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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Lovebedtime · 20/12/2025 00:10

Wordsmithery · 20/12/2025 00:08

What'll she do next? Give out your address and share photos of your valuables?

Sack her. No second chances after behaving like this.

It could be the reason she said they were her decorations so as to not give away OPs address etc…

Wreckinball · 20/12/2025 00:11

Do you know anyone on the FB page who you could ask to make a FB comment along the lines of- your decs and house look identical to a friend of mine’s.
Then approach cleaner and say you and a few others have noticed her post, can she take it down. Hopefully she’ll see how silly she’s being

AmateurDad · 20/12/2025 00:13

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

Of course you are being unreasonable. You don't need a cleaner! My wife and I have managed for 24 years - and 4 kids - without one... just get rid and let her invent stuff full-time!

NamechangebumpforMandy · 20/12/2025 00:13

I feel so conflicted about this one and I see why OP posted. The cleaner likes the house and admires OP’s style which is kind of flattering. She probably has a little fantasy that it’s hers, and maybe is having a rough time. I do feel sorry for someone if they need the validation of lots of likes on social media to feel better about their situation. That’s not that uncommon and people do nick random photos off the internet and pretend it’s their life. She may not see much difference between that and what she’s done.

But underneath all that it just feels like such a massive violation of privacy and demonstrating a lack of boundaries. This isn’t a random pic stolen off Rightmove. It’s OP’s life and OP is a person that the cleaner knows well. All very unsettling and wrong. I don’t know what I’d do.

Orwellwasright2020 · 20/12/2025 00:14

Lovebedtime · 20/12/2025 00:10

It could be the reason she said they were her decorations so as to not give away OPs address etc…

Show quote history

The cleaner is a mother of three. Her caption was "along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three”

There's no circumstance where the cleaner's behaviour is not as weird af.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 20/12/2025 00:15

The problem is the breach if trust. The woman was hired to clean the house, not wander around taking pics. I'd be of two minds: fire her immediately or install hidden interior surveillance cameras to monitor what is done in my home when not there. I would put money on her doing a lot more. However, with OP going away I wouldn't take chances now.
It seems more like her friendly demeanour is a facade designed to get OP's guard down.

eta
re-read initial post:
"if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well". WTH? I would have let her go for that. Your home, your rules and requests. She is getting paid to do as requested, not as she pleases.

summitfever · 20/12/2025 00:15

@murasakithe op has plenty support here, I think she’s fine. I’d never consider sacking someone without at least a conversation, chance to explain and then a fair assessment of the whole situation. It’s giving “burn the witch” vibes

Orwellwasright2020 · 20/12/2025 00:17

NamechangebumpforMandy · 20/12/2025 00:13

I feel so conflicted about this one and I see why OP posted. The cleaner likes the house and admires OP’s style which is kind of flattering. She probably has a little fantasy that it’s hers, and maybe is having a rough time. I do feel sorry for someone if they need the validation of lots of likes on social media to feel better about their situation. That’s not that uncommon and people do nick random photos off the internet and pretend it’s their life. She may not see much difference between that and what she’s done.

But underneath all that it just feels like such a massive violation of privacy and demonstrating a lack of boundaries. This isn’t a random pic stolen off Rightmove. It’s OP’s life and OP is a person that the cleaner knows well. All very unsettling and wrong. I don’t know what I’d do.

I think if she had posted one photo, no identifying features, had said "A friend of mine has fantastic taste, don't you love these decorations?!" or something like that, I'd have been a bit annoyed at overstepping by taking pics of my house without my consent, but overall flattered and wouldn't have said anything.

It's passed into weird af and creepy territory when she's claiming the inside of someone else's house and someone else's taste and belongings, some of them hand made by the OP, are her own.

It's not normal behaviour, and I would find a way to undramatically sack her in the New Year, and change my locks.

Definitely NO conversation of course. A person who thinks this is ok is not someone you can have a reasonable, stable conversation with about this behaviour.

If we could fix creepy weird behaviour with conversations there would be no creepy weird, behaviour. But we can't.

murasaki · 20/12/2025 00:18

summitfever · 20/12/2025 00:15

@murasakithe op has plenty support here, I think she’s fine. I’d never consider sacking someone without at least a conversation, chance to explain and then a fair assessment of the whole situation. It’s giving “burn the witch” vibes

Oh the sacking would involve a conversation. About boundaries and appropriate behaviour in someone else's house. It would be totally unreasonable to sack her without explaining why. She'd know by the time she left. And hopefully wouldn't do it again with other clients.

summitfever · 20/12/2025 00:19

Also did she even mention the decorations as the point of the op?? She may have been referring to her cleaning originally and is it so unusual for people to post their work? It sounds like points about the decorations came later, all she said as per your post is “not bad for a tired mum of 3”

summitfever · 20/12/2025 00:21

@murasakilove that power and privilege for you 💁🏼‍♀️

murasaki · 20/12/2025 00:22

summitfever · 20/12/2025 00:19

Also did she even mention the decorations as the point of the op?? She may have been referring to her cleaning originally and is it so unusual for people to post their work? It sounds like points about the decorations came later, all she said as per your post is “not bad for a tired mum of 3”

Actually that's a fair point re it maybe having been meant to reference the cleaning. I doubt it, but it's possible. Still not OK to post pics of clients' houses without their permission though.

murasaki · 20/12/2025 00:22

summitfever · 20/12/2025 00:21

@murasakilove that power and privilege for you 💁🏼‍♀️

Love your Internet doormat act!

Orwellwasright2020 · 20/12/2025 00:23

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 20:10

For the record, she’s not my employee. I don’t need to be a “boss”, good or otherwise. I just need to be happy with the level of service she’s providing me, and the way she delivers it. Currently, I’m happy with her service, but not her behaviour in/towards my home so I need to decide what to do.

That said, I do feel for her. Losing a client the week before Christmas when I know she needs the money isn’t going to be easy. Good cleaners are in demand around here though.

She’s due to come again on Monday (she comes once a week) and I won’t be here (traveling to family for Christmas) so I’m going to text her tomorrow to cancel Monday. As it stands, I don’t feel comfortable having her here, especially when we’re not home, but I want to take some time to think about what I’ll do next. I do like her and feel she’s not a bad person, but this is very strange.

For those worrying about her having keys, we have a really good CCTV system with phone app notifications, and monitored gates etc so I’m not worried about her (or anyone) getting near the house unnoticed.

I really don’t think she’s dangerous, but I can’t figure out if she’s deceitful, or maybe just struggling and putting up a fantastical front?

Show quote history

Once you sack her, change your locks.

GrooveArmada · 20/12/2025 00:26

I think there are two things here that need to be separated:

  1. It is never OK for a cleaner to post photos of private property for any reason if she didn't have the owner's permission to do so. I'd sack her over this. It doesn't matter why she did this, there is no good reason.
  2. OP lacks self-awareness and it's apparent to me her relationship with her cleaner isn't as good as she'd like to believe. But this is not the subject of this thread and it doesn't change point 1. Two separate issues.

I'd not want a person to have keys to my house, go away and have her there alone after what she did. I'd get the key first then terminate the contract, but pay her for the last clean due to short notice - she may not 'deserve' this technically but I'd rather not create further animosity. I think it's the best decision for the OP.²

murasaki · 20/12/2025 00:28

GrooveArmada · 20/12/2025 00:26

I think there are two things here that need to be separated:

  1. It is never OK for a cleaner to post photos of private property for any reason if she didn't have the owner's permission to do so. I'd sack her over this. It doesn't matter why she did this, there is no good reason.
  2. OP lacks self-awareness and it's apparent to me her relationship with her cleaner isn't as good as she'd like to believe. But this is not the subject of this thread and it doesn't change point 1. Two separate issues.

I'd not want a person to have keys to my house, go away and have her there alone after what she did. I'd get the key first then terminate the contract, but pay her for the last clean due to short notice - she may not 'deserve' this technically but I'd rather not create further animosity. I think it's the best decision for the OP.²

Edited

That sounds fair to me.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 20/12/2025 00:34

I think this is odd and obviously inappropriate behaviour from someone who you trust to be in your house when you're not there. I sense a slight undercurrent of "you're obviously very well off and she's having a hard time so you should let it go" on this thread, but I don't think I agree with that. You pay her to do a job, it's a job that involves trust and requires her to respect your privacy, and it's a breach of that trust and privacy for her to have taken photos of your house to pass off on the internet as her own. I don't think she doesn't know it's inappropriate and whether she does or not I would wonder what other obviously inappropriate stuff she might do if she was confident of not getting caught.

Lovebedtime · 20/12/2025 00:37

Orwellwasright2020 · 20/12/2025 00:14

The cleaner is a mother of three. Her caption was "along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three”

There's no circumstance where the cleaner's behaviour is not as weird af.

Show quote history

Absolutely as weird af but also sad. As there’s no link to the OPs home - apart from the pics of course - a strong word about boundaries might suffice rather than sacking.

Orwellwasright2020 · 20/12/2025 00:48

Lovebedtime · 20/12/2025 00:37

Absolutely as weird af but also sad. As there’s no link to the OPs home - apart from the pics of course - a strong word about boundaries might suffice rather than sacking.

Show quote history

Never give the benefit of the doubt to bizarre behaviour particularly when someone has access to you and your home. #bekind gets people harmed and killed.

I can pity the cleaner while still realising this is abnormal behaviour and possibly dangerously so. Never do the #Bekind thing to people who behave abnormally (maybe occasionally for family it is worth the risk).

Nobody can know why people do bizarre things and trying to ascribe reasons to them is a mug's game. The whys don't matter, only whether someone could be dangerous or not.

She could be an absolute nutter, or just a poor soul. There is no way to tell. Either way, OP should sack her in January with no drama and change the locks.

shhblackbag · 20/12/2025 00:57

Not2identifying · 19/12/2025 17:37

I'm gobsmacked that you'd even consider letting this go. Such a betrayal of your trust and privacy.

Agree. She sounds unwell. Who the hell does that? She'd never set foot in my home again.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 20/12/2025 00:57

What next would worry me. Borrow a dress /shoes? Necklace? She's living a fantasy life on sm. She may need to upgrade her wardrobe to continue her sm pics...
I am a cleaner and she's bang out of order imo.

IDidBegin · 20/12/2025 01:01

It’s really weird when people make up stuff for attention 😶‍🌫️.Its quite sad and pathetic really. I’m talking about the cleaner obviously

KoalaBlue1 · 20/12/2025 01:33

Change the locks. Change the code

Blueskies77 · 20/12/2025 01:34

I think having a conversation with her and being honest about you seeing the post and see what she says and reacts would be helpful for you. I know previously on Facebook you could see group members previous posts, can you still do that and can you see hers? I’d be curious about what else she’s posted about, whether this post is the first where she’s pretending your house in hers etc.
i think until you have a chat with her it’s tricky to make a decision as to what to do, as you need to know her motive etc. but trust is broken too and it’s whether you feel comfortable with her being in your home anymore? I’m not sure I would but im
not a very trusting person so wouldn’t have a cleaner anyway!

flatfootedfred · 20/12/2025 02:06

i’m a soft touch and fairly relaxed about privacy/social media…but I would cancelling all future cleaning immediately and telling her why. It’s a fundamental breach of trust