Page 22 | Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

tistheseasontobegrinchy · 15/12/2025 21:38

Good for her!

She vocalised what she wanted, when her partner said he wasn't interested and dismissed her feelings, she mulled it over, and she cut her losses.

Too many women wait around hoping the man will change. Your son might have been serious about buying her a ring to stop her from leaving him, but he would probably have then kept extending the engagement to the point that the ring was just a ring, and not a symbol of any kind of future.

This is a woman who knows what she wants, and what she's worth.

Maybe she won't find anyone better. But she's giving herself possibilities. And she's not settling for a man who clearly doesn't have the same priorities that she does.

Kinda want to buy her a drink and toast her!

Dweetfidilove · 15/12/2025 21:38

Better she realises they are not on the same wavelength, than having to browbeat him into doing 'silly timeline things'.

PippaPentangle · 15/12/2025 21:39

He who hesitates is lost because women aren’t doing the silly timeline thing and other eligible bachelors are joining the queue all the time.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/12/2025 21:40

PeppercornMill · 15/12/2025 21:27

It sounds a lot like she said "when are you going to propose to me?", rather than her actually asking (perhaps even getting down on one knee) "will you marry me?". Women don't have to wait for 29th February.

They both sound suited to each other, she can't be bothered to propose and neither can he!

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The word 'proposal' came from the OP who is clearly biased and has a fixed point of view. We don't know how the woman concerned would have phrased it. We know she raised the subject of marriage we don't know she expected him to go down on one knee.

jajajajajaja · 15/12/2025 21:40

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

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Starting again at 27 isn’t risky. She’s still very young and lots of men are still available at that age. It would be riskier staying with a man who won’t commit.

rwalker · 15/12/2025 21:40

So she discussed it 12 weeks ago never broached again or did ultimatum
Then dumps him out of the blue before Christmas then off out with newly single friend
Considering she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him then now wouldn’t even consider it just seems a bit strange she got her eye on someone else

PigeonsandSquirrels · 15/12/2025 21:41

Crocksnsocks · 15/12/2025 21:30

But you also can't insist someone proposes. Both parties have to be ready and willing.

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Yes and he wasn’t… so she left because they weren’t on the same page. Both parties must be ready and willing and if they’re not then she has the right to walk.

Bestfootforward11 · 15/12/2025 21:43

I understand you care for your son but he is 30 years old and you need to stay well out of this. Be a listening ear to him if he wants/needs it but these are choices that he needs to make and a relationship that he needs to handle. You have a fragment of what their relationship was about as told through the eyes of your son. His GF told him she wanted some kind of timeline and his response was that he wasnt going to do any ‘silly’ timeline stuff so basically gave her no reassurance other than it will happen when ‘the time is right’ which is completely meaningless. I appreciate you see your son as a catch but he really isn’t perfect and I’d direct any attention towards him rather than his GF. He needs to take some responsibility for his own actions.

womenarehuman · 15/12/2025 21:44

I don't think she knows what she wants

She knows: she wants a clean break. His asking her to marry him NOW doesn’t work for her because she’s always going to know that he had to be coerced or manipulated into it. She wants someone who wants to be with her for life and knows it and has no qualms about saying so and making tentative plans, even if some logistics still stand in the way. And if she can't have that, she's not afraid to be alone rather than settling.

She asked her potential life partner for a discussion on where things were going and he ridiculed the idea that one was needed. I would also have started to have very severe reservations about a future with him at that point. I’d have seen his deciding that his verdict of “silly” was the end of the discussion as a concern; if we can’t communicate openly about a difference of opinion on when to get married, how are we going to keep lines of communication open when really difficult decisions are needed, for example dealing with major economic setbacks, health issues, or all the ins and outs of raising children?

Your son isn’t ready for marriage or a lifetime commitment, and that’s OK. Support him as he grieves the loss of THIS relationship - which will be very hard even if he probably knows that it wasn’t right - and perhaps subtly help him to figure out what else is needed before he feels he’s ready to “settle down” if indeed he ever is. And try not to judge his ex too harshly: sure, she broke up with him a few weeks before Christmas, but would it really have been better for her to pretend over the holidays and have him eventually find out that she wasn’t being honest?

somenerves · 15/12/2025 21:45

Good for her! I can think of many friends who should have done this at 27 rather than realising at 32 that their boyfriend wasn’t going to propose.

BettysRoasties · 15/12/2025 21:46

Bet her next man has a ring on her finger before he has his feet in her sheets permanently.

Engaged, married baby on the way within her next three years.

Him well he will either move super fast with the next or will drag his feet again then wonder why at 40 his single again.

Namechangesecretsignature · 15/12/2025 21:46

Fucking fantastic play from her! I wish I’d have done the same. Whelp! I guess he realises what he’s missed out on now and learnt the hard way. Diddums.

InterIgnis · 15/12/2025 21:47

rwalker · 15/12/2025 21:40

So she discussed it 12 weeks ago never broached again or did ultimatum
Then dumps him out of the blue before Christmas then off out with newly single friend
Considering she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him then now wouldn’t even consider it just seems a bit strange she got her eye on someone else

Why would she broach it again when he shut her down as being silly?

It sounds more like she was getting fed up of coasting along with the man she was housing. When she knew he was happy to just keep coasting and had no intention of planning a future beyond that, she was done. Feelings can die very quickly, and when they’re gone that’s it. Why drag it out when your heart’s no longer in it?

Mischance · 15/12/2025 21:48

He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.

No he was saying he would do it when HIS time was right. So she told him to hop it and who can blame her?

Hopefully he has learned his lesson when it comes to future relationships. He needs to listen ..........

JayJayj · 15/12/2025 21:48

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

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Too risky at 27? 😂 ok.

She knows exactly what she wants. A partner that’s wants to be with her and marry her. Not someone than realises too soon what he had so wants to get her a shut up ring to keep her.

She told him what she wants. He did nothing. She isn’t wasting anymore time with him.

Who cares it’s just before Christmas? She should keep up pretences and have a miserable Christmas so your son can have a happy one?

StudentDays · 15/12/2025 21:48

If they haven't been discussing and planning a future together this is a totally valid move

Plenty of 30 something men who want someone to be their wife and have kids.

WimpoleHat · 15/12/2025 21:48

He wanted to marry her he wasn't going to just string her along forever

How was she supposed to know that when they’d discussed it and he wasn’t prepared to commit? Or even give a timeline of when he might be? I wouldn’t interpret that as a man wanting to marry me - and obviously neither did she.

Nevernonono · 15/12/2025 21:49

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

Good on her! She’ll hopefully find someone who isn’t going to dismiss her want to know where her life is going as he’s “not going to do the silly timeline thing”.

He’s living in her apartment, not bothered to get a place jointly and dismissing her want to be married etc.

She’s understandably got fed up and realised he’s not that bothered.

Why on earth is he now going to get a ring? He wasn’t bothered about her feelings a week ago?

He’s also made himself without a place to stay, by not having any commitment. He’s bloody lucky if she allows him to stay over Christmas!

MissDoubleU · 15/12/2025 21:49

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:12

My daughter engaged after 5 years of dating. I probably would have told her to have another serious conversation with him before leaving.
He wanted to marry her he wasn't going to just string her along forever

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But he told her she was silly for even asking to discuss a time line. He showed her no respect.

DressOrSkirt · 15/12/2025 21:49

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

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He dismissed her feelings, said timelines were silly, implied that he, and he alone, will know the right time to get married.
Then, when she decided she didn't want to be with a man that acted like that, he suddenly wants to go and get a ring right now and she's supposed to be grateful?

It won't take a few years to meet another man of that standard, but hopefully she takes her time to find a better one. She's 27 so has plenty of time, or she might find she's happier without a man.

Maddyisqueen · 15/12/2025 21:50

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 21:28

She’s probably found someone else and planned this for a while. If he wanted to marry her, he should of got her hint.

If that was the case she wouldn’t allow him to stay in her flat over the Xmas period me thinks

notatinydancer · 15/12/2025 21:50

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

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Too little too late. She’ll never know if he only proposed because she dumped him. Also 27 is plenty of time to find someone else.

ChampagneLassie · 15/12/2025 21:50

If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it👯‍♀️💍

NoNever · 15/12/2025 21:50

Crocksnsocks · 15/12/2025 21:30

But you also can't insist someone proposes. Both parties have to be ready and willing.

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You’re right. And she didn’t. She made the smart choice and left.

Forthwith81 · 15/12/2025 21:51

I have no patience with any woman who waits around for a proposal in this day and age. We aren't living in a Jane Austen novel. Your son's girlfriend asked for a "rough timeline" and he said it would be when "the time was right." Why does he think it's up to him? Why does she seem to think so too, for that matter? They ought to have sat down and discussed marriage like adults and decided on their plans together.

Having said that, I don't see anything wrong with the girlfriend calling it quits. If she doesn't want to continue the relationship, that is entirely up to her. Please don't contact her to "talk some sense into her." It's none of your business.