House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

[grittie]

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

If it was me I would definitely want to go home . Sick bags and toilet stops if needed.

Grim for everyone!

She cannot travel until she is well enough, you must keep scrupulously to hygiene precautions and warn your guests beforehand. Hope she's better soon.

Yes, great plan. Instead of confining it to one household, take her somewhere that potentially hundreds of people could catch it. It's super infectious, can be on door handles, lift buttons, this is such a bad idea.

OP, if she's been sick all night, there will already be germs around. In the meantime, keep up good hygiene, don't eat or prepare food before you've washed your hands really well. This bug is transmitted by you physically touching a surface the germs are on, and then putting your hands in your mouth (or eating food with them). It's only "airborne" if you're close enough for the particles to splash back at you while she's being sick, which is why parents often catch it off children, as they go to the bathroom with them. If you wash your hands very well, and make sure she knows to clean around each time she's sick, you will not catch it.

This is such a stupid idea. Going to public toilets knowing you're unwell? Ruining Christmas for lots of people, rather than confining it to one household? Absolutely ridiculous.

This happened to me many years ago when I was a student. I went to visit a uni friend's home for the weekend, got a vomiting bug on the first night, vomited and slept for two days, and then was just about well enough to take the train home. I remember decades later how kind her parents were about it and how they took care of me like I was their own child, rather than as a stranger who turned up, vomited everywhere and then left.

You have some poor unfortunate with a stomach virus in your home. It would be highly inappropriate to have guests over the Christmas period without informing them of same.

If I were the young woman in question, I'd leave. Even if I had to travel holding a bucket. I can't imagine you're making her feel like she's anything other than a complete inconvenience atm. And who needs that when they're ill in someone else's home. At Christmas.

Your husband sounds like an absolute delight. 🙄

I’m surprised at these responses. I suppose it depends on how you feel about driving and how much you want your own home.

personally, car travel for me would be fine. I’d have the ds drive and I’d sit on a waterproof mattresss protector or puppy pads and carry a sick bowl. My car is stocked with wipes tissues and bags . I had hyperemesis and I now transport my elderly very sick mum to hosp etc. so this kind of transport is my bread and butter!
and I’d feel much happier at home, shitting and sicking loudly without worrying about my boyfriends parents hearing.

id ask them. Tell them fine either way.

those suggestinghotels are foul / come on, you pass this onto random cleaners/guests etc. filthy to deliberately book a hotel when sick/shit.

Its a tricky one. I don't think on the face of it, it's unreasinabe to ask her to leave but its not really practical to travel by a car for 4 hours with a tummy bug. She probably has diarrhea.... Also I'm sorry to say it but you're all propably already infected.

It sounds like youve never had full blown norovisurs, theres no sitting in a car for 4 hours unless you want your car covered in s h i t.

She should be courteous and self isolate

I would hate to sit in my partners car shitting myself on puppy pads and we’ve been together 15 years. I can’t imagine this poor girl wants to go through this in a fairly new relationship. She’s probably mortified enough that she’s in the situation at his parent’s house! I’d be doing what ever I could to help her keep some dignity.

I wouldn’t tell her to leave, I would however warn your impending guests that there is sickness in your house.

I don’t think it’s either kind or very compassionate to ask her to leave to avoid ruining the Christmas plans. Maybe just think how would you feel if it were your son in that situation?

This!!! 100% It's not like we all don't know how to isolate someone after Covid.

Do you have another toilet/bathroom? You could ask her to isolate in their room and only use designated bathroom/toilet?

I wouldn’t be hoating a family get together with a bug in the house, chances are your ds and possibly you may already be carrying it. Removing her from your house won’t make any difference. If it was me I would be cancelling the family get together or maybe book a restaurant instead? No way would I be making her travel home when she’s feeling rough. She’s likely through the worst and just needs to rest for a day or two.

I also wouldn’t want to come to your house as a guest with someone sick in the house.

Are you asking about rudeness or bottom of the barrel unkindness ?

Poor girl. I bet she’s mortified!!!

no way could I travel when so unwell. Even just moving to the loo would cause pain/vomit. I bet she’s exhausted. Could you sit upright in a car for 4 hours. What if there’s traffic? What if they can’t stop for the loo? Poor thing needs to stay in bed and looked after.

You need to tell the guests though. As others have said - disinfect and air the house. Make sure she’s got access to one toilet and others use a different one.

Please look after her.

I presume you wouldn't expect her to drive herself with a vomiting bug, so you must be expecting your ds to take her and then stay there? So he would else up being sick away from home instead?

If you are anticipating that he will come back afterwards, then he'll probably have caught it by that time already.

Poor girl.

I don't know how you could ask her to leave without coming across as a sociopathic arsehole.

If someone treated my daughter like that when she was in their house, I'd think very poorly of them.

I would expect her to opt out of socialising and ask your DS if they want to leave, I don't imagine she is very comfortable being ill in your house. I definitely wouldn't suggest she drives herself, or even is a passenger in a car for 4 hours, while she's actively vomiting.

Are they in a separate part of the house with their own bathroom? If so hopefully the germs are pretty much contained.
I would go ahead with the plans, but make everyone aware just so they can make their own decisions as to whether they want to come to the house or not.
You simply can’t expect the poor girl to travel 4 hours with a sickness bug.

I don't think OP is coming back.
I don't know if they are in the UK given the timing of her post.

So much depends on how many loos they have.
And if OP or the son is willing to keep it clean after she's been in there.
If it's norovirus it spreads like wild fire and no guests should be coming.

If she's 'only ' being sick, she should stay in her room with a bucket and anything else she needs.

There is no way anyone being sick all the time could travel by car. It's dangerous because she could end up dehydrated from not drinking enough.

Ahh poor girl, vomiting bugs are THE worst! She’s probably mortified it being at her boyfriend’s house too. I don’t think it’s acceptable to expect her to travel 4 hours with a sickness bug as it’s very likely making an exit from the opposite end too.. the only reasonable situation here is she stays, self isolated as much as possible and you relocate the event to another relatives house or cancel altogether you absolutely cannot invite people into a house with a sickness bug, especially not with younger children etc I’d be furious if I went to someone’s house a week before Christmas with my children and they didn’t tell me their was a violent sickness bug in the household. Xx

If she wanted to go home she would have gone.