Page 23 | Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-15T19:23:19+00:00

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years. Just because he hasn't proposed yet. He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged. He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right. She was upset at the time, but it was left at that. Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold. I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

ghostyslovesheets · 15/12/2025 21:51

Good for her!

Laura95167 · 15/12/2025 21:51

Youre saying starting again at 27 is "risky" so is staying with a man who doesnt know when he will be ready for marriage.

If at 30 he doesnt know then this is just who he is, and its not good enough

She didnt ask for an immediate ring, she asked for his timeline, she didnt impose her own and he refused to commit to a time. So from from her perspective shes wasting hers. She deserves a man who knows what he has when hes with her. And after 3 years, when hes 30 (not 21) if he cant even say when he would be ready, whats she waiting for? Id bet my mortgage this is not the only time this has been discussed.

She does know what she wants. Shes just realised it isnt your son.

And if she is on her own for a bit thats OK. She shouldnt have to be grateful for a man who isnt sure when he will want to commit. On the grounds of the good ones are in short supply. He doesnt sound the prize you think he is. She doesnt owe him sticking around for Christmas. And if she had youd have complained about her getting her gifts before leaving.

Honestly, if the best thing you can say about his is he's a safe alternative to being alone.. well thats telling.

I hope her Christmas party was fabulous

WearyAuldWumman · 15/12/2025 21:52

Namechange4326789779943 · 15/12/2025 20:40

Funnily enough, I also know someone this exact thing happened to. I would say “I wonder if we’re thinking of the same people?” But I fear this exact scenario is waaaaay more common than people realise!

Show quote history

That's pretty much what happened to me.

Funnywonder · 15/12/2025 21:52

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 15/12/2025 19:25

Yes go and talk some sense into her.
Then come back here and tell us what she said 😂

🤣🤣🤣

Dgll · 15/12/2025 21:52

Maybe he should have listened to her 'silly' timeline and then he might have had a heads up.

In long run it is probably for the best that they split up. He was dragging his feet for a reason.

Original poster

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

OP posts:

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 21:53

ChampagneLassie · 15/12/2025 21:50

If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it👯‍♀️💍

Bit of this and a bit of Wondering around signing.

Baby where the hell is my husband.

ChampagneLassie · 15/12/2025 21:53

I’m so team girlfriend here. BUT if actually they are great for one another then he should go all out to woe her back. I’d want big public displays of adulation like flowers to her workplace. Banners. Etc really if this is the woman he wants to marry a normal proposal is too little too late he needs to really up his game

Izzywizzy85 · 15/12/2025 21:53

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

His dad is right, it is his own fault. He should have listened and taken her seriously.
A case of “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone” it would seem.

CherrieTomaties · 15/12/2025 21:53

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:32

He's 30 she is 27 of course I won't emotionally blackmail her. We got on really well and I just wanted to tell her how much he loves her and remind her that there isn't many good men out there

She is a lovely woman I'm just shocked how she went about ot, just before Christmas too

This girl has made a very VERY lucky escape from you as a mother in law.

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 21:54

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

His 30!!! 3 years together and he couldn’t even propose till he was made homeless.

He needs to get his act together and admit he either actually didn’t love her that much and see her as his one or his stupid and fucked up the best thing he ever had 🤷🏻‍♀️

none of that is her fault for his lack of actions. Words are cheap.

PippaPentangle · 15/12/2025 21:55

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

It’s been three years. She’s not waiting around and I don’t blame her.

Maddyisqueen · 15/12/2025 21:55

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

OP he will get over it…next time he won’t hang around!

sounds like his dad is only one with sensible outlook

she doesn’t want to marry him clearly - she’s past the point of no return

G5000 · 15/12/2025 21:56

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?

If he's not ready to even discuss timelines when he's 30 years old and been with her for 3 years, he will never be ready.

Nevernonono · 15/12/2025 21:56

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

At least he has one sensible parent and it’s not you!

He told her that he’s “not doing the silly timeline thing” talk about fucking demeaning!!

She was upset, but was left at that?

No she was upset and thought it through and realised she could be waiting for ever!

And now, he wants to buy a ring …… so romantic and must make here feel so adored and wanted! When might he decide the actual wedding would be 2040?

MissDoubleU · 15/12/2025 21:56

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

She wasn’t asking he walk down the aisle that day / she was asking to discuss a reasonable timeline as a couple. Marriage is a joint decision and he shut it down, belittled her and told her HE would do it when HE was ready, but she had to sit and wait an unknown amount of time. What if he isn’t ready for 5 years? 10 years? He wouldn’t be the first man to make a woman wait years on a promise of some day.

somenerves · 15/12/2025 21:56

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

I suppose we all think as she clearly did - if after 3 years at 30 he didn’t want to marry her, then he didn’t love her enough or in the way she wanted to be loved.

And don’t say “he did want to marry her”. When you want to marry someone you propose. She could clearly tell he was holding back for some reason. She’s done them both a favour OP, in the long run. That’s what you should tell your son. Next time, when he loves someone and wants to marry them one day, he should propose. And he certainly should discuss timelines if they want to.

PithyTaupeWriter · 15/12/2025 21:57

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

If he 'loves her, absolutely adores her', then why on earth didn't he do what he needed to do to keep her? Sounds like he's only just realised this because she's decided she doesn't want to be strung along any longer. Your DH is right IMO.
Things have changed and we no longer see men as a prize to be won. Your DS would do well to realise that and behave differently in the next relationship.

andIsaid · 15/12/2025 21:58

rwalker · 15/12/2025 21:40

So she discussed it 12 weeks ago never broached again or did ultimatum
Then dumps him out of the blue before Christmas then off out with newly single friend
Considering she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him then now wouldn’t even consider it just seems a bit strange she got her eye on someone else

Another way to look at the would be - she discussed it 12 weeks ago which gave him time to mull it over and get back to her.
But, he didn't and his silence spoke volumes.
So - she took her life in her own hands, and decided to enjoy the season alone...

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 21:58

The thing is engagement is just that a promise to marry. He wouldn’t even give her a promise.

The ring could go still been a promise of a wedding a year or two away but even couldn’t even promise a I want to marry you in a couple
of years. Already dragging till she’s 30 before the wedding.

He just wanted his warm bed in her apartment.

Carodebalo · 15/12/2025 21:59

I just read how you would have advised your own daughter to have another conversation about it, if it were her instead of your son’s girlfriend. But you know what - the girlfriend already told him what she wanted. She was clear about it! He did not listen and told her the time would come, one day! She is absolutely 1000% right that she has taken control, and has decided that a man who needs to think long and hard about marrying her (possibly forever, who’s to know?) is not the man for her. She is right. We all know it, and deep down you must know this too.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 15/12/2025 21:59

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

Three years is long enough to know if you want to get married or not.
He thought he could string her along with no commitment and he’s now in shock because she’s taken control of the situation.

Hopefully he’ll mature and treat his next girlfriend better.

MissDoubleU · 15/12/2025 21:59

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 21:58

The thing is engagement is just that a promise to marry. He wouldn’t even give her a promise.

The ring could go still been a promise of a wedding a year or two away but even couldn’t even promise a I want to marry you in a couple
of years. Already dragging till she’s 30 before the wedding.

He just wanted his warm bed in her apartment.

Exactly this. He wasn’t ready to wed, but he also wasn’t ready to say “this is the woman I want to marry”
they could have been engaged three years. He wasn’t even willing to discuss the issue.

Your DH is correct. Your DS tried to hold all the cards and he fumbled. His heartache is his own doing.

Laura95167 · 15/12/2025 22:00

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Show quote history

Oohhh catty!

She does know. Its just not your son. She might not meet anyone for a few years.. or she might meet someone at the Christmas party.

Ask your son how many times in the last 3 years they've talked about marriage. And ask yourself would he have got a ring if it wasnt a grovelling ring... if she hadnt left hed still be avoiding that silly planning for a commitment

Silverbirchleaf · 15/12/2025 22:00

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying he didn't love her because he wasn't ready for a lifelong commitment yet?
He loves her, he absolutely adores her. He is really upset I've never seen him like this before.

Obviously its hard as his mum, especially when his dad is less than sympathetic and also thinks it all his own fault.
Son is hoping she changes her mind, but dh says I shouldn't be getting his hopes up

I think you should listen to your Dh. He obviously could see the writing was on the wall.

You’re obviously concerned about your son and want to support him. That’s natural. However, ex has taken the decesion out if his hand, and you both have to accept this, however hard it may be.