Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

It is screaming Single White Female. Or some kind of psychological thriller on channel 5, where a poor, average-looking, working-class, badly-educated young woman, who has little or no family or friends, and no husband or children, tries to steal the life of another woman she knows - who has everything she wants. Money, social standing, class, wealth, good looks, a handsome wealthy husband, a loving family, a big fancy house, a career she loves, and beautiful, clever children.

Careful @DeadlyDead she will be going for your man next! (That is always part of the storyline in these films!) 😬

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I've got lots of mixed feelings on this op, but overall it's quite an interesting situation!

On balance, I think it's time to change cleaners.

She has shown herself to be both dishonest and covetous, which I think are not things you want in someone who is coming into your home on a regular basis in a position of trust.

But that's the pragmatic side of me, erring on the safe side.

The other side of me thinks there is something faintly touching about her finding an ultimately pretty harmless (if it didn't expose you in terms of security) form of escapism from what must actually be a fairly sobering existence for her. A bit unhinged, admittedly, but still somehow touching.

I also think you have been a bit silly about the coffee mug. When you depend on trusting someone in an artificially intimate situation - which having someone who goes through every room in your home on a regular basis is - I think it is foolish to risk engendering resentment over something so small. I understand you want to come in and see no trace of her, but then again, that's kind of exactly what you have said to her. It is a single arm movement for you to put it in the dishwasher. I think if you have much in life, and you know she has struggles, those kind of battles are not worth flexing your authority over.

But that's done now, and however she came to the point she is at, she does seem to have violated your trust.

I personally wouldn't adopt any of the shaming approaches suggested, such as commenting on her FB etc. Firstly it seems a bit cruel; telling her she is fired and why will be punishment enough. But more than that, she isn't the type of person I'd play games with. I'd just be upfront and uncomplicated.

I would just send her a text message saying please remove the photos you have posted of my home on Facebook .
Don’t say anything else - see how she responds .
It’s a huge invasion of privacy and dishonest - I would find it hard to have her in my home in future .

I would message this.

I would feel sorry for her - and do - but I’d be really surprised if this is the first time she’s done it.

I mean you could always post something like "Gorgeous home, fabulous decorations, but it looks like you need a better cleaner. Look at the dust!"

But no, I'm joking. I wouldn't try to shame her more than is strictly necessary to just move her on and out of your life.

The more i have thought about it - she needs to go. Goodness knows what she is capable of! sorry OP

I agree this s a good sort of message op - to her privately and directly, not via FB.

This would make me very uncomfortable. She could be posting orher aspects of your life and pretending she's you, such as your car for example....I don't know what to suggest but I would do a bit of digging and see has she posted anything else about you....I would probably let her go, make up an excuse, your hours in work have been reduced or something and get rid

Single white female vibes. Don't discuss, at all. Anyone capable of such a bizarre breach of privacy and social etiquette will NOT be up for a chat about it. Just being able to do this means she is beyond discussion.

Just wait till the New Year (since sacking someone at Christmas is a shit thing to do) and get rid, do it without drama, any way you can.

Contact the police and make a report so there is a paper trail for when/if she tries anything weird.

And change your locks.

Have you typed her name into the group search bar? Be interesting to see her previous posts…

This is basic dishonesty - if I were in your position I would let her go. You can do it kindly as an acknowledgement that you got on well - but she does not seem trustworthy. It seems better to find someone else.

It's a breach of trust and a bit creepy.

I would wonder about how good her boundaries and what else she was doing in my house.

I'd let her come next week and ask for the keys. Then I'd say that you've had a chat as a family and you guys have realised you've got to tighten your belts unfortunately.

Give her two weeks pay and tell her that she doesn't need to come back.

Change the alarm code and actually, I'd consider changing the locks. It's fucking weird!

I would get my locks changed too. This behaviour is very concerning....

Definitely don't do this on SM. You're just attracting attention to your property and giving criminals a chance to target your home.

Speak privately to the cleaner if need be, but don't broadcast it is your home to all and sundry🤦‍♀️

I wouldn't make her more uncomfortable than is necessary. We all know what happened, why make her squirm? Just be clean and simple and don't turn it into a battle of game playing op - because she's clearly up for a bit of a game and I'm not sure it's a good idea to be playing it.

edited*

I agree: there is nothing to be gained from angering her more than is necessary.

She can't really blame op for dismissing her, but if op gets nasty, she'll incur the wrath of a woman with unusual boundaries.

Oh dear, I think it’s quite clear she has mixed feelings towards you. She probably does like you on some level and enjoys chatting to you but she’s also a bit resentful of you too. It’s kind of like the way some toxic friends are conflicted about people they both like and envy. People like that can be quite dangerous and do you harm. Not always, but it’s not worth keeping them around to find out. Definitely one to steer clear of.

Reading your other updates I’m glad you can a security camera so she can’t just use her key without you knowing and you’ve asked her not to come for the next cleaning appointment.

It’s a bit Single white female imo. 😬

Def get a friend to comment / if it’s a big local group like mine is / peoples. would know you surely

This sounds like a group with ‘Freely’ in the name! I’m not sure it’s that but it’s where I’m from too and makes sense that she’s British…

Curious as my family are all on the same group and it’s mental - so many people :D

You must have managed to avoid stalkers. If you hadn’t you might be more risk averse

Hide your stiletto OP

Yup for us too.

Yep, BF is unrecognisable now, saw her in a late 80"s film the other night, "Scandal", she is almost unrecognisable in that she looks so young.