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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

1000 replies

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

OP posts:
waterrat · 15/12/2025 21:01

She can end it whenever she wants for literally no reason at all.

That's life! I imagine there is much more to this than you will know - of course! because they are two adults in a relationship.

She might have fallen in love with a man in the local coffee shop - she has every right to do that and walk away.

Risky at 27 to leave your son???? that's just ridiculous.

I can imagine it hurts if you were keen on her and thought he was settling down but come on op - butt out!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/12/2025 21:02

blankcanvas3 · 15/12/2025 20:51

I think what would really change my mind about breaking up with my boyfriend who had no sense of what the future was going to hold, is being contacted by his deranged mother who thinks she can talk sense in to me. So yes, definitely go for it

Not to mention all the hovering from the potential MiL. I think ex-gf has dodged more than OP's cock-lodging son. 😂😅

LML1989AL · 15/12/2025 21:02

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

let me re-write that for you….

My 30 year old son would not provide an honest and realistic timeline on marriage to the women he loves and wants to marry.

Shes better off without him, he sounds a cruel.

Eyeshadow · 15/12/2025 21:02

Sounds like she’s met someone else - don’t say that to him though.

She sounds awful.
3 years is not a long time.

Yes she might want to be married before kids and they’ve likely discussed this, but doing it this close to Xmas is just heartless.

AngelicKaty · 15/12/2025 21:02

Flatbellyfella · 15/12/2025 20:58

It sounds like there was not much love in the relationship on her part.

On her part? Give your head a wobble - she was the one who wanted commitment and a future. He just wanted to keep his options open. 🙄

VaxMerstappen · 15/12/2025 21:03

She's probably already had her head turned by someone at work, hence why she broke up with him just before the works party so she could crack on with a clear conscience.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/12/2025 21:03

Flatbellyfella · 15/12/2025 20:58

It sounds like there was not much love in the relationship on her part.

How on earth did you get that impression?

She wanted to marry him! She lost respect for him when he refused to even discuss a timescale for the thing that was very important to her.

CrispySquid · 15/12/2025 21:04

I was with my boyfriend and love of my life for 12 years. He always said he’d marry me in the future and of course we would be together forever. It was always “yes let’s talk about it next year”. Year after year like a complete mug I waited for that marriage proposal, fertility window slowly narrowing. Never pressured him as it wasn’t a “cool thing to do for girls to pressurise their boyfriends and I should just chill”. One day after 12 years he told me he was in love with someone else, left me for her and I was left single and heartbroken.

What an utter idiot I was for waiting on someone else’s whim or timeline for my major life decisions. He never intended to marry me and I wish I had found that out sooner rather than later. 3 years is plenty of time. I don’t blame her at all for knowing what she wants! I wish I was that courageous.

Sunbeam01 · 15/12/2025 21:05

YABU.

She sounds amazing. I don't think she has done anything wrong. Good for her.

If I were you I'd advise my son to fight for her if that is what he truly wants. Other than that - I'd stay out of it.

Chloebeeps · 15/12/2025 21:05

They are on different life journeys. She knows what she wants & he is happy to coast along - ignoring her hints. He is a cocklodger & only proposes when he realises he has f**d up & is about to lose his lovely lifestyle & home. Nothing makes a man fall in love faster than needing some place to live springs to mind.

PippaPentangle · 15/12/2025 21:05

bigboykitty · 15/12/2025 20:59

Good for her. She's not confused at all. It's not risky 😂

Show quote history

She’s 27, not 47! Good for her drawing a line under the matter.

G5000 · 15/12/2025 21:06

what's with 'but just before Xmas' posts?
Clearly she doesn't want to play happy families with someone who has said he does not see a clear future for them.

TempleOfShrooms · 15/12/2025 21:06

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Show quote history

Well, this fills me with dread. I'm 27 and have been single since I was 22. During these 5 years I've tried to meet someone but nothing has ever worked out for me

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/12/2025 21:06

Eyeshadow · 15/12/2025 21:02

Sounds like she’s met someone else - don’t say that to him though.

She sounds awful.
3 years is not a long time.

Yes she might want to be married before kids and they’ve likely discussed this, but doing it this close to Xmas is just heartless.

Oh, please... should she have carried on just to protect the poor lad's gentle heart?

Maddyisqueen · 15/12/2025 21:06

LML1989AL · 15/12/2025 21:02

let me re-write that for you….

My 30 year old son would not provide an honest and realistic timeline on marriage to the women he loves and wants to marry.

Shes better off without him, he sounds a cruel.

Show quote history

This!

he sounds lazy in the relationship

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 15/12/2025 21:07

VaxMerstappen · 15/12/2025 21:03

She's probably already had her head turned by someone at work, hence why she broke up with him just before the works party so she could crack on with a clear conscience.

What the hell?!

She wanted a commitment from him to marry her and to be able to discuss timescales like grown adults who wanted a future together. He provided neither, until after she had already decided to split up with him. There is ZERO indication that she had her head turned FFS, she just rightfully knows that she is worth more than a hurried promise of a ring only after complete inaction and avoidance during the relationship!

Jesus wept!

FarmingHard · 15/12/2025 21:07

Not your business. She knows what she wants. He didn't want to commit. They have different life priorities. She decided to call time on it. Of course she doesn't want a ring from him now. It's not from the heart, it's just to keep her around. Just before Christmas is irrelevant.

Fgfgfg · 15/12/2025 21:07

gruberandassocs · 15/12/2025 19:36

It's 2025 and women still wait to be asked. I despair..... Surely it's time to drop this whole one sided sexist shit show of men making a marriage proposal and the woman being grateful. Makes me cringe and wonder why our sisters threw themselves under horses and burnt their bras. Where is the equality?

I was going to ask why she didn't propose to him but I prefer your version.

SqishySqashmas · 15/12/2025 21:09

Ignore the risiculous MN pile on OP.

TBH I think she's done him a favour as insisting he propose is extremely overbearing. Plus copying her newly single friend is just foolish.

I have a feeling that she may regret this.

Cherrytree86 · 15/12/2025 21:09

Eyeshadow · 15/12/2025 21:02

Sounds like she’s met someone else - don’t say that to him though.

She sounds awful.
3 years is not a long time.

Yes she might want to be married before kids and they’ve likely discussed this, but doing it this close to Xmas is just heartless.

@Eyeshadow

why does she sound awful?

G5000 · 15/12/2025 21:10

Fgfgfg · 15/12/2025 21:07

I was going to ask why she didn't propose to him but I prefer your version.

Show quote history

she basically did, 'A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her'. He said not now and I don't want to discuss it.

Maddyisqueen · 15/12/2025 21:10

ByKindOpalPoet · 15/12/2025 20:59

So she has to put up with an engagement being a second thought? He’s only decided to buy a ring when he’s realised she’s leaving him and he’d be all alone and is trying to make her stay.
She knows exactly what she wants and it’s not your flaky son who has only decided he wants to marry when he’s realised he’s going to be alone. She didn’t want to wait around for good knows how long before he decided she was good enough to marry. He gambled and lost

she might not or she might meet someone who actually gives a cares more about her than your perfect son

Show quote history

Yes gambled and lost

not ideal
way to go into a marriage - I’ll go and buy a ring then as that’s what you want - lacklustre lazy

your son isn’t a catch

she is!

DoNotDisturb67 · 15/12/2025 21:10

Ok let’s pretend, you will contact her and say what exactly? 🥴

RoastLambs · 15/12/2025 21:10

Eyeshadow · 15/12/2025 21:02

Sounds like she’s met someone else - don’t say that to him though.

She sounds awful.
3 years is not a long time.

Yes she might want to be married before kids and they’ve likely discussed this, but doing it this close to Xmas is just heartless.

Why does she sound awful because she has some idea of how she wants her life to progress?

What’s Christmas got to do with anything? Are you saying that she should continue to have a relationship that she has decided is over? Pretend she still wants to be with him? Have sex with him and spend the holidays with him? He doesn’t want to marry her. He’s the one who made that decision so why is she awful?

PippaPentangle · 15/12/2025 21:11

SqishySqashmas · 15/12/2025 21:09

Ignore the risiculous MN pile on OP.

TBH I think she's done him a favour as insisting he propose is extremely overbearing. Plus copying her newly single friend is just foolish.

I have a feeling that she may regret this.

I have a feeling he may regret his “silly” remark.

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