Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

No, I meant a picture of her comment not the pictures. Is it possible you are being pranked. It’s so ludicrous plus the fact it’s happening on a Friday night which it typical prank time?

also, why are you actually doing anything other than posting on here.

I would comment something like

"Oh how lovely your house is Sally, see you Wednesday at mine"

This does remind me of a film scenario, was it Parasite?

A local FB group, does she know you are in it? Very strange (and bold) to post that but especially if she knows you might see it?
Can't get my head around this at all.
Would not be able to move past this. Takes a certain kind of character to do something like this. Dishonest and fraudulent. Would definitely be looking for another cleaner, but I'd have to let her know I'd seen it and see her response.

Beat me to it!

I do think this is really creepy and I wouldn’t like it. I’d ask her to take the post down, my initial thought was that I would ask her to leave but I think as long as she took the post down & agreed that she doesn’t take photos of your home, I would give her a chance out of kindness. Given that she doesn’t react well she may choose to leave anyway. You really should call her out on it though.

It's a really weird thing to do. I'd feel sorry for her above anything else. Maybe she's having a hard time and fantasising about living your life with your decs is her escapism? If you think about it, it's very sad.

That said, what will she fantasise herself doing next? Wearing your clothes? Jewellery? This is a possibility and she may actually be mentally unwell.

I wouldn't embarrass her by mentioning the FB posts. No need. Nor would I see a need to sack her before Xmas. Just let her go in the New Year. Tell her you can't afford a cleaner any more, very sorry, etc etc.

I do too but I think would feel uncomfortable having her in my home .
I'd get rid of her but I'd do it with honesty and dignity cos let's be honest she's going to be mortified when she finds out op knows .
I think that's punishment enough ,,even though some on hers want her walked through the city naked cersai lannister style🙄.

Immediately thought this. She wouldn't be cleaning for me again!

This is a very good point.

I saw an article by a former burglar the other day. He said that thieves look for homes with nicely decorated trees, etc.

Don't admonish her publicly, it could be the thing that tips her over the edge. DM her and ask her to take the pics down immediately.

I don't want to excuse her or anything but it's obvious that she's on Shit Street and feels like she can't let people know what her life is really like. Maybe she feels like a failure. She could very well be embarrassed by her situation when her friends are living insta-lives. Yes, we all know that SM is 99.9% bollocks but I can understand how you might not be able to see that if you feel lower than whale crap on the ocean floor.

However, none of this is your problem. Given that this wasn't done out of malice or creepiness, just shame at her own situation, it is perfectly possible to dismiss her with kindness. You don't have to actually mean the kindness of course.

No, stand up for yourself. It's not right and she should take it down.
I'd be getting a new cleaner as I couldn't trust her again. You are taking this far too well!

So she isn't concerned about the possibility that you are seeing posts in this local facebook group, or the possibility that her post might be seen by someone who has been in her house?

I'd be furious and would never be able to trust her again. I'd comment on the post and tell her to remove it immediately.

Amused? I’d be really unnerved to be honest. It’s like something out of a thriller. I think she does things to get back at OP for picking her up on the floors and coffee cup. If she hasn’t got any family or friends in this country, she’s pretty anonymous which makes it even more sinister.

I amazed people think this is funny. Imagine going online and seeing hundreds of comments about your own fucking house. Buying something from Next and some crazed nutcase claiming ‘It’s my Nan’s.’

It’s unnerving and creepy. Of course she’s jealous, I’m sure lots of cleaners clean beautiful homes, but they don’t pretend it’s their own house.

Call her out on it on Facebook. Something simple like

'Please can you refrain from taking photos of my house and posting them on Facebook. Sorry but we only require your clearning services rather than photography skills'

Depending on her reaction she can then either lose face or her employer.

What a cheeky cow!

I’d sack her and ask her to take the photos down. The cheek of her!!! So unprofessional.

The OP said the cleaners post had “few thousand” likes and several hundred comments so that would suggest a ginormous ‘local’ Facebook group.

This is such a wild thing to do… so risky putting it on a Facebook group too. For some reason I feel sorry for her, she likely just wanted a bit of nice attention for a minute. Don’t get me wrong it is strange and would disturb me if it was my house… I guess part of me thinks she deserves a chance to apologise. I’d have to say it to her I don’t think I could let it go otherwise…

She sounds like an absolute oddball. I wouldn’t be having her anywhere near me or my house. Get rid OP. But challenge her on her fantastical postings first.

Taking photos of someone else’s home and posting it online as your own is just weird and totally unacceptable. That’s a clear breach of trust and basic privacy.

Also, she’s not your friend; she’s a cleaner you’ve hired to care for your personal, safe space. The lines have been blurred, which is why this feels confusing.

Ask yourself: would you be OK if a friend, family member, or colleague did this to you? If not, why hesitate? You can still be kind while asking her to please take those photos down. If you don’t, she may well do it again and who knows what else has already been posted.

Sounds like she is living some kind of fantasy life where she is superwoman who has time to decorate her fabulous house while still looking after three kids. A bit weird and obsessve. In line with people who instagram themselves next to a smart car they dont own. Sad really.

Absolutely mental

This is equal parts unnerving and sad. I’m very conflict averse so I’d probably make up a reason as to why I no longer need her services. But I don’t think I’d want her in my house anymore.

She doesn’t sound very bright. Who would risk posting such a thing in a local group?

This! There is no part of me feeling sorry for her. Someone once posted a photo of my work on the internet claiming to have done it (my work then was public-facing, creative) and I commented on their post saying no you didn’t, I did. I would do the same here - comment on the post saying what the hell, that’s my house, and sack her on the spot. What’s wrong with all these doormats who wouldn’t?