House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

[grittie]

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

If you ask/tell them to leave (no matter how ‘gently’) and your son sticks with her long term, you may never have a good relationship with either of them. You may always be remembered as the parent who pushed her out of the house when she was really ill.

Of course, your husband could offer to drive her home so she doesn’t throw up in your son’s car…..

Oh, damn, OP hasn't been back all day....... waste of time again.

What does your son and his GF think?

If someone did that to my daughter (or son), I'd go nuclear!

And I'd never, ever forget it.

Meet the family out and about. I’m sure they won’t want to come over to your home if there is a sickness bug lingering.

I can't believe someone actually suggested that she should be driven home, being forced to suffer the indignity of shitting herself on puppy pads for 4 hours. In front of a new boyfriend, confined in his car? So his parents can go to a shitty pantomime and christmas markets? I have no words.

I think it would come across really unfriendly to suggest she goes home. But I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask her to isolate as much as possible and give the bathroom and door handles a spray (or someone do that for her). I think asking if she would prefer to be at home would be OK if done very kindly and tactfully, but sending her away on a long journey when she’s really ill is not nice.

I can totally understand not wanting to catch it, I wouldn’t either, but these things happen. A moving vehicle is the last place you want to be with D&V unless absolutely necessary. If she can stay upstairs then I think it’s fine to have a family do downstairs, or suggest going out together if needed. But “they sent me away at Christmas time when I was bedridden/throwing up etc.” isn’t going to make you sound very nice

This thread is amazing. All these people happy to have a relative stranger throwing up in their house and ruining christmas for multiple people over someone who will most likely be a footnote in history by may.

This thread is amazing. So many people lacking basic human decency and empathy for a sick person. Anything to avoid minor inconvenience.

@ZwellersI wouldn’t be happy about it but I do believe in the age old mantra “treat others as you wish to be treated”. And I wouldn’t want to be doing a four hour drive with a newish boyfriend with it coming out of both ends.

That’s horrible, no you don’t kick the poor girl out! I’m sure she is keeping herself out of your way and feels embarrassed and uncomfortable enough as it is. If I was her and you did this I wouldn’t feel comfortable coming back!

Let's hope if your son ever gets ill at her parents house, that they kick him out as well! How uncaring to even consider this. Change your plans and go to someone else's house for your do. Or cancel it and stay home and look after her.

I’m emetaphobic and I couldn’t ask anyone to leave my house if they had a stomach bug (I might have to leave, though). How do you expect someone so ill to travel 4 hours, it’s also not fair to ask them to go into a hotel or use public restrooms right now.

I would also be cancelling family coming over. You will likely ruin everyone’s Christmas if you have a stomach bug in your house now. It’s highly contagious. She needs to be confined to one bathroom.

But she's already done it. The germs are there. Taking her home at this point will solve nothing.

Anyway, it's one thing to show kindness to someone you're really close to. But to show kindness to someone you're not shows you to be an even better person.

No, she won’t be “a footnote in history”, she’ll still be a human being! I really don’t understand this intensely tribal mentality that only people in your family are worthy of humane treatment. Nobody deserves to be kicked out and forced to travel with a gastric bug.

Yes, because obviously she chose to get sick and ruin their Christmas. How dare she!

I don't think anybody would be happy to have to deal with this situation, but for most decent non sociopathic people, it doesn't matter if they don't stay together, it's about basic human decency. Treating others as you'd hope to be treated yourself, or how you'd hope others would treat your child if they were ill. Smh.

@grittie has vanished .

I wonder if she did tell today's family about it. Because if they catch it she will be blamed.

This is yet another reason why I fucking hate Xmas. All the pressure to meet up and mingle. Thereby spreading every Germ and virus going. All around every family and community. Fuck that, stay home and hibernate. Keep her safe and sack the rest off. How's that for a solution?

Works for me.

I'm the same.. nobody would want to throw her out the door more than me, but the germs are already all over the house now anyway. It would be my worst nightmare to be so ill at someone's house I barely knew, I'd be even more mortified if they told me to leave!

They would have to stay in their room though and not spread it all around the house.

I’m sorry I haven’t replied or updated. Things took a turn and we had to rush his girlfriend to the hospital, turns out it was appendicitis!

Oh no!! Hope she's ok!

Good grief - isn’t it a good thing that your DH didn’t kick her out on a 4-hour journey?

I wouldn’t want to drive 4 hours with a stomach bug. I would be cancelling anyone coming at all. Wouldn’t want it to spread further. By day 4 I would expect her to be getting over it. Can she isolate away from everyone else? But most importantly she needs to try and keep some fluids down. Pepto Bismol helps and sipping something fizzy through a straw.

DH will be pleased that your Christmas plans will not be disrupted