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AIBU?

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Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
WeeAgnes · 18/12/2025 05:49

Poor girl.
Let her stay, anything else would be cruel.
It may just be a 24 hour thing anyway but let your incoming guests decide what they want to do.
Remember - she may be a "house guest" right now, but she could also end up potentially being your future DIL.
Treat her with kindness, as you would want to be treated yourself, in the same situation.

Get your DH to be on Disinfectant Duty!!

monjmaintainer · 18/12/2025 05:49

The poor girl she must be mortified as well as feeling horrific. If this were me I would already be desperate to leave rather than being ill at my very new potential in-laws and the thought of more family due to arrive and if there were any way possible I would be trying to find a way to get home or get to a private room in a hotel already so the best option is that you do not make the suggestion at all. If she’s well enough to manage the move she will probably decide this herself, if she’s not well enough then you suggesting it just means they will never forget (and if there’s even a chance this could be your future DIL - that’s not what you want).

Firstly you need to warn everyone due to see you. Having them over does not seem wise at all, tricky as it is to reschedule at such short notice this time of year. Can you relocate the meal and do the entertaining at one of your other DC’s homes. It doesn’t eliminate the risk of passing on the bug but much better than having guests to yours now you are in this situation.

JustMyView13 · 18/12/2025 06:00

That’s a long time to have a stomach bug - she should be recovering by now. I think it’s harsh to evict her, if she could make the journey, I’m sure she would. Are you sure she’s got a bug? And not pregnant?

Guavafish1 · 18/12/2025 06:03

as son to drive her back

moose62 · 18/12/2025 06:03

Could it be something she ate rather than norovirus? I have a very sensitive stomach and can react to food badly when no one else does.
I would ask DS nicely what his GF would prefer to do. She might rather go home but might not want to say so.
If she wants to stay, lots if cleaning products and suggest they don't join you for the market or other outings if she isn't up to it.

BluebellPie · 18/12/2025 06:08

That’s tricky. I don’t think I could ask her to leave, but I definitely would want to. If I were to be a guest at your house I’m afraid I wouldn’t come this close to Christmas. What a pain! Hope all your plans work out.

Underthemagnificentbeechtree · 18/12/2025 06:14

JustMyView13 · 18/12/2025 06:00

That’s a long time to have a stomach bug - she should be recovering by now. I think it’s harsh to evict her, if she could make the journey, I’m sure she would. Are you sure she’s got a bug? And not pregnant?

I think it’s just since last night (Wednesday) she’s been sick.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 18/12/2025 06:15

I would kick her out poor girl! Chances are you’re already exposed if it’s a virus. I would be cancelling plans anyway even if she did leave.

ShesTheAlbatross · 18/12/2025 06:17

You can’t kick her out!

If I was your family and due to visit, I’d be cancelling I’m afraid.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 18/12/2025 06:17

Your house is already germ ridden.
Kicking her out will just mean you are also DS free for a while....
Would you kick out your child if it was them ill?

Francestein · 18/12/2025 06:18

Could she be pregnant maybe?

PinkHairbrushClub · 18/12/2025 06:19

Honestly. I’d look after her. Get her some dioralyte. Let your DS do all the running about (I suspect she’ll prefer that) but keep her warm, cared for, and supported until she feels well enough to travel. It wouldn’t cross my mind to turf her out that poorly.

Glitchymn1 · 18/12/2025 06:25

What’s the cause? Food/drink or bug? She might be better in the morning. If not you can’t throw her out being that ill, I bet she’s bloody mortified.

sciaticafanatica · 18/12/2025 06:28

You need to be prepared to cancel you plans.
i would not want to be around people exposed to a sickness bug

SaySomethingMan · 18/12/2025 06:39

Francestein · 18/12/2025 06:18

Could she be pregnant maybe?

This was my first thought tbh, and I wondered if I was the only one who thought along those lines.
It’s probably too early for them to tell you.

My first thought was that you should get them a hotel so they’d be more comfortable ( if that’s what they want) and tell the guest about the illness and leave them to choose with a thorough disinfecting exercise after they leave for the hotel.

Lmnop22 · 18/12/2025 06:40

If it was your DH who was ill would you send him 4 hours away?! Not sure why her only being a house guest when she became ill is relevant since she lives so far away and cannot possibly be expected to drive home. I also suspect if it was your son who was sick you wouldn’t ship him home even though he doesn’t live with you anymore! Please just looked after the poor girl and treat her with dignity!

Moonnstarz · 18/12/2025 06:41

If she is that unwell she needs to stay. Even as a passenger it would not be fair to make her travel 4 hours being sick.
Yes it's very unfortunate and I expect she feels mortified. When you are poorly of course you would prefer your home comforts and not to be in the family home of you boyfriend.
I would be cancelling the family meal at home and arranging to eat out.

Cupboarddoorknob · 18/12/2025 06:47

This happened to me not long before DH and I got married. We were staying with his parents and I got what I think was norovirus. We were only 90 minute train journey from home but I could no sooner have done that than fly to the moon, I was so ill.
Fortunately I had a separate bathroom to use and kept away from his parents best I could. DH had to leave for work 1 or 2 days before I was well enough to go. My in laws made sure I was okay and I bleached the bathroom top to bottom before I left.
Either put them up in a nearby hotel or let them stay. Poor lady I’m sure she is feeling awful enough as it is without the added humiliation of you turfing her out with nowhere to gos Also, if it is your DH who is so set on it then he can tell her and your son, why is he saying you should suggest it?

Lazygardener · 18/12/2025 06:47

What would be ‘gentle’ about asking someone with a stomach bug to travel for 4 hours?

ChelseaBagger · 18/12/2025 06:47

Obviously you can't bundle her into a car whilst she's still actively unwell. The problem will come when she's feeling a bit better and she's up and about and wandering round the house touching door handles and light switches etc whilst still contagious.....

Either way, I would warn visiting family of the situation so that they have the opportunity to make their own decisions.

Cupboarddoorknob · 18/12/2025 06:49

Also to add if my parents had done this to me and DH if the roles were reversed I probably would take a dim view and visit them less often, as it is a selfish move.

ComfortFoodCafe · 18/12/2025 06:51

No you cant do that to her, the bug is already in your home regardless wouldnt be suprised if one of you come down with it in the next 2-3 days.

JustMyView13 · 18/12/2025 06:51

Underthemagnificentbeechtree · 18/12/2025 06:14

I think it’s just since last night (Wednesday) she’s been sick.

Show quote history

For reasons that are not clear, my brain read that they arrived on Saturday and were due to leave on Monday. It doesn’t say that at all, you’re so right!
Off to get some coffee ☕️

Franjipanl8r · 18/12/2025 06:52

If you asked her to leave she’d probably dump your DS and want nothing to do with your family ever again. Your DH is cruel!

Just tell guests the situation and let them decide what to do, they’re adults.

YouDriveMeCrazyButICanDoThatMyself · 18/12/2025 07:00

It’s already risky to you and your new guests, but you absolutely can’t ask the poor girl to leave!

Tell the in laws. In their shoes I would cancel tbh.