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Original poster

Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

1000 replies

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

OP posts:

Bayou2000 · 15/12/2025 19:58

Are they at nursery school?

UnctuousUnicorns · 15/12/2025 19:58

Good for her for not wanting to waste any more time. Three years after meeting my now DH, we were married. He was 28, I was a month off 28 myself , and seven weeks pregnant with our first DC. Now 30 years together, 27 years married, and with three DC, I'm glad I didn't spend years being strung along by some bloke who ums and ahs and dithers about committing. 30 is well old enough to know what you want. At that age my own father was married to my DM, and dad to DB and me. Better that than this generation of permateenagers. I don't blame her for walking away.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/12/2025 19:59

Good for her. I’m pleased that she has a wise head on her shoulders.

Imagine how sad she’s been, feeling that he doesn’t want to listen to her, didn’t care how she felt about getting married and thought her concerns were silly. And now that he needs to find somewhere to live, he suddenly can propose.

That doesn’t make a woman feel wanted and cherished. Now he gets to feel how she’s been feeling for ages.

I told my boyfriend that I wouldn’t be following him around the country unless we were getting married. If wanted to stay together he needs to propose, or I’d have to make decisions that benefited me without taking him into account. I would have liked not to have to pint that out to him. And if he’d answered with, ‘yes, at some point’, then he’d have had his marching orders.

PrettyPickle · 15/12/2025 19:59

I think you need to backoff here here and consider it from her perspective.

She clearly wanted to be married and to your son. She knew exactly what she wanted then and now. She spoke to him about it and asked for a timeline. Your son said he doesn't do timelines. He chose to ignore the warning shot, risky given he lived with her - his fail, not hers. She will have sat there thinking her feelings were not reciprocated and that sort of kills the love.

Time has rolled on and she ended it because she wanted a commitment he was unwilling to voluntarily give. It was never going to be good news whatever time of year.

I wouldn't accept the proposal now either and no-one wants to think they have had to force their partner into a marriage, they need to know their partner felt the same way as them and its spontaneous and heartfelt. Quite frankly, you are not helping.

Your son is an adult, he is responsible for his own decisions and you interfering will not go down well with his ex. Its totally understandable that he is devastated and my heart goes out to him but ultimately this is because he failed to read the room and not her failure to communicate her needs.

I have lost count of the times my friends (male or female) have spoken to their longterm partners seeking some sort of commitment and their partner either fobbed them off or avoided it like your son. My general advice was always that if you both have different life goals and your plans for the future do not align - walk away! There are exceptions (i.e when stepkids are involved) but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 15/12/2025 19:59

27 is not a risky age! There’s loads of men in their early 30s who do want marriage and kids. Better to try to find one of them rather than settle for a man who had to be forced into a proposal.

moderndilemma · 15/12/2025 19:59

It's all about communication.

If he'd said 'WE will decide to do it when the time is right for BOTH of us" is very different from him saying HE will decide. Equally her putting all the cards in his hand is not good - what is his timeline for 'getting engaged' is different from 'what is our shared timeline for when we might make a legal commitment to each other'.

Condensationon · 15/12/2025 19:59

You know if he married her now it wouldn’t work because she would always know he didn’t really want to?

that young lady has her head screwed on and well done to her.

xxxwd · 15/12/2025 20:00

If you are a real person then you are a fuking embarrassment.

Lookingforthejoy · 15/12/2025 20:00

KittyFinlay · 15/12/2025 19:55

Poor girl, wasting 3 years of her 20s on a man who refuses to commit until it's a choice between that and moving back in with him Mum. I don't know what's more insulting, the fact he clearly had no intention of marrying her before or that he's willing to do it now because it's inconvenient to be broken up with.

I hope she soon finds a man who knows categorically that he wants her and is ready to commit to her, and I hope your son grows up.

But so much better to realise it at 27 than 37.

Childanddogmama · 15/12/2025 20:01

'Starting again at 27 is risky' has to be one of the most ridiculous things I've read on here!!!

ladycardamom · 15/12/2025 20:01

I wouldn't want a proposal under these circumstances either. Maybe instead of talking to her like a silly child and telling her he didnt want a "silly timeline" he should have discussed it a bit more and asked her if it was a deal breaker? Lesson learned. She told him what she wanted and he said it was silly.

Anyahyacinth · 15/12/2025 20:01

She sounds brilliant, your son is not one of the good ones he lorded over his GF and was fine with thinking he’d call the shots, do as he pleased. Ignore her upset. It blew up in his face when GF decided not to be subject to his control.
That you think she won’t find another man is part of the problem…who cares? She will be in control of her life and happiness and not being told she is silly. So hope she sees this thread and is having the time of her life.

Iamtired123 · 15/12/2025 20:01

Boo hoo

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 15/12/2025 20:02

He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.

So when he felt the time was right? She was ready to progress the relationship and he was dilly dallying. Good for her. A hard lesson for him but sounds like he has some growing up to do.

Very silly of you to even think of contacting her. Your son is an adult.

Frogs88 · 15/12/2025 20:02

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Show quote history

She sounds like someone that very much knows what she wants. I’m not surprised that she doesn’t want a proposal from someone that dismissed her before.

InterIgnis · 15/12/2025 20:02

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

Show quote history

Ah yes, how can she resist now that he’s changed his mind in a bid to keep the roof she provides over his head? She doesn’t sound unsure as to what she wants at all. She wanted to know what he thought about marriage, and now she knows his thoughts she wants him out.

Starting again is 1, most definitely not risky at 27, and 2, preferable in every way to feeling stuck with someone you don’t want to be with.

Winter2020 · 15/12/2025 20:02

Your boyfriend buying you a ring just because you have asked him to move out of your apartment isn't exactly the romance a woman dreams of is it?

I think the best thing he could do (if he wants to win her back) is move out ASAP but find out if she will consider still dating him while he wins back her trust and makes a better go of it second time around. She might find she misses him when he is gone.

Motnight · 15/12/2025 20:02

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

Show quote history

She knows what she doesn't want. Your son.

MissDoubleU · 15/12/2025 20:02

Bobiverse · 15/12/2025 19:44

Yeah, he wants to marry her “at some point in the future but doesn’t want to get into talking about when that might be.”

Which is the same as “never.” And she’ll waste her fertile years on him. That’s just the reality @OneGreenPoster. She wants marriage and kids, he won’t commit and it’s been long enough to make that decision.

Show quote history

Yup, the man is 30 and couldn’t discuss expectations after 3 years together. He didn’t want to commit, she called his bluff. Good for her.

She shouldn’t settle for a panic ring either. Giving her one just because she’s dumping him, what kind of man is he?

Vaxtable · 15/12/2025 20:02

Leave it alone

she obviously doesn’t love him or she would be happy to wait for a bit longer having had the discussion with your son only recently

KittyFinlay · 15/12/2025 20:02

Lookingforthejoy · 15/12/2025 20:00

But so much better to realise it at 27 than 37.

Show quote history

Definitely, she is still young and will meet a man (not a boy!) soon. I met my now husband at 26, he proposed 12 weeks later and we've been happily married ever since. When you know you know and if you don't know then stop wasting the other person's time.

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 20:03

Wambamaloomaawambamboo · 15/12/2025 19:57

So propose to her when he wasn't ready? Great idea!

Show quote history

Well funny his ready now his going to be homeless

Cynic17 · 15/12/2025 20:03

OP, other people's relationships are absolutely nothing to do with you. Please,, please stay out of it.

Wishimaywishimight · 15/12/2025 20:03

You are totally right OP - march straight around there and tell her that she needs to take him back immediately and whats more, she needs to wait until he's good and ready to propose, even if it takes another 20 years...

The unspeakable nerve of the woman, taking control of her own life!

PeachySmile2 · 15/12/2025 20:03

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

Show quote history

lol it’s not risky at all!! 27 is young, she’s not 47!

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