say something and I suspect it would be the end of our arrangement jealousy life somewhere in all this

Maybe she's just really wishing your home was hers. Probably fantasises when she's cleaning that it's her home.
Maybe point it out next time she's there and say id swear this is inside MY house. See if she owns up but she would know that you've seen it.
I had a friend ask to use my bathroom that I had just spent a lot of money on having completely gutted and modernised. She was up there ages. Few months after she was having her bathroom done, put photos on FB and it was identical to mine, she had taken photos shown them to shop and said she wanted exactly the same.

I'd post photos on the same group and pretend you didn't know she put them up. When people say something say it's your home and play dumb. I bet she'll delete the soon enough.

Sorry but i would have to comment on the post how fabulous the decorations look. In the meantime change the alarm code and get new keys cut.

Yep, her behaviour is totally bizarre and actually quite worrying. Now the whole world can find out what the inside of your house looks like and could even be used to aid burglaries. This isn't unusual in some countries (the images used for burglaries). I would ask her to take the photos down.

At the end of the day, it's dishonest and she posted photos of the inside of your home without consent.