Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I think yabu not to (not at all gently) sack her immediately. I wouldn’t care a bit about hurting her feelings! Change the locks change the alarm code etc.

Take a selfie in front of the tree and post with a comment “how strange, looks exactly like mine”

On a serious note I’d be taking the keys back/changing the locks just in case she has copies and changing the alarm code. Sounds a tad unhinged.

I think I’d tell her to remove the photos now and sack her after Christmas.

Is she implying it's her home? Or is she calling you a 'tired mum of 3'?

Is it photos of your whole room(s) or close ups of elements of decor?

Could someone who's been to your home recognise it? If so, do you have a friend in the local FB group who could message her say 'Hi, that looks exactly like my friends house, who are you?' Or 'Hi DeadlyDead, are you posting on FB under a pseudonym?' Hopefully that would be the shick she needs to make her realise how bad a fuck up her post is?

Your cleaner is unhinged. Get rid pronto.

Well - here's hoping you don't see your house pop up on the likes of Rightmove - if you have equivalent where you live.

I agree with this

Nope. Too weird.

I would have to sack her. She’s not trustworthy.

I suppose you could take it as a complement. Her self esteem or life must be bad to do that. But it would make me want to put a discreet camera to see what else she do's when left alone.

Not gonna lie, I would be dispensing with her services @DeadlyDead I couldn't move past this. What a deeply weird and innappropriate thing to do. I wouldn't trust her with a single baked bean out of an out of date tin of them, let alone my house and everything in it. Very unprofessional and weird, and definitely not on.

It is odd behaviour.

If she was a good cleaner and I liked her I probably wouldn’t say anything but would be tempted to like the post (as it is a massive group). But I would probably be easily annoyed and over time would probably stop using her (when I had found another cleaner).

Wtf?!!! I would be asking her to delete, return the keys, change the locks and the alarm code and sacking her. That is creepy as fuck.

I’m not a mum of three but she is so I think she’s suggesting that it’s her home and her decorations. Plus she responded to people telling them where she bought items.

The photos are mainly of decorations and the rooms aren’t overly visible, but you’d know them if you knew my house, IYKWIM? So there’s a picture of my sitting room Christmas tree and mantle garland- you can’t see much of the room or to the view out of the window, but the floor, fireplace, mirror, tree, and garland are visible. In the hall, she’s taken a picture of my hallway from the top floor (it’s a three story house so you can look right down from the top floor). I have an installation of decorations (giant gold, red, and green glass baubles) that hang at various heights so some reach down to the ground floor, some “float” over the stairs as you walk, some are visible on the first floor, and then the rest are in the void space at roof level, suspended from the roof lantern. You’d need to know it’s my house to know but if you’d ever been in my house at Christmas, you’d like remember it.

Just to answer a few questions. It is a huge Facebook group, and quite well known in my country. Really took off over Covid. I don’t think she knows I’m in the group. I’m not a big FB user and we’ve never interacted on there. Plus, my FB name isn’t entirely obvious to those who only know my married name. I double barrel on FB and have my first name shortened. So say she knows me as Elizabeth Jones, my name on FB is Liz Turner-Jones so I don’t think she’d instantly be able to find me.

Utterly bonkers but makes me feel a bit sorry for her. If it was my cleaner, I’d find it’s obviously weird AF but probably wouldn’t mention it as it would obviously be very embarrassing for her and, on the surface, seems harmless.

I would call round when you know she's in and tell her you're locked out and need the key back. Then comment on the fb post with a confused face and see what she reaches out with/if she does. If she doesn't tell her not to come back.

I think it would be maybe silly of her to have shared them saying 'I love coming to my clients beautifully decorated house' but her passing it off as hers is so strange to me. Could you imagine doing anything that weird?

This sounds like the sort of thing that would happen in one of those very middle-class domestic noir psychological thrillers where someone turns out to be a mad stalker.

It is weird but I think I'd put it down to a bit of a fantasy/ wishful thinking on her part.

I would still be tempted to get someone that she doesn't know to message her on FB.... 'Your decorations look so similar to my friend'shouse, can I send her this picture and tell her I've found her twin house?' I bet the post would soon disappear!

Normally starring Joanne Froggat.

Yes, there is an element of feeling pity for her, as she clearly has very little, is probably quite financially poor, and probably has very few friends and family. However, this isn't the OP's problem, or fault, and she should not have to have to put up with this.

I know it's not a very good analogy, but it's like feeling sorry for the person who broke into your house, punched you in the face, and knocked you out, and stole half your possessions, because he didn't have the best childhood, and came from a rough estate, with a bit of a rough family. Shame for the thief/criminal, but why should you have to deal with the consequences of his 'not-so-good upbringing?'

That's batshit! Didn't she think that anyone in the local group who knew you would recognise that it was your home, or anyone who knew her would recognise that it wasn't hers?!

I'd find this too creepy and wouldn't feel comfortable with her in my home. It's just such an odd thing to do that it would make me wonder what else she might try.

aah this is such a difficult one! Can she be easily replaced? I would be wary of someone who could tell such lies tbh, even if you do feel for her (I would too)

This.

I would sack her because she is a liar and cannot be trusted.

When you get your next cleaner, explain why you sacked this one and set out clear boundaries.

I would be bloody furious.

Personally I’d comment on her post saying “ oh your house is stunning, I wish I lived in a house like that”

and see what she says.

i wouldn’t trust her and wouldn’t want her in my home.