Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I feel sorry for her a bit too. She’s clearly lonely, in a country away from her family (guessing she moved to be with the father of her kids then they split and she feels trapped by her DC’s schooling and such?). Single mum of three doing low skilled work. I imagine you pay fairly and the bonus was lovely so not disparaging you at all.

I don’t know anything about her living situation but as a single mum and cleaner, I’d imagine her house is nothing like yours. She likely just admired it greatly and wanted some attention on SM. You obviously need to have a word, screenshot the post and ask her to remove it. It isn’t professional and she has breeched your privacy. Not sure I’d let her go for this but that’s up to you. Good luck.

I dont feel sorry for her. What she did was a huge breach of trust and against GDPR. I have spent plenty of my early working life in crappy minimum wage jobs and I never once betrayed someone's trust like that. Not only is it a huge security risk, but its disturbing that she has taken "ownership" of something that isnt hers and it says a lot about her personality and none of it good.

For the people saying they feel sad for her- how far would you personally let her go then? is it ok if she puts on OP's clothes then takes pics for instagram? after all, its really sad she cant afford expensive brands isnt it?

What about if she just borrows some of OP's stuff, the poor woman doesnt have anything nice after all.

All these people patronisingly saying her behaviour doesn't have have to meet any kind of professional standard just because she's a "poor cleaner" are not only denigrating her, they're acting as if she's some kind of pitiful charity case that has to be indulged by the mean ole rich people who employ her. Its patronising as heck. You are acting like you're in a bloody Dickens novel.

She's a professional cleaner offering a professional service. If she cannot do that, she shouldn't be in the damn job.

Any thought OP on how you’ll handle this, in the face of almost unanimous agreement?

But people will think it's the cleaner's home. They won't know the OP's address

There are loads of ways to ascertain an address from a photo. Loads.

Meta data from photos taken on phones have locations and time in them if you can download them you can sometimes extract that data
Views from outside the windows
Anything lying around the home that might have address on it thats caught in the photo- eg post
Cross referencing the photos with other things she posts, places she's tagged, places she's checked into etc
If she has posted the exterior at all, you can do a search

She's put OP at risk.

OP can I see the giant baubles in action? Just them, don't need to see anything else.

**Misses point of thread

I would bring it up with her, mainly as wouldn't want it to happen again. Depending on rexn may decide to get rid.

you can report the post on facebook

I would tell her that I dont want her posting pictures of my house on social media (the breach of privacy). I wouldn't mention her claiming it to be her own house (no need to embarrass her further). I dont think I'd dispense with her services (this time...) but I would take the risk of her being so offended/ embarrassed that she declines to come again of her own volition.

Get rid of her using the best excuse. Don't tell her the reason why.

Just to add, you sound very nice and calm and measured about it.

This is what I don't understand. Why would somebody want attention for something that isn't real? What does she get out of it? If there are lots of ooohs and ahhhs and 'that's amazing', comments, the admiration is for OP's house and decorations, not the cleaner's.

It's the equivalent of using a picture of a beautiful woman who isn't actually you on an online dating site. The fantasy can only last as long as the person is online. As soon as they meet in real life, the illusion is broken.

@DeadlyDead If you are travelling with family for Christmas and if she has a key to your house, do you think that she might invite people round while you are away and continue the fantasy that this is her home?

I would message her today, say I’ve seen her post on Facebook containing photos of your house and would she take it down. I’d also say that I don’t put any personal information on Facebook so please don’t do it again. That should cover it off and you can keep her on. For info, when I’ve had anyone in doing work on our home - cleaning, decorating, installing new bathrooms etc. I always tell them that they must not take any photos without permission as I’m aware that some cleaning company staff have done the same as your cleaner to showcase their work which is not acceptable without permission. Too late when somebody identifies something in your home they would like to break in and steal!

Because you’re uptight. A cup on the otherwise clean and tidy side pisses you off?

With all due respect, you need to get a life. I’m guessing you don’t work, has your life become too small? I don’t know anyone who would be upset over a singular mug.

What harm has she actually done OP? Most of social media is a lie, her post is no different.

Its a breach of confidentiality. If my cleaner did that it would be instant dismissal

Some people like to live in a fantasy world to get attention. That’s all that has happened here.

She's exposed OP's house to the public and OP didnt give consent
She has breached GDPR which is illegal
She has put OP at risk of being burgled (you can ascertain an address from photos)
She has acted in a completely unprofessional manner so what else has she done/is she doing if she doesnt care?
She has broken trust which is important if you give someone a key to your home

As soon as I'd realised someone else had posted pictures of my home without my knowledge/permission, I'd have contacted the admin to ask the post was removed. Did you do that @DeadlyDead or is it still there? Is the fact your decorations are getting thousands of likes enough for you to get past the sneaky way they've been shown off?

She wouldn't be welcome in my home again. And if have my keys back/change key safe code. It's all very well saying you can see via your phone who is coming and going but not much you can do about it from afar. Presumably she knows you're going away?

What harm has she actually done OP? Most of social media is a lie, her post is no different.

Op said it would be unrecognisable as her home. So again, what harm is caused?

You could reply on the site. “This is not your house” or “Dear readers, X has posted this without my knowledge or permission”

I'd be a bit pissed off too. It's also quite funny that she posted them in a group you're also a member of. Did she not think you would recognise your own house?

Although it doesn't surprise me. I know a few people who do weird 'not quite true' posts on FB and IG. Things like standing outside the first class lounge at Heathrow and posting 'x is at the 1st class lounge'. Not quite sure what they get out of it.

GDPR? 😅

No, she hasn't broken GDPR, which is about data held about you.

And you can't ascertain location from a photo like this one, on Facebook. Facebook strips any location data from a photo when you use the app

Just to add, I’d ask the admin of the fb group to remove it first as she could just block you from the post and leave it up.

Really?

We’re talking about an immigrant single mother to three children, one with a disability.

Is that really how you’d treat her?