House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

[grittie]

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

Ah, this brings back memories of when DH and I arrived at his brother’s house in Brussels for the weekend and were told they’d all just got over a vomiting bug. Great. Two days go by and in the wee hours on the day we were meant to leave, DH started heaving his guts up every 20 minutes. I paid a hefty fee to change our Eurostar train to late afternoon, hoping he’d be okay to travel by then but as the time neared to leave it was clear he was still in no shape to go. I had work the next day and a babysitter to relieve so had to get back, and told my BIL and SIL my DH would have to stay over and come back when he was able to travel. They said that wasn’t possible as they had work the next day, handed us some carrier bags, and drove us to the station! I was absolutely furious, especially given that they gave the sickness to him and hadn’t even told us about it until we were there! Such CFs. I refuse to ever go there again.

I’m sure she would also rather be at home, but a 4 hour drive with D & V is simply not reasonable to ask, so you and she will have to put up with it. It probably won’t last long anyway.

This is the kind of shit my family would pull. 'Oh we think you'd be more comfortable at home' which actually means we don't want you here, you're inconveniencing us. If you're going to be selfish at least own it.

Leave the poor girl to rest and go on with your plans. When she feels well enough she will undoubtedly choose to go.

Would you want to stay in a travel lodge if you were really unwell? Sounds awful to me.

I can't believe you're still planning g.on having family over! I hope you've told them all there's (most likely) norovirus in the house? You'll probably come down with it soon enough and that will be your plans cancelled anyway.

Relocate your plans and make people aware of the risks

Maybe she is already busy chucking her own guts up?

4 hours!! If you suggested this to me I wouldn't be coming back to visit.

I wouldn't want someone spreading germs in my home when I had more people coming over, but you can't seriously ask someone to drive four hours when they're that ill. And it's not the plague! For most people, even if they caught the bug, it would be uncomfortable and an inconvenience, but not life-threatening.

It's reasonable to expect her to isolate from everyone else, and I'd be using sanitiser and taking other precautions diligently, but if she wants to go home, she'll suggest that herself. If any of your potential guests are at serious risk from a stomach-bug, I'd warn them accordingly so they can make the call themselves.

Your husband is being a selfish jerk, I'm afraid.

When you say gently, do you mean passively aggressively?
Because I can't imagine outright asking someone who's vomiting to leave and drive 4 hours away.

I like how the DH thinks you should be the one telling her to go. If he wants her out, he can be the Bad Guy.

Shame!

😂😂😂

I think it would be positively cruel to make her leave.

I came down with a stomach bug while staying at a friend's and they let me stay an extra 2 nights until I was properly better. Our journey home was under 3 hours normally, but I was dashing to the lav every 20 minutes or so and would never have made it between one service station and the next without shitting myself.

I think it’s passive aggressive to suggest she’ll “be more comfortable at home”. That’s just another way of telling her to leave without having the nerve to outright ask her to leave. It’s cruel to kick someone out just because they’re unwell, it’s treating them like they’re an inconvenience. It’s also unkind to expect someone to drive for 4 hours with a sickness bug when she needs to be right next to a bed and bathroom. It’ll likely be out of her system in 12 hours and she’ll be back to normal. Be kind and make her feel welcome and maybe ask if she needs anything rather than making her feel guilty.

Well chances are she’s caught it from your house if she’s been there since Monday. I once had to do a 4 hour trip with a sickness bug and it was hell on earth.

If I was her and you treated me like that I would be dumping the boyfriend as I wouldn’t want to have to spend years stuck with such an inconsiderate family.

I would cancel your plans OP, you could be highly infectious and I would chalk it up to bad luck. Don't let people come into your home, norovirus is utterly grim and will ruin their Christmas next week - they won't thank you.

But the poor girl can't be expected to leave if she's exploding from both ends and can't be away from a toilet.

Also, please don't invite anyone into your home for the foreseeable future, if it's norovirus then it's likely already making it's way around the family.

And please don't send them to a hotel to infect others, keep it contained within your home.

Absurd to suggest they drive 4 hrs home with a stomach bug.

How would you handle the situation if it was you husband (or someone else that lives with you permanently) had the bug? Would you change plans for the family gathering or have them anyway?
Whatever you would do in that situation, do in this situation

As many have said the real option is cancel the meal at home and let the others know what's going on before going out to meet them if you refuse to cancel full stop. It's in your home now it's 70/30 you'll get it depending on how the hygiene levels are/if sharing any rooms etc.

Even if she stays away, if your son is with her and the comes to mix with you... Even higher risk.

Blwach, antibac and open as many windows as you can stand during the day to air the place out.

We came back on the 8th from visiting family who didn't tell us there were germs present. Still ill now, it's wiped us all out completely and put the mockers in seeing others family and friends and preparing for Christmas.

Don’t ask them to leave. If they were in any position to do so they would have done.

I would ask them to minimise contact with others, as I’m sure she/he is.

bless her.

The poor girl, that must be quite horrific for her. If she is still being sick then travelling 4 hrs would be horrific, and how would.she travel? Public transport? One of you drive her? Maybe if one of her parents could collect her? I would go and collect my kids.

My strategy with vomiting is to isolate the sick person, give them their own toilet. Any glasses cutlery meed a hot dishwasher wash. Shared bathrooms need bleach between uses and no toothbrushes left in there.

It would.be unfair to let your guests come given she is there and likely still contagious.

Do you want to continue to have a relationship with your son and any future grandchildren he and his girlfriend may produce?

If the answer is yes, I would suggest letting them stay put. Good hygiene and make sure she has everything she needs to be comfortable - this Christmas could shape all of their future Christmas plans.

You can't throw her out in that state but neither should anyone else be exposed to those germs. I'd only host if she's using a separate bathroom, otherwise I'd cancel the event, even though it's really disappointing. And don't make her feel bad.

Sadly, you may have to cancel your plans - depends on how isolated she can be from the rest of the house. You don’t want your guests to catch it. And yes, it’s too cruel to send her home.