Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I wouldn't be basing my likely course of action of letting her know she'd been rumbled then letting it go on 'kindness' as such, it's more just-not-that-botheredness. Sure if she'd posted the picture and said 'This is 22 Acacia Avenue, go and check it out' then yeah it's a clear breach of privacy and the cleaner wouldn't be darkening my door again. But if it's essentially a picture of a nicely decorated room that could be anywhere...meh, I'd not be too bothered. In any event she may well not come back anyway once she knew I knew - I'd certainly be too embarrassed if it were me!

Some of the responses on this thread are bonkers.

"Why do you need a cleaner"?!

"Don't say anything and give her a nice bonus"

Absolutely batshit

I think most of us agree that the cleaners behaviour is anything and everything ranging from creepy and potentially sinister to sad and pitiful ,however some of the comments on this post really emphasise just how snobby and classless some people are.
The aspersions and views some people have cast on the lady because she's a cleaner are horrendous.
The phrases badly educated ,poor ,average looking ,jealous have all been used about a person none of us actually know or have seen yet op has been labelled as rich good looking affluent and apparently has a rich dishy husband ?
Talk about judging a book by it's cover .

OP - you really need to consider the possibility she has a copy of the keys

My favourite this about the “you don’t need a cleaner” thing (apart from the fact that I never said I “need” a cleaner, nor does the poster know what I “need”), is the fact that it came from a man. Would love to know the view of his wife, a mother of four, on whether a cleaner would have been of benefit to her.

Yeah that's a good response. Especially adding in about friends and family seeing it.

I have.

That’s why I don’t want to rock the boat until after Christmas when I can just get the locks changed without much hassle.

Sorry haven't rtft but this is really not ok. It reflects very poorly on her character. I'd be tempted to post a pic of yourself in rubber gloves showing off her cleaning work saying 'not bad cleaning for a busy woman' or something to that effect. Let her see the picture and I'll bet the other post will come down

You do. I would change the lock.

Sorry. You have posted to that effect.

This is a trust issue. You won’t be able to trust her again. You’ll have to let her go. This is a transgression

I think your plan is wise @DeadlyDead . I wouldn't want to leave my house unoccupied after sacking her, either.

But yes, when you do tell her, I think you need to tell her why. This is very strange behaviour, and she has to recognise that it's entirely wrong, and why. Her employment with anyone will continue to be at risk of she continues to do this, and you'd be sparing her other clients from having their privacy invaded, as she's very unlikely to do it again, once she knows she's been found out.

Yes I understand your thinking op about not firing her till you have the key, but I still think you need a change of locks anyway. Then perhaps a different system with the next cleaner. We were always told by our insurance co to leave them somewhere on the property, which means she can also access them in an emergency but makes it more of a rigmarole to uplift them to get them cut.

Does she not have friends in the same FB group who will be commenting ‘but that’s not your house!’
Bizarre behaviour, I wouldn’t be happy.

This is really sinister. Don’t feel sorry for her, if she’s coveting your house and belongings that much she may feel entitled to steal.

I think I’d comment “That looks familiar 😳”
😡😡😡

I gave up my self employed business in September so speaking professionally I wouldn't DREAM of doing this!
It's a breach of your privacy, let alone morally wrong to say it's all hers - a bit odd.
When signing up a customer for cleans with me, I ask if they will allow me to take photos of their home strictly for my business profile on Facebook, and that I will ensure there's nothing identifiable in the image, purely just to show a before/after of a clean, that is the only time I'd take photos to be shown publicly, with the owners consent!

Absolutely.

“Massive security risk” lol

Spoke to DH about this, his take was that you now know that she can be deceitful and isn’t trustworthy, plus that she is also a bit weird. So his advice was obviously you have to sack her, but don't mention the pics, as embarrassment might trigger vindictive behaviour. He says she is an adult, she already knows this is wrong, you don’t owe her anything and should prioritise the least risky way of letting her go, which is to end the arrangement asap with whatever excuse you feel like giving.

I think you know what you have to do but are sorry to see her go as up until now you have trusted her and she does a good job. I’d be concerned about what else she’s having a good look at it and admiring. Not suggesting she’s a thief but given the posting and lies, I don’t think I could believe she isn’t rifling through your belongings as well?

I agree that you should let her go - and wait until she is at yours with the keys until you do so. I do think you should be saying that the reason is the posting photos of your home without your consent. It is a shame it has come to this but she has breached your trust.

I'd comment on her post " that looks lovely and strangely familiar"

Sorry that would be game over for me. I’d never trust her again.

Why didn't she just ask you if she can post your stuff on FB??? I wouldn't like that...maybe she wants to leave the job so she's done something stupid and you'll sack her...lol