Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

It's giving me "run like hell" vibes. Possibly because I have been in a weird copycat situation myself. It was disturbing and caused me real damage. I didn't even know about this phenomenon back then, apart from having seen Single White Female; it was hard to believe what was happening. Now I'm aware of real-life cases where this has led to arson, even murder, I'd be battening all the hatches pronto.

More people behave in extremely odd, socially unacceptable ways than one would think. It's never due to mundane issues like commonplace envy or insecurity; it's always a severe psychological problem that could go sideways fast. If you're that person's therapist or have professional responsibility for them, you may need to safeguard them (and yourself). Unless you have this kind of duty and expertise, it's wise to distance them.

I cannot believe you are even dreaming of letting this slide. It’s one thing to take a pic of your tree and text a friend about how lovely it is. It is quite another to POST IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOR LIKES. I mean seriously! Goodness knows what else she has taken pictures of in your home.

I would reply under the thread “thanks for sharing personal pictures of my home on social media. Please take this as your notice not to come clean again”

harsh but fair given the circumstances

What the heck?? Obviously that’s insane behaviour. I’d have to let her go,

I wonder if she’s struggling, but in order to stop her stop her family worrying she’s told them she’s doing better than she actually is?… not sure why she wouldn’t just send the pic to family though, putting photos of someone else’s house on social media is risky…
@DeadlyDead I would message the admin of the Facebook group and ask them to remove the post.. explain the situation and.hopefully they’ll remove the post.
Or text her and say ‘I’ve seen the post you shared on X group and am please requesting you remove it and that you don’t do that again.
see what she says in response.

💯

At first I expected to read that she’d stolen some decorations and you’d noticed them in her photos!
Shes betrayed your trust by showing photos of your home. No one may know it’s your home but if someone did some digging it’s always possible to find out addresses and then she’s put you in an unknown situation.
Id personally message her asking if she’d posted the thread and used your photos as you were thinking of going to the police as you don’t know who would have access to take the photos. Give her a chance to be honest and explain herself, if she denies it or makes up an excuse then she’s shown herself as untrustworthy and she wouldn’t be allowed to enter my home again.

Trust gone
she is gone
dont over think it
get your keys bck
change the code

posting photos of your decorations and passing them off as her own. In a group you are in. It’s unhinged.

do not entertain her coming back. And definitely do not leave her with a set of keys.

I don't think anyone will have a cleaner after I tell the two accounts I know of.

My ex-partner had a cleaner for several years, and she used to come to clean while he was at work. One day, he went home unexpectedly in the middle of the afternoon, to find the cleaner and her boyfriend in my then partner's bedroom, and the cleaner's BF was trying on my partner's designer underwear. Pants had gone missing lately, and now, my partner knew why!

He had some very expensive items, and I suppose they felt aggrieved they couldn't afford such nice things. But honestly, underpants, of all things!

*

In the second account, my closest female friend hired her cleaner to also look after her home while my friend was overseas on holiday over New Year. She was very pleased and came back to a lovely clean house.

But she was less pleased when she saw (rather like your experience, Op!) photos on the cleaner's Facebook page showing a raving New Year party ... in my friend's house. There were bodies everywhere, draped over everything, and a questionable couple in my friend's bed.

You need to change your locks immediately.

This is so weird.

YOU’RE worried about HER getting upset over this @DeadlyDead??
If you can email yourself the entire the entire Facebook thread do so immediately.
If not, take a few major screenshots. You know the ones to take - the tired mommy one & the ones of all your rooms. Take some of the different compliments and her replies, too.
Then call her on the pretext of needing a quick hour “spruce-up” in the next immediate few days.
When she arrives, have that coffee - and those screenshots - ready. No - have her whole Facebook page ready.
She can either immediately take the post down without any embarrassment or you’ll be commenting on the thread.
And your comments will not be complimentary.
And she can eat that hour. Don’t pay her. That can be her punishment, although I doubt it’ll be much.
The CHEEK.
If she balks at not getting paid for that hour, ask her what the compensation should be for stealing your hard work.
In fact, ask her that anyhow.
I’m so angry for you.

Yes. She is a fraud.

I'd message her straight away with a screenshot and say 'please delete this immediately or I'll report it to facebook. Also I won't need you on Monday, but please return my keys.'

You sound like a ridiculous bully

Did your tenants have an agreement with the production company or did you? Are your tenants allowed to sub let ( probably not the right description) in this way?! Doesn't sound like you were consulted.
Seems odd to me and I'm guessing your tenants made a tidy sum in the process.

This 100% how dare she

I’d contact the fb group admin with photos of you in front of the decorations and ask them to take it down as it’s not her house . I also wouldn’t want her back in my house as this is batshit behaviour

I would say something face to face and ask her to remove the post and not do it again. If she gets arsey you could consider giving her notice

I agree.

Exactly what I was thinking!

I feel like i really need to see your Christmas decor now 🫣 (genuinely! Not mocking here)

Same here! It sounds amazing

i am not sure i would sack her tbh - she is being very complimentary although passing it off as her own
can you message her and ask her to take down the post?

she might chose this as a reason to resign

I don't think I could let this go. I too would cancel Monday's clean and then have a discussion with her when you're back. You can be firm with her that it's completely inappropriate to publish photos of your home, even if she's pretending it's hers. If she decides to go off on one, or stop working for you, then that's on her and you will not have lost her this job, she'll have done it by herself. Maybe position it that you like her work and want her to keep working for you, but your privacy must be respected.

I'm intrigued how she thinks no one at all will notice this. Even if she has no family nearby, there must be neighbours or other school mums who know what size house she lives in, even if they haven't seen inside. Your house sounds quite large and grand OP, so how does she really think she can pass it off to absolutely everyone as hers?

I think i would ask her why she posted your home on facebook before anything.

I am a cleaner have been for many years, I have some lovely customers just like you who I chat to whilst there if they are home.

That is a very strange thing that she has done, I am really trying to get my head round why she would do such a thing. Is it because she thinks your decorations and house looks so great and she is maybe not happy with her own home that she got carried away and wanted everyone to see how great her home looks. Don’t get me wrong there is no excuse for what she has done at all, she has taken advantage.
As a cleaner myself if I had ever dare do something like that and got caught then of course I would be expected to get the boot.

Just to also add you are the customer who is paying for her services and you should never feel that you can’t say anything if you are not happy with certain ways she cleans etc with fear that you will upset her. As a professional cleaner she should expect to be pulled up about anything you are not happy with. I would rather my customers tell me if they are not happy if there is anything I am doing/ not doing in their home, they are paying me good money so it is only right. It helps me in the long run to get things right and for my customers to be happy with my services.