Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

How many of them had kids in those 7-10 years and then got married once the woman realised she was financially screwed without it?

Of course she knows what she wants and she wanted him to want to marry her for the right reasons and he doesn’t so she has, very sensibly ended things.

She’s still young but she sounds sensible. She has her own place and plenty of self respect. Good for her. Your son should take this as a lesson; if he messes a good woman around, she won’t wait for him.

She kind of did.

From OP: "A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged."

She brought up the topic of marriage and asked for a timeline. So she has taken that step of being the initiator.

Because she realizes he is lazy and not fully committed? She has already told him she wants marriage and his response was a vague not now then she has got her answer.

She's just that into him.

But she didn't. She asked him to propose to her.

I suspect the conversation a few months back was her dipping her toe in the water, so to speak, and testing the water. He never got the hint, and she’s decided to call it a day. Maybe she’s realised that he lives for today, and not for the future. He’s content living in her flat, and not moving beyond this.

If you read the OP you will see that she effectively did.

She has done absolutley nothing wrong here. She made it clear what she wanted to know about their future and as per usual your son dismissed her needs as "silly". What is so great about him that she should sit around waiting for him? He is the one who has been "silly" and found out women can't be arsed with it.
Who do men think they are? If a woman asks something he should have a proper honest talk about it, why is he more important and why is he the one to decide whats silly?
Good for her and sorry but tough shit on him.
Maybe he will learnt to respond appropriatly to the next person if they ask a serious question.
The person you need to talk sense into is your son.

Don't threat me with a good time babes

Only 3 years shuggles!!! They were living together - in her apartment!

in theory she may only have 5-6 more top fertile years!!!

And. He. Didn't. 🤦‍♀️

You remind me of one of my exes. A man who never got his shit together, still agonised about his ex being a bitch 20 years after the split, sending me aggressive messages every time we had even a minor disagreement... yet, when I refused to take him back blamed me for "finding someone better". All because he was never man enough to look at himself in the mirror. Of course, insinuating that I replaced him with another man was the easier option than face the fact that I am much happier single than being with him.

And why is the fixation with Christmas? I don't think it's a woman's job to "keep Christmas magical" for a 30-year-old baby. Especially since, by your own standards, they haven't been together for a that long. They are practically strangers, aren't they?

OP didn't say that at all. She asked him if he wanted to marry her, the words OP used. She was quite direct. "Do you want to marry me," is basically a proposal.

So you have to rush to choose partner in your teens, you just shouldn't actually marry them until a decade later. Right.

Btw stats show that the longer the relationship pre-marriage, the higher the risk of divorce. Oops.

He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
That was really rude and dismissive of him. Why does he get to decide when the time is right?
Maybe she broke up with him to get her message across. Seems like it’s worked! Maybe he will now go crawling back and actually listen.

Encourage him home if you want to interfere.

Otherwise beak out.

He tried to go crawling back and she doesn't want him now.

Likelyhood of marriage ever happening drops sharply after about 8 years together and only about 20% of couples eventually get married after they have been together 10+ years. So no, 7-10 years before marriage is not average or typical.

Funniest thing I've read in months. I'm so into this.

OP are you going to give the overwhelming feedback given here?

it could really help
him

"A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged. He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right. She was upset at the time, but it was left at that."

She broke up with him in her mind a few months ago when he dismissed her request for clarification on their future as "silly". It's not ok to dismiss her feelings as silly. They are valid to her.

It's clear he had no intention of marrying her. If he wasn't in the "right place" after 3 years then he's wasting her time and she's right to look for someone who values her and actually wants to marry her. Not someone who thinks they "might" want to marry at some point in the distant future.

She wants to create a future life with someone, he's happy to coast along. How would the children conversation have gone? Yes I want kids but can't give you a timeframe on when we might start trying as I'm not quite there yet.

Guys like him are future fakers. They have their current partner in a holding pattern, filling time, while they wait for the one they want to commit to to show up. Then she'd score the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" conversation.

The pity / shut up ring is an insult.

Good on her for backing herself and cutting him loose.

Mind your own business.

You cant seriously believe that you inserting yourself here will make her think wow yes this is what I want in a mother in law.

She will more likely be thinking lucky fucking escape. God, imagine mummy backing up her precious baby boy throughout their marriage.

She was clear what she wanted out of a relationship and decided to walk away when it became clear he wasnt on the same page.

A proposal to reel her back in is manipulative and I hope she doesnt fall for it.

It sounds as if the relationship wasn’t right for either of them.

He didn’t want to get engaged, despite being 30 and them being together for 3 years. And she doesn't like him enough to take him back now he’s back-peddling.

I think they’ll both be happier meeting other people. He already knew that, hence not committing to her. And she is now realising it, having taken the first step.

I think maybe the girlfriend has either met someone else or at least fancies someone else.
Your son is probably not a catch. Sorry OP.
At 27 and 30 you should definitely NOT interfere.