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Original poster

Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

1000 replies

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2025 21:26

She is not the one for him, she’s not that keen. I know you think your son is great but she doesn’t.

and the last thing you want is for them to stay together unhappy or break up after they’re committed to kids or houses

Lamentingalways · 15/12/2025 21:26

3 years is long enough to propose tbf, good on her for knowing her worth.

ilovelamp82 · 15/12/2025 21:26

But he is stringing her along, giving half promises with no time line to a woman of 27 that has her shit together, that clearly wants stability and probably kids is completely fair enough. She's expressed her wishes. He's not on the same page, so she needs to cut her losses and see if she can find someone who is more aligned with her. Good for her.

Hankunamatata · 15/12/2025 21:27

Your son brought this on himself

She made it clear she wanted a time frame and he called her concerns about time frame silly. I would have advised her to finish with him to

Maddyisqueen · 15/12/2025 21:27

Sgreenpy · 15/12/2025 21:25

I think maybe the girlfriend has either met someone else or at least fancies someone else.
Your son is probably not a catch. Sorry OP.
At 27 and 30 you should definitely NOT interfere.

god forbid she makes an independent decision - if she’d met someone she’d hardly let him kick around HER apartment till January

PeppercornMill · 15/12/2025 21:27

FarmingHard · 15/12/2025 21:22

OP didn't say that at all. She asked him if he wanted to marry her, the words OP used. She was quite direct. "Do you want to marry me," is basically a proposal.

Show quote history

It sounds a lot like she said "when are you going to propose to me?", rather than her actually asking (perhaps even getting down on one knee) "will you marry me?". Women don't have to wait for 29th February.

They both sound suited to each other, she can't be bothered to propose and neither can he!

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 21:28

She’s probably found someone else and planned this for a while. If he wanted to marry her, he should of got her hint.

WimpoleHat · 15/12/2025 21:29

He didn't want to commit to her so she called off her commitment to him..

This is spot on. And I’ve read so many stories on here about women who’ve been strung along by men that I must say that I admire this young woman. She told him what she wanted and he told her he didn’t want the same thing at the moment. So she decided to cut her losses. Good for her.

Folderoller · 15/12/2025 21:29

Your son took her for granted, didn’t take her seriously, dismissed and minimised her wishes, and arrogantly expected her to wait. She’s done the right thing.
I have a good friend who did what your DS’s gf did and for the same reason. Their parents didn’t comment or intervene. Nor should you. After a time friends reunited them and he used his fortunate second chance. They idolise each other.

Thatsalineallright · 15/12/2025 21:29

PeppercornMill · 15/12/2025 21:20

But she didn't. She asked him to propose to her.

Show quote history

According to the OP's first post: "she did ask him if he wanted to marry her". He said no not right now. She asked, he answered. How much clearer do either of them need to be?

Icecreamisthebest · 15/12/2025 21:30

Far more risky for her to stay with someone who has made it clear that he does not value her wants and will not commit. She has absolutely done the right thing for her.

Tell your DS that at his age this is what he can expect if he treats women in this way. He needs to grow up and realise that his behaviour was completely inappropriate and that being in a relationship means that you listen to your partner and take into account what is important to them. If he's not willing to do that he should stay single.

Crocksnsocks · 15/12/2025 21:30

ByKindOpalPoet · 15/12/2025 21:14

LOL, you don’t string someone along if you truly love someone. He’s done her a favour and he’s clearly already regretting it if he’s desperately trying to ‘win’ her back by proposing now.

Edited
Show quote history

But you also can't insist someone proposes. Both parties have to be ready and willing.

Ilikesundays · 15/12/2025 21:30

My mother broke off her relationship with my father after about 3 years together - this was in the 1930s! His mother went across London to plead with her to take him back and very embarrassed, she did. She told me after he died 70 years later, she shouldn’t have given in and the marriage was never happy (he was a very domineering man ; it would be called coercive controlling these days),
please let these young people sort their own lives out and don’t interfere.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 15/12/2025 21:31

She said she wants to get married soon he said ‘I decide when, not yet’ - she didn’t like that answer and left him. Good on her. I wish I had been so decisive about what I wanted earlier in life.

Bowup · 15/12/2025 21:31

If you want your Son to be happy, discuss with him that this is a real lesson in what sort of partner he is, and for him to LISTEN to his partners in the future when they are talking about what they want and need.
Otherwise you’ll be having this sort of bullshit in the form of different scenarios for years.

JH0404 · 15/12/2025 21:32

Good for her, she set her intentions and cut her losses when it became obvious he was coasting along and wasting her time. 27 sounds young but in the timeline of meeting, dating, moving in and getting married it’s not, she could end up having problems conceiving if she leaves it too late. Hope she finds what she is looking for, and fair play to the woman for standing on business.

Daytimetellyqueen · 15/12/2025 21:33

Bowup · 15/12/2025 21:31

If you want your Son to be happy, discuss with him that this is a real lesson in what sort of partner he is, and for him to LISTEN to his partners in the future when they are talking about what they want and need.
Otherwise you’ll be having this sort of bullshit in the form of different scenarios for years.

This is great advice @OneGreenPoster - do this & leave his ex alone.

Sadza · 15/12/2025 21:33

She did give him warning. She expressed her wishes. He said he wasn’t doing any of that ‘silly’ timeline stuff. She was upset. Now she’s off, and good for her.

Newnamehiwhodis · 15/12/2025 21:35

He was wasting her time, and he was rude if he thinks he can just say “when I’m ready” and not let her have a say in their future. Maybe talk some sense into your SON. He’s entitled and he treated her like she was an object for his pleasure, not a person.

good for her.

SunnyViper · 15/12/2025 21:35

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:12

My daughter engaged after 5 years of dating. I probably would have told her to have another serious conversation with him before leaving.
He wanted to marry her he wasn't going to just string her along forever

Show quote history

No, just string her along for a while then eh?

Hankunamatata · 15/12/2025 21:36

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 21:12

My daughter engaged after 5 years of dating. I probably would have told her to have another serious conversation with him before leaving.
He wanted to marry her he wasn't going to just string her along forever

Show quote history

But she already had a serious conversation. He minimised her feelings and didnt actually resolve that she was upset. He only has himself to blame.

My dh couldnt wait to marry me. I hardly would want someone who isn't even considering a time frame

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 15/12/2025 21:37

If he really wanted to marry her he would have proposed. He’s not a victim here, just another foolish man who thinks women will wait forever.

Franjipanl8r · 15/12/2025 21:37

He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.

They’ve been dating 3 years and he’s 30. He’s not that into her and she knows it. He’s just got a wounded ego at the moment now she’s dumped him.

MeanWeedratStew · 15/12/2025 21:37

You’re wrong about your son loving this woman. He doesn’t. If he did, he’d have been happy to discuss and plan a future with her. What he did love was the comfort and convenience of a relationship in which he thought he held all the cards. Now she’s pulled the rug, taken away his power, and he’s shocked.

Your son had every intention of continuing to waste this woman’s time as long as it suited him. She deserves better. Leave her in peace and let her find it. And then, like a good mother, ask your son what he has learned from this experience.

FarmingHard · 15/12/2025 21:37

PeppercornMill · 15/12/2025 21:27

It sounds a lot like she said "when are you going to propose to me?", rather than her actually asking (perhaps even getting down on one knee) "will you marry me?". Women don't have to wait for 29th February.

They both sound suited to each other, she can't be bothered to propose and neither can he!

Show quote history

I see raising the topic as an invitation to marriage. But I never got a proposal or proposed. We were just talking and next thing we know, we've decided to get married.

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