Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

If you want to help them reconcile, it sounds like you should take him out shopping and make sure he buys a ring

This is just more mummy's interference.

Men need to grow up.

They don't sound compatable.

Good for her. She knows what she wants and is too smart to waste her fertile years on a man who doesn’t agree with “silly timelines”. He’s had 3 years, FFS! And he’s living in her flat—should have thought about the consequences of his actions before he drove her away. He needs to grow up (he’s in his 30s)!

So what's your son going to do?

Pull out all the stops, some seriously detailed future plans at some inconvenience to him, really showing he's taken notice of some of the topics previously raised by her.

A slightly random Richard Curtis style cinematic set piece?

Book a venue, pay and risk the deposit, for an elopement dash?

Get a cold revenge by channeling his angst into a future Christmas No1 classic?

My uni boyfriend told me that his 'dream' was for us each to have a flat in the same city. He was working as an accountant; I was a teacher, 25 yrs old. I dumped him. We'd been going out for 3 yrs.

This was back in the '80s and I was actually getting people assuming that we were engaged.

There were other signs of incompatibility, but the wanting us each to have our own flat in the same city was the final straw.

His mum definitely didn't contact me, thank goodness.

Do you really want your son to be in such a controlling relationship.

YABVVVVU

He’s been a fool. He’s 30 for heaven’s sake not 18! When the time is right indeed, when’s that when he’s 50!

Kudos to her.

After three years I think it was sensible of her to have an adult conversation with your son about their future and the importance of an engagement leading to marriage is for her.

He appears to have been quite offhand with her and it’s no wonder that his apparent lack of interest in making a commitment to her by way of an engagement has got her thinking that he isn’t the man for her.

She has had a lucky escape as you sound unhinged and your wanting go meddle in this is a massive red flag that you would be the mother in law from hell.

Your son needs to accept responsibility that his lack of commitment has finished the relationship and that he shouldn’t expect mummy to go and find her and tell her she’s been a naughty girl and must get back with him.

sounds like she dodged a bullet there.

He reserved the right to decide when and if he would propose. She claimed the right to decide when to say no more. Team her here.

And he wouldn't commit but was happy for her to provide a roof over his head? Team her here.

OP I hate to burst your bubble but your son is NOT the catch you think he is. You may have him living with you for quite some time. While I hope she very quickly meets someone who thinks she is the best thing that ever happened to him and they have a long and gloriously happy marriage.

Good grief. In his 30s? (No, I haven't read the full thread. Must catch up now.) She's well rid.

I think they are not compatible and it's a good thing it happened.

100% this

He doesn't love her if he thought her timeline for moving a live in relationship to marriage was dumb and not worth his time. Now he wants to marry her when she's telling him to leave and he's inconvenienced having to find a new place to live. He either cut off his nose to spite hisface or he's using her as a convenience. Either way shows he's got a nasty misogynistic streak towards women that you seem to share, thinking 27 is old to be finding a lovely partner.

She knows what she wants. Your son doesn't despite being older. I bet he doesn't think timelines are so silly now, considering he's on one to move out.

It's absolutely none of your business. The girlfriend knows her own mind and good on her.

Also OP you sound a little too involved and enmeshed with your adult child. He is 30 years old. His GF told him to shit or get off the pot and he squatted there for months longer.

Why are you coming up with “theories” that you think the newly single friend has influenced her thinking? Your nose is far too in their business. Maybe next time tell your son that he should work on clear communication and not being afraid to set expectations in relationships.

He basically told her “yeah maybe one day, but I won’t say when.” It’s completely immature of him while painful for her to wait out all her fertile years hoping he will finally give her a an ounce of commitment. He showed his arse and she held her ground.

One was me. I hit the wrong option!

OP is unreasonable lol. The pair were not on the same page!

She was ready to get engaged and take the next step, she tried to sit him down and explain her feelings and he shot her down and told her he wouldn’t discuss timeline or any of that silly stuff.
Just exactly what did your son expect?! For her to just wait around until he decided it was time to get married….
It means nothing now if he goes and gets a ring because she knows that he’s only buying it and taking that step because he feels he has to in order to get her to stay with him.
No one is at fault, his girlfriend was ready and he wasn’t so it is better to part ways then waste anymore of each others time.
At 27 she has a good few years to find someone else and start a family if she chooses to. I got married at 28 after being with my DH for 5 years, we had our first child at 30.
You shouldn’t be getting involved other then to help your son find alternative accommodation.

Reading your posts it honestly sounds like she's dodged a bullet!
It's nothing to do with you, what a silly idea to think you're going to "talk some sense into her" 😂

Man child of 30, in a three year relationship with a woman looking for commitment from him....when exactly is he going to be ready and how long should she wait to find out?

Why do you think this is any of your business

I know someone who was with her DP for ten years. When she reached 30 she asked for a commitment and he refused so she left.

He was sure she’d come back, after all they’d spent a decade together.

Turns out unbeknownst to anyone a lovely chap from work had been desperately in love with her for years and asked her out pretty much immediately.

Her ex was apparently devastated when she got married 18 months later.

@OneGreenPoster

You are seriously telling us you think your son is a catch?

Your son has had his first ‘Fuck Around and Find Out’ it seems’

You would do well do tell him to be clearer in the future. His girlfriend is brilliant.

Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel

But if she waited until after Christmas it would be "Just before New Year" then "Just before Valentine's Day" or "Just before his/her birthday" or "Just before the summer holidays" or "Just before their anniversary."

In her place, I'd just be thinking "He doesn't want to have to find his own place to stay."