Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

Someone did this to my friend when she was 29. 3 years together and changing the goalposts of things she’d been clear she wanted since the early days of the relationship. They broke up and the following week she went on a hinge date with someone, they've been together ever since and happy as Larry. Ex was flabbergasted as, like you, seemed to have assumed no one would be interested in her. That was 2 years ago, the ex is still single lol

I mean he could have talked to her about what kind of timeline she might have in mind and given her some indication around his thinking or reasons why he didn’t feel quite ready yet, rather than dismissing her perspective as “silly”.

Risky for her?
Rarely do I read such rubbish.

She doesn't want to feel like he's marrying her out of obligation

Team girlfriend.

How would that conversation go?
I would be thanking god I dodged a bullet if I dumped someone then their mum turns up demanding an explanation.

No don’t talk to her, it’s her choice and as upsetting as it is for your son they need to work it out themselves. If a boyfriends mum had contacted me when I was younger I would thank my lucky stars at the lucky escape I’d had.

The fact that you accidentally typed ‘I hadn’t’ instead of ‘he hadn’t’ speaks volumes about you and your relationship with your son.

Absolutely. The would be mother in law shows her true colours!
ETA I am a mother in law just in case this causes offence

Don’t stress. Tell them both there’s plenty more fish in the sea.

She’ll find someone to marry and he’ll find someone who’s happy to be a long time partner.

It’ll all work out for both of them (separately).

She doesn't want to be on the shelf.

The source of his immaturity and reluctance to act like an adult is no mystery!

Many of my happily married with kjds friends didn't meet their partners until mid 30s. Starting again at 27 is risky 😂

Shes a ' lovely girl' apparently with her own flat who wanted to marry her partner of 3 years. He didnt want to marry her so she ended it. He shouldn't propose when he wasn't ready but that means she has every right to tell him to sling his hook. He soon ran back and proposed. Good on her for standing her ground. She probably knew he'd throw 'you forced me to marry you' in her face or to get his mother onside in any arguments. If this is a reverse, good on ya girl. I wish more women had as much self respect and knew what they were worth.

Definitely do not contact her. Do you really think she'll just continue to go out with him even though she doesn't like him anymore just to keep you happy?

It's her business if she no longer wants to be with him. And his to navigate the end of a relationship.

Just be supportive of him and let him stay at yours ideally until after Xmas when things have calmed down. Maybe help him with a deposit or moving costs?

He will get over it given time. She obviously wasn't right for him.

Nothing is more attractive in my eyes than, than a grown man getting his mum to sort out his relationship messes… Really Op, leave well alone.

Good for her. I left my bf of 6 years back in the 90s because he was non-committal. He’s still unmarried and childless. Fine for him but no regrets about leaving him.

She said no that isn't what she wants now!
I don’t blame her. She doesn’t want a husband who has been forced into it.

Starting again at 27 is risky
Not as risky as staying with a man who has shown you clearly that he doesn’t want to marry you despite knowing it’s important to you.

Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

this made me laugh 😆 team girlfriend here, sounds like she has a lot of sense.

Can't you see it's not that she doesn't want to marry, she does, but she knows the only reason your son suggested looking for a ring, is because she's dumped him!! He hasn't suggested it because he wants marriage, and he hasn't suggested it because he's madly in love and can't live without her!! He's saying it for all the wrong reasons and she knows it!! If they married it would be a disaster, he'd feel pushed into it, and she'd know that's exactly what's happened. They need to part ways as amicable as possible and both move on.

Agree...

Maybe she wanted out of the relationship and that was her way of going about it.

She can't make your DS marry her and if he's not ready it would be wrong to rush into it.
Heart broken as he is clearly she's not the one for him.

She gave him well over two years before bringing it up, and then several months leeway to have a proper think and come up with a proposal after bringing it up directly. That is ample time if he was actually keen to marry her!

Good for her, she did exactly what we advise women to do on here, which is have an open and honest conversation and if your goals aren’t aligned to leave the relationship. Your son called her silly then tried to go back on what he’d said once she dumped him, how would she ever be able to trust what he’d said after that?

I hope she gets the life she wants, and maybe have a chat with your son about being respectful of women.

You have to be joking right?

He's 30 - old enough to know his own mind
He's 30 - dismissed her conversation around marraige as "silly timelines".
He's 30 - living in her apartment & now back with his mummy
He's 30 - said he's buy a ring now - hilarious!

She's 27. She isn't running out of time. She's ran out of patience with a man child, who lodged in her apartment, dismissing serious conversations about marraige & who also sounds emeshed with his mother.

She sounds too mature to put up with him and good for her.

She does know what she wants op- someone who after 3 years concretely knows he wants to marry her, and doesn’t need his arm twisted into it. Stop dismissing her. And for gods sake 27 is not too old to start again. Your son isn’t her last chance by a long long way.