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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
ElleintheWoods · 19/12/2025 23:12

Jesus... To me this is extremely creepy.

Watch "The Guest", there's a scene almost exactly like that involving the cleaner.

I don't know how private you are, but if anyone posted pictures of me, my home or my car on the internet, especally under such weird circumstances, I'd not only dismiss them but also be mindful of anything else they may have done/ may do in the future. To me this is a huge breach of privacy with stalker vibes.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:13

Chiefangel · 19/12/2025 23:12

When your home is falsely represented on the internet then you can reply to me. I will wait.

Show quote history

No one knows it is the OPs house so where is the real damage?

Missing the point of the thread but I’d be quite proud if someone pretended my decor was their own. It’s highly unlikely as it’s a filthy shithole

murasaki · 19/12/2025 23:15

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:13

No one knows it is the OPs house so where is the real damage?

Missing the point of the thread but I’d be quite proud if someone pretended my decor was their own. It’s highly unlikely as it’s a filthy shithole

Edited
Show quote history

The breakdown of trust between the OP and the cleaner. The OP knows it is her house. What ever else does she lie about? The trust is gone.

Chiefangel · 19/12/2025 23:15

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:13

No one knows it is the OPs house so where is the real damage?

Missing the point of the thread but I’d be quite proud if someone pretended my decor was their own. It’s highly unlikely as it’s a filthy shithole

Edited
Show quote history

Read the op slowly once again. Are you the cleaner? Jesus.

OrangeITellYou · 19/12/2025 23:16

Yeh there’s no coming back from that for me and I would change the access code before I left even if you’ve asked her not to come

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:17

murasaki · 19/12/2025 23:15

The breakdown of trust between the OP and the cleaner. The OP knows it is her house. What ever else does she lie about? The trust is gone.

Show quote history

I can understand the trust has been breached but I’d still want to understand why before deciding what to do about it and I certainly wouldn’t be publicly naming and shaming as some have suggested

1offnamechange · 19/12/2025 23:18

OP seriously.

She gets upset at minor things.

She's a liar.

She pretended your house was hers for social media kudos from strangers (seriously I don't understand what benefit people get from this - how can people praising something you didn't actually do make you feel good?)

She doesn't have the wherewithal to realise how likely it was that someone would realise what she's done - on a group with thousands of members the chances that either you/someone who would recognise your house/someone who recognises her house (enough to know that no way would those pictures be of it) are pretty high.

She's completely run roughshod over your privacy (e.g. if she was an office cleaner posting pictures of her workspace could definitely be an automatic disciplinary/firing offence)

She really does not sound like she has the best grasp of normality. How long until you do something else that offends or upsets her and she retaliates by stealing or damaging something or accidentally locking your pet outside or something?!

Sympathise with her all you want but I would not want someone like that with keys to my house!

murasaki · 19/12/2025 23:19

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:17

I can understand the trust has been breached but I’d still want to understand why before deciding what to do about it and I certainly wouldn’t be publicly naming and shaming as some have suggested

Show quote history

Fair enough. We're all different. I wouldn't care why. But I also wouldn't publicly shame.

roastedrapidly · 19/12/2025 23:24

I'm sorry but she is dishonest, I would not trust her alone in my home again . What a breach of trust.

BlueIris111 · 19/12/2025 23:28

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:13

No one knows it is the OPs house so where is the real damage?

Missing the point of the thread but I’d be quite proud if someone pretended my decor was their own. It’s highly unlikely as it’s a filthy shithole

Edited
Show quote history

You do realise some people are so unwell that they can fantasise being someone else. This probably isn’t that scenario but how are you supposed to know ? Rachael barber was killed by her childhood baby sitter when she was in her teens and no longer needed caring for, she was a family friend as well. Yeah these situations are rare but they do happen and honestly there’s a lot of red flags there and you can’t always trust things people tell you even if you talk to them. If she was really trust worthy surely she would have asked op if she could have a picture at the very minimum. I’m not saying slander her name online but certainly take a step back. I’m sorry if the cleaner is going through a hard time , clearly she needs support and Op can always send her links to such support when she gets her keys back and lets her go as her cleaner . It’s not the ops responsibility to deal with her cleaners mental health.

GarlicRound · 19/12/2025 23:29

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 20:12

And, for the record, she also got me a Christmas present. She always does.

I’m not trying to paint myself as some philanthropic saint here. We have a good relationship, we’re nice to each other.

She isn't nice to you. She massively over-reacted about the coffee cup, and I bet there's been a few such oddities if you were to think back. If you'll pardon the buzzword, she seems to be enmeshed with you - having a very weak boundary between her self and yours. With the decorations post, this seems to be getting worse. She may actually feel your house/life is hers.

Sounds bonkers, but enough people have this syndrome for several books and films to have been made about it. I had a flatmate who got insanely angry when I told her I was moving on. Next time I saw her she had my haircut, my style of clothes, had changed the way she talked to sound more like me, and had Wendied half my friends away from me.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:32

I’ve just realised this thread is just a massive humble brag by the OP - it’s terrible how my cleaner is so jealous of my gorgeous property that she is passing it off on FB as her own. 🤣🤣

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 23:34

She massively over-reacted about the coffee cup, and I bet there's been a few such oddities if you were to think back. If you'll pardon the buzzword, she seems to be enmeshed with you - having a very weak boundary between her self and yours.

Spot on @GarlicRound

Tammygirl12 · 19/12/2025 23:35

That’s unhinged. Her fantasy is to be you. I wonder if she tries your clothes on when you’re not around

Isittimeformynapyet · 19/12/2025 23:36

Wellretired · 19/12/2025 20:01

If ask her. "I saw this post (showing phone) isnt this my house? What happened? " and take it from there depending on the response. She's your employee and a good boss picks things up quickly so they dont grow into a big problem but get resolved instead.

So you said..... at 19:39.

christmasholidays · 19/12/2025 23:36

I know you feel bad for her situation and so would I op, but I'd ask her to take the post down privately and then sack her. I absolutely would never trust her again and for me the breach of privacy is just something I couldn't and wouldn't overlook.

BrickBiscuit · 19/12/2025 23:38

Not sure if already suggested, but report the posts to group admins with an explanation and insist they remove them. Also report to Facebook (though don't expect them to care). Report to police on their non-emergency system. As others have said, check Instagram, Pinterest and similar sites. Change locks, alarm codes etc. Then sack the cleaner.

MajesticWhine · 19/12/2025 23:39

The problem is, if you let this go, what next?
Facebook posts of your bedroom / bathroom? Trying on your clothes / perfume. She could invite friends over to your place when you’re on holiday.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 23:40

BrickBiscuit · 19/12/2025 23:38

Not sure if already suggested, but report the posts to group admins with an explanation and insist they remove them. Also report to Facebook (though don't expect them to care). Report to police on their non-emergency system. As others have said, check Instagram, Pinterest and similar sites. Change locks, alarm codes etc. Then sack the cleaner.

I trust you are joking otherwise you are more batshit crazy than the cleaner

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 19/12/2025 23:41

Sack her

blenny23 · 19/12/2025 23:47

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

This is completely unhinged. It’s a huge breach of privacy even if it appears innocent and there’s nothing identifying etc, and it shows you can’t trust her! How dare she!

I genuinely would do a quick video walkthrough of my living room whilst saying “I’m flattered you like my Christmas decor so much but I’m not sure why you’re attempting to pass it off as your own when you were only here to clean my house, not pretend it’s your own efforts and then post about it in a group you know I’m in.” And I’d follow it up with a text to her asking that she deletes the post showing the interior of YOUR house and say that you’ll no longer be requiring her services as you cannot trust her in your home any longer.

CyanMember · 19/12/2025 23:47

As a retired cleaner I'd expect and deserve to be sacked if I'd done that. She definitely would not have keys to my house.

Plenty of cleaners about.
😡

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/12/2025 23:47

@DeadlyDead where did you buy your giant baubles from please? My DH really wants some and I've not been able to find any!

JMSA · 19/12/2025 23:49

She’s a weirdo!

EtpuisEcoute · 19/12/2025 23:49

Shocking behaviour- don't think things could ever be the same now. You'd be chatting to her thinking she is dishonest/strange/crazy