Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
OilyRoundTheCogs · 18/12/2025 14:27

I am baffled by this thread. OP posted this morning and said that the GF had been sick all night.

Maybe she ate too much rich food? Drank too much? Is pregnant? Isn't used to OPs cooking? Is nervous about staying in a strange house for Christmas? Has social anxiety? None of us know

Or, maybe, she has a stomach bug. So she just needs to keep to herself and implement sensible hygiene precautions (along with the rest of the household).

Some of the reactions on this thread are insane. She hasn't been diagnosed with Ebola (or, indeed with anything). People get "bugs" sometimes although everyone on MN definitely has Norovirus Ask her not to shit/vomit into anyone else's mouth. Or maybe OP should just burn their house down to be on the "safe side".

SodiumNitritePlease · 18/12/2025 14:27

KingfisherBluey · 18/12/2025 14:22

I don't think OP is coming back.
I don't know if they are in the UK given the timing of her post.

So much depends on how many loos they have.
And if OP or the son is willing to keep it clean after she's been in there.
If it's norovirus it spreads like wild fire and no guests should be coming.

If she's 'only ' being sick, she should stay in her room with a bucket and anything else she needs.

There is no way anyone being sick all the time could travel by car. It's dangerous because she could end up dehydrated from not drinking enough.

Is Panto a thing outside the UK? I assumed she was in the UK because of that.
Hopefully, the whole house isn’t awash with vomit by now 🤮

Coalday · 18/12/2025 14:35

A very difficult one.
There is an awful dose going.
I don't think you can, maybe offer to put them up in a hotel?

But tell family and give them a choice.
Personally I wouldn't want to be going near a house with it.

Mcpdon · 18/12/2025 14:39

Gmary22 · 18/12/2025 13:55

It sounds like youve never had full blown norovisurs, theres no sitting in a car for 4 hours unless you want your car covered in s h i t.

Show quote history

Oh I certainly have. I carry a superking mattress protector with plastic waterproof backing. The entire car seat and backrest and even floor can be covered. So no shit on car.

ParmaVioletTea · 18/12/2025 14:41

Your DH is unkind and wrong.

sprigatito · 18/12/2025 14:41

Mcpdon · 18/12/2025 14:39

Oh I certainly have. I carry a superking mattress protector with plastic waterproof backing. The entire car seat and backrest and even floor can be covered. So no shit on car.

Show quote history

But shit all over you and your clothes, if a mattress protector is necessary? The stench must be intolerable.

HevenlyMeS · 18/12/2025 14:42

Yes completely concur with you & also if they were going to pick up the bug from her, they most likely would've already picked it up by now anyway
I can't imagine recommending someone drive for 4 hours whilst so unwell 💚

HevenlyMeS · 18/12/2025 14:43

Yes I'm in agreement with you too💚

OilyRoundTheCogs · 18/12/2025 14:43

Personally I wouldn't want to be going near a house with it

With WHAT though? We have no idea what the cause is?

BadgernTheGarden · 18/12/2025 14:52

If there is a local travel lodge or a nice hotel locally they might be willing to move there (if it was me I would be desperate to get out of potential in-
laws house if I was that ill), but I can't see how it won't sound rude to ask. Could you suggest it to your DS and get him to present it as his idea, more privacy, their own bathroom, etc. Rather than mum and Dad don't want us here. But the proper thing to do is look after her and warn the other guests, she will probably prefer to stay in her room if she's ill, but if it's a bug DS has probably got it already and likely you too.

Justdancevance · 18/12/2025 14:55

The poor girl. Just imagine this was your daughter. Not a nice way to spend time with your potential in laws.

Id leave her lots of liquids, ask her kindly to stay in her room / hopefully en-suite bathroom until she feels better, I’d get some tummy friendly foods and electrolytes to leave for her to heat up when you go out over the next few days and she’s under no obligation to join you until she feels upto it

When she’s feeling better ask her if she wants to wash some clothes.

Coalday · 18/12/2025 14:57

Norovirus is doing the rounds at the moment.
My friend has been so sick with it.
If there was any chance it is that, I would be avoiding it.

BillieWiper · 18/12/2025 14:59

I don't see how she'd be comfortable travelling or driving that much if she was sick. She's already ill so the horse has bolted as far as the possibility she's passed it on goes.

I think you can't really make someone violently ill leave the house surely?

PinkPanther50 · 18/12/2025 15:00

Wow. Just wow. Maybe take a moment and think about what you’ve said. If it was your husband that was ill would you evict him to the local premier inn?
let’s hope for her sake that the relationship fizzles out so she has a chance of finding a decent mother in law.

justasking111 · 18/12/2025 15:01

@grittie hasn't come back so IMO this is a dodgy thread

Pistachiocake · 18/12/2025 15:15

I wouldn't in the least be offended if the family offered to pay for me to stay elsewhere, or I could afford it myself, especially if they had other family who might be old/ill/pregnant etc visiting. I'd probably want to go, not meet my potential in-laws (?) when I've got that kind of bug, because if I was very young and healthy (and on the plus side, that would mean I'd throw it off soon, and want to go as I'd still be a risk to others), it's far less of a threat to me. Now whether I'd be well enough to go to a hotel/travel home is another matter. Personally I'd have cancelled coming to you at the first sign of that bug, but if there were no signs until I had already arrived, that's just how it is. So you're not unreasonable to gently suggest, but the fact she hasn't already left suggests she doesn't feel like she could cope to leave. Either that, or it's very strange, as who would want to stay in that situation if they didn't have to?

SodiumNitritePlease · 18/12/2025 15:17

Mcpdon · 18/12/2025 14:39

Oh I certainly have. I carry a superking mattress protector with plastic waterproof backing. The entire car seat and backrest and even floor can be covered. So no shit on car.

Show quote history

That’s gross. Why go through all that rather than stay in bed and run to the loo as required?

PensionedCruiser · 18/12/2025 15:31

OilyRoundTheCogs · 18/12/2025 14:43

Personally I wouldn't want to be going near a house with it

With WHAT though? We have no idea what the cause is?

You HAVE to treat it as though it's a norovirus unless you're certain it's not something else. (If you absolutely must know, ask your GP if they will send a stool sample for testing).

Plenty of hand washing, hand sanitiser and cleaning surfaces likely to be touched with a bleach solution should prevent its spread, but it's almost inevitable that your son will get it, if it's a viral illness.

snugasabug75 · 18/12/2025 15:38

What did you decide to do OP?

Hippobot · 18/12/2025 15:40

As awful and disappointing as it is, I think you should leave her at yours to recuperate and cancel all your other plans. If it's noro you do not want to be spreading that around. You'll ruin things for possibly many many more people if you go ahead with plans.

Poodlelove · 18/12/2025 15:42

You should cancel your other plans and the poor girl should be allowed to rest up at your house, imagine her having to travel like that 😱

SodiumNitritePlease · 18/12/2025 15:43

I wonder if the OP is not coming back because they have sent the poor girl home and/or are going ahead with all their festivities without considering other people could get infected too?

Hippobot · 18/12/2025 15:45

Mangoes822 · 18/12/2025 05:17

Get them into nearest travellodge not to spread stomach bug to the rest of the family, theres nothing to be offended at make sure they are comfortable there and if they need anything you drop it by. Im sure your other huests wont be impressed when they arrive to find out there is noro/rotavirus lurking around,worse if someone has small children or elderly relative in their household

You are suggesting the vomiting guest goes to a Travelodge? To potentially infect dozens of people? Jesus wept. Moving her out of the house now is not going to prevent the next guests catching it when they arrive at OP's house unless some serious bleaching and airing out goes on. The home owners will already be infected by that point anyway if it's noro.

CandyCaneKisses · 18/12/2025 15:47

I imagine she doesn’t feel too comfortable being unwell in someone else’s home so I would insist she is made to feel welcome by everyone and stays until well enough to travel.

If I was asked to leave with such a long drive home I would never come back or see those people the same again.

MyMiniMetro · 18/12/2025 15:47

This is unfortunate, but you’ve gotta be nice. Regardless of whether their relationship goes all the way, your son would never forgive you if you treated his girlfriend badly.

You really need to rethink other people stopping over if you have somebody poorly in the house. So you need to contact all your other guests and let them know the situation.

They may be able to book in a local hotel so that you can keep your plans or just come down for the pantomime. I’d also consider eating out rather than having people at yours to eat.

I promise you that nobody is going to want to visit a house where they have a potential of picking up a stomach bug and ruining their own Christmas. Nobody will thank you if you push on regardless.

It’s not the poor girls’s fault. It’s not like she would’ve wanted to ruin her boyfriend’s parents plans the first time she properly meets them. Don’t make her feel like an inconvenience.

As a side note, I’d be really concerned about your husband’s attitude to a sick person. Aside from the four hour drive, presumably your son would stay with her, so you’re getting rid of your son as well? Well, unless he has the same level of sympathy as his dad, I’ve got to be honest, your husband is giving the vibes of being one of those men who’d move out first sign of serious illness. Not reassuring for you and something I would definitely address.