Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

Whatever OP decides to do, there is no reason to publically humiliate her in the FB group. That’s just spiteful and could severely impact the cleaners life socially and financially

In fairness, if it is your tiles that are the issue (and it sounds like it is) I don't think her pointing that out is overly snitty. She was just trying to defend her work and say the way I do it is normally good enough and this is an unusual situation. It doesn't sound as though she refused to adjust her approach?

Totally agree.

Speak to her and get rid- total breach of trust and shows she is dishonest!

I used a local painter last year to paint some doors, and then saw he’d posted up photos of the wallpaper in our rooms as examples of his work!! I commented on the post and told him to take them down - CF!!

Surely her friends and family on her social media will know that’s not her house? Unless it’s so bad nobody goes there to see, but even then they may cotton on that her house isn’t as big as it appears in the photos.

It would annoy me but for someone to do something like this, they clearly aren’t very happy in life. I would gently bring it up next time you see her. I wonder if she embellishes her life in other ways?

You say the FB group is huge and well known in your country. That suggests you aren’t in the UK. The conventions in your country might be different, only you can answer that. You yourself feel off about what she’s done, I certainly wouldn’t want the inside of my home featured on a very well known FB page with a huge membership. If I lived somewhere needing the level of security you describe yourself as having that would make me extra concerned.

Could you report to FB… saying it’s not her home, it’s yours and get them to remove it. That way you don’t have to confront her… it could have been anyone that reported and got the post removed. Just a thought.

Oh I definitely wouldn't do it publicly. That would be awful.

But she has to go. The relationship is one of trust. My cleaner is in my house when I'm not there, has keys, could access any of my stuff, paperwork, whatever, let my cats out etc. I trust her not to do those things, we get on well, I've been advising re her son's 6th form and university plans, know how her life is going as far as she tells me, we bitch about MiLs etc. I've known her for 8 years.

If she did this it would be over, no question.

Cancel.Monday, and tell her why privately.

Yeah I’d be super uncomfortable about that. I don’t think I’d be able to keep her on but to honest the snippiness over requests would already have pissed me off! The photographs of my home on Facebook would really be the last straw. What other weird stuff might she do?!

@DeadlyDead Before you do anything, click on her name IN the group and it should bring up all her previous posts, then you can see how long shes been doing this/if shes done it before. Better to have as much info as you can!

Wow I cannot believe A) she would do that but B) then do it without checking you are in the group..!!!! Also surely it’s likely a friend of yours or two would also be in the group…!! So she’s been a bit stupid there. Very wierd!!

Good point.

It's always so funny how people are too sensitive to be stood up to

I wouldn’t stand for and would be concerned what else she could do. She doesn’t seem mentally well I would definitely cut it off and be grateful nothing more serious has happened. End it before it gets more serious this could be a stepping stone to something worse she’s clearly not right in the head

Apart from the fact she sounds batshit crazy, this is incredibly unprofessional - to photograph a client's home without consent is a major breach of trust but to then post it in a public forum and claim it's hers is shocking. Personally, I wouldn't be remotely worried about upsetting her. She should be upset! What she's done is outrageous and I wouldn't want her in my house ever again. I would also be posting on there about what she did and giving her reviews online stating what she did so others know she cannot be trusted. Honestly, I think you are underreacting to this.

That is such weird behaviour from her. It's basically cheating and basking in the compliments.....that she didn't really earn. How do people enjoy that? Are they so delusional they think they deserve the credit?

I was pondering that aspect too!

Don’t feel sorry for your cleaner. She is pretending that your house is her home. Your house is now on the internet forever.
Let her know that you know what she has done. Get the images removed and I would find a new cleaner.
I personally would name and shame but that is just me.

If you weren't worried about people knowing it's your house, you could ask a friend to comment on the photos and tag you in the comment, saying something like "@deadlydead isn't this your house? Someone is claiming it's theirs!"

I'm generally quite soft but I wouldn't stand for this. I'd screenshot the posts and get my keys back before raising it. Change the alarm codes too. I wouldn't comment directly on Facebook group as it might complicate matters further.

What relevance has being single or white got to do with anything?

It’s a reference to a film.

I think it's a bit sad that she can't show her own home. I'd feel sorry for her and let it go.

Single white female is a film. About someone who mimics someone's life and takes it over. Look it up, it's very good. And terrifying.

Totally disagree. Commenting on the post that “it’s my house, not yours” is just stating fact. If she feels humiliated it’s her own fault for doing something so silly with a high chance of being found out