Page 33 | Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

whatsnewpussycat34 · 15/12/2025 23:44

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Hankunamatata · 15/12/2025 23:47

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

Agree with your husband.
She was just asking for a timescale and he wouldnt commit - he didnt love and adore her if he wasnt worried about her feelings.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 15/12/2025 23:48

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

There is hope for your son if his dad is a sensible bloke, and knows it was his sons fault.

It WAS his fault.

Mum, if he wasn't ready for a commitment, why is he now talking about rings?

It was a case of he didn't realise what he had, until it was gone.

Hankunamatata · 15/12/2025 23:49

If he wants one last try he neds to go buy a ring. Fill a room with flowers and ask her to marry him. Put himself out there with a grand gesture, be willing to put himself out there and how her he cares

ThePerfectWeekend · 15/12/2025 23:50

Did you read the poll where 98% of respondents said YABU? This really is none of your business and getting involved will, in all likelihood, make the situation worse.

Illegally18 · 15/12/2025 23:50

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

The 'cruelty' before Xmas is neither here nor there. Xmas and the New Year is often a time when people think of how the year has been and how they're going to go forward. The girlfriend is looking after No. 1. Why would she want to spend another Xmas and NY with a man who's obviously not that into her?

Goldbar31 · 15/12/2025 23:51

He’s 30, living in her flat, and sounds as though he was blasé about a future.

27 is not a risky age to start again. Her actions would suggest she knows her worth.

You would sound like a lunatic contacting her to ‘talk some sense into her’!

AbbaCadaBra · 15/12/2025 23:51

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

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It sounds like she knows what she wants. Your son had his chance and he blew it. She probably doesn’t trust that an engagement will end in marriage and she probably wanted a nice engagement without him being forced. She sounds like an amazing woman. I would be very proud of her if she was my daughter. She’s not accepting g being messed around.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 15/12/2025 23:53

YourZippyHare · 15/12/2025 22:53

A big lesson for your son here.

Sounds like he thought he could decide the pace of the relationship unilaterally. A very old-fashioned notion.

You seem to think his ex has lost a massive catch. But there's nothing decent about a man dismissing his girlfriend's feelings about marriage when they've been together 3 years in their late twenties.

Indeed. In fact, in times not too long ago, it would have qualified him as a cad.

maisydaisy20 · 15/12/2025 23:55

I suspect that as she dumped him before the Christmas party that she already knew a certain someone would be at the party and she could tell him that she's free now. Maybe someone a bit more financially mature as well.

decenteringmen · 15/12/2025 23:55

Good for her.

Laura95167 · 15/12/2025 23:55

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

It isnt about how he felt, it was about how he behaved.

It makes no difference if he loves her, if they discussed commitment and he didnt even want to discuss a timeline as a man in his 30s that will have hurt her.

He might love her with everything he has, but he didnt want to do anything about it until he lost her.

DeftWasp · 15/12/2025 23:57

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 15/12/2025 23:44

I don't believe you're hapless at romance. I think you're just lazy. What is it about romance that you find so hard? Booking a nice restaurant? Buying flowers? Writing a nice card? Do you have trouble with executive function and fine motor skills? If so, I apologise.

You're not hapless at romance, you're just another lazy crap man who doesn't want to romance his woman but probably still expects her to put out just the same.

Excuse my perimenopausal rage at the "I'm so crap, me" pile of poo that men pull in order to get out of being a good partner.

Maybe she should say "I'm just hapless at sex, me. I just never know what to do. It's an optional extra that I won't be bothered about, because after all, I'm just hapless at it." 😡

ETA: I'm going to try that in future. "I'm a woman so I'm totally useless at sex." That's what you said in your first post, except you said romance instead of sex.

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I'd say you were slightly deranged myself, rather than hapless.

4forksache · 15/12/2025 23:58

Too little, too late. It probably took her several months to detach emotionally enough to actually finish it.

AbbaCadaBra · 15/12/2025 23:58

MummyWillow1 · 15/12/2025 19:50

WTF planet are you on? Starting again at 27 is risky?? She might have wanted to marry your son, doesn’t mean she just wants to get married and start popping out kids!

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And for all op knows there may be someone with prospects who has had his eye on her and will jump at the chance to date and eventually marry her. She sounds like a catch.

MaplePumpkin · 16/12/2025 00:00

“Talk some sense into her”… oh I am creased laughing at this!

There is NOTHING more appealing than an ex boyfriends mummy ringing up to try and convince a woman to take her precious son back.

Sounds like she’s made her mind up, don’t think you getting involved will make the slightest bit of difference, apart from push her away further. Christ she’ll be so glad she dodged a bullet not to have the MIL from hell impending.

Its a shame for your son, but good for her. If she wants marriage and possibly a family and wants a loose timeline for when this will happen, but he can’t give her that, then good on her for not settling for less.

Fernsrus · 16/12/2025 00:01

Sunflower459 · 15/12/2025 23:15

My partner and I aren’t married either, no intention of getting married, I’m not into it. But I think the problem here is that the GF made it clear that she did want to get married, but was shut down when she tried to discuss it. This wasn’t a sudden thing; she waited and nothing changed so now she’s ended it. He may very well never want to marry, and that’s fine, but he should have made that clear to her when she raised the issue, instead of gaslighting her into thinking her need for reassurance or some indication of his intentions was ‘silly’.

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Fair point.

PoliteSquid · 16/12/2025 00:02

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

It absolutely is your DS’s own fault for stringing along his girlfriend. She made it clear months ago. He was noncommittal and took it for granted she’d wait and wait….

Good on her for taking action and standing up for herself. Your DS doesn’t get to treat people like that!

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 16/12/2025 00:02

I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this

She. Is. A. Tart. 🤣🤣

JFDIYOLO · 16/12/2025 00:03

If this is not a reverse ...

Your manbaby boy (30, FFS ...) gets his feet under her table, refuses to even engage with adult conversations about their relationship, calls her needs silly, and runs to mummy to have a word with the nasty lady when she says 'no'.

I'd bet my house that if she'd stayed with him, in ten years time when her bio clock is screaming, he'll still be going maybe baby, too soon, silly to make plans ...

Keep. Out.

whatsnewpussycat34 · 16/12/2025 00:04

What a queen

TealSapphire · 16/12/2025 00:05

She's been very sensible here. He said 'he'll decide when the time is right'. Why does he unilaterally decide when their relationship progresses? It's meant to be a partnership!

One day ago he's not ready, and now she's dumped him he'll go buy a ring?!

mmsnets · 16/12/2025 00:05

who the hell are you to get involved??

your son fucked up

its got nothing to do with you

Lifeisapeach · 16/12/2025 00:12

3 years of dating and living in her place and at 30 years old he wasn’t willing to discuss their future together… sounds like she dodged a bullet there op!

for what’s it’s worth…. I hope this feed shows you how much he took her for granted. Good on her for knowing what she wants in life!!

Newusernameforthiss · 16/12/2025 00:17

This is exactly what happened to me. I dated a guy, loved him so so much, he wouldn't propose although I was pushing 30. I dumped him, his mum rang me, said we were so good together, wouldn't I reconsider, etc etc., I said no, he had so many chances, sorry but it's too late.

Was happily single for two years, met my now husband, have twins. Thank fuck I dodged the non commitment bullet!!!!!

OP: I see from social media that my ex did meet someone and now has a son. So please don't give up hope, this might be the "wake up and smell the coffee" moment that makes him get on with it 😉 but yeah sorry he fumbled this one!