Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I would be quite uncomfortable with having photos of my homes interior taken and posted on social media without my knowledge or agreement.

I would not be having her back. I'm sure she didn't mean anything malicious by it but it's unprofessional and suggests she lacks boundaries.

I personally wouldn’t be able to trust her again.
Christmas or not, I’d be letting her go.

I can't believe people are minimising this.

Also the OP's update about her snotty behaviour wouldn't work for me.

You need to get rid OP, you don't need to even tell her why. Just get the FB post deleted by the admin and move on. You don't owe her anything, she's quite severely crossed a line here and you are justified in letting her go.

Hmm that is strange as surely her own friends and family will see it and know it’s not her house. If you want her to carry on cleaning for you I would ignore and take it as a compliment.

Just post, 'That looks remarkably like my friend's house, in every detail? Must be you friend, I'll see you Sunday and you can see what you think of mine😃'

You could follow up a few days later with she said she didn't post anything, very odd.

Stop being a doormat. If she had any respect for you, she wouldn’t take photos of your home and post them online. You have trusted her and she has abused your trust. Who knows what else she has done.

Before you do anything I would screenshot all the FB posts and all the comments. I would ask for the key back if she refuses or can’t change the locks. I would then send her the screenshots and ask her to explain herself eg I came across picture of my house see here - can you explain both why you have invaded my privacy and security by posting pictures of my house and items without consent AND why you are trying to pass the images off as yours and your house when it is mine?

I’m thinking she can’t have many friends irl as they would all know she was lying about this being her house?
she is probably some kind of Walter Mitty character but her untruthfulness doesn’t necessarily equate to dishonesty so I would probably tolerate this. I would however, speak to her and tell her what she has done must not happen again and I would also put a lock on my bedroom door or rooms that contain personal items as I would not trust her to not go rummaging around

It doesnt matter if it's "unrecognisable" you can extract meta data from a photo so the location could be found. Therefore the harm is a security risk.

I would sack her immediately. You cant trust her.

I cannot abide liars and she is someone who has a key to your house.

I would be furious

The trouble is if it is a Walter Mitty type thing you don't know where it will go next. It could become very bizarre and stalker like, adopting the OP's life as her own in her imagination. I would be concerned at someone a bit disturbed having free access to my home. It is just so brazen she either thinks it is in someway true or is a pathological liar, get rid.

Sounds like she was indulging in a bit of fantasy. You said she is an immigrant single mother - I would imagine she won’t be splashing out on 35 quid baubles. I would give her a break and overlook it.

It’s harsh.

I would definitely ask her why she posted pictures of your house, without asking you.
You don't need to go full throttle, just see what she says and if you want her to stay just ask her not to do it again or you might have to cancel any further cleaning.
If she values you and her job she will apologise and take the post down.

I think the suggestion is too hard but her status as an immigrant single mother with 3 children, one of whom is disabled, doesn't really come into it.

She has massively abused your trust. She has lied on social media. If she knows you see her Facebook page this is a test to see how far you'll let her push you. From your other posts, she's training you well to tiptoe round her so far.

She wouldn't step in my home ever again, but that would have happened after she told me she knew better than me how to clean my tiles, when she didn't.

So what are you going to do @DeadlyDead?

call her out on it at yours ? Ignore ? Reply on her post ? Fire her ?

I think the trust has gone so you need to let her go. She isn’t your friend and from her behaviour I would say that she’s jealous of you. I don’t suppose her other clients would be very impressed with what she’s done either if they realise, so she really needs to delete the post.

Yes have you read the thread?

Take it as a compliment? Is that honestly how you would react if this was your house?

This.

I'm a cleaner and am totally shocked by what she did. It sounds as if she has some mental health issues!

The trust is gone so I don’t want her in my home anymore. I woke up this morning and immediately thought about checking the CCTV to see if I could spot any weird behaviour. I didn’t because that’s an insane thought, but the fact that it’s my instinct on waking makes me realise none of this sits well with me.

The complication here is she has my keys and was due to call on Monday bit I’ll be away, and not back until the following week so I don’t want to terminate her services until I can get my keys back.

I’ve texted her this morning to say that plans for next week have changed and I don’t need her Monday. I’ve also changed the alarm and gate codes, and will put the security system on on the off-chance she does decide to call on Monday. I can’t imagine she would at all, but at least I’m covered. I’ll get the keys back after Christmas and tell her I no longer need her. Still haven’t decided if I tell her why, or just let it go.

This sounds sensible. I would absolutely report her post/pictures to the FB group admins so that they can remove them. This should absolutely give her a clue that there is an issue and then, after Christmas, you explain that you came across them and feel you can no longer employ her due to lack of trust. Am sure you are not her only client so she will simply have to find a new one to fill that spot/income.

Appreciate she is a low income parent with special needs children, but it’s better in that case that she learns this lesson now and knows not to do it again to another client.

Re keys - tbh, I would just report them as lost and get the locks changed on your household insurance this weekend. Or just pay yourself as it sounds as though you can cover a few hundred Euros for a couple of locks being swapped out? And lesson learned yourself, here. In a future contract I would be very clear that images of your home are not to be shared on social media ever. It is actually common for decorators or even cleaners to share before/after images - but they are supposed to have your permission, so be clear there are no circumstances under which you are happy to agree to this.

I think you have to tell her why

I can’t believe some of the replies on here? What harm has she done? This woman has posted photos of your home, without your consent, to an huge Facebook group. It’s a complete breach of confidentiality and trust. I wouldn’t have her back in my house and I would contact the fb group for the whole post to be removed.

Get your keys back but also change the locks and codes.

Everything@starsintheirearssaid.