Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

It would be typical for people to be in a relationship for much longer before getting married.

No it would not, recent UK wedding trend reports show the average length of a relationship before engagement is about 2 years and a few months from the start of dating to the proposal. About 22 % of couples get engaged within the first year of dating, and around 64 % within two years.
Live in partner who says they won't even discuss timeline after 3 years simply doesn't want to marry that person.

Good for her. They’ve been together for long enough and they’re also old enough. She made herself clear months ago, he’s had time. I think you know after three years, he clearly wasn’t as into her as he thought.

Andrew Tate has joined MN.
🤮

Ending the relationship because he hasn't proposed is entirely her decision.
But similarly, your ds should not feel backed into a corner. He shouldn't propose and get married when he doesn't feel ready.
So just concentrate on being there to support your ds through the break up. Anything else is overstepping.

Jesus wept.

He's 30 WTAF does Christmas have to do with it? He's not 10, presumably no longer believes in Santa?

She tried to discuss their future together. He told her he wasn't interested in talking about some kind of timeline or anything.

so SHE is taking control of HER future.

Why should she waste her life for a bloke who has no commitment to their future?

Throw in his mother who thinks she can explain how lucky she is to have Golden Boy & needs some sense talked into her.

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Oh & no, it's NOR that she doesn't know what she wants. She wanted him to discuss their future together, not propose under duress.

HE needs to move out. Stay with you or a friend.

My now SIL was on course for doing similar to my DB. They'd been together for 7 years, he hadn't proposed, she'd had enough and applied for a job back near her parents (4 hours away). My DB was panicing. I simply asked him what was the reason he hadn't proposed, he said he couldn't afford a good enough ring, so i told him there was one i had inherited in a safe at our parents house, and he could use that, or else our DM had a jewllery box full of inherited rings, so to talk to her. He used one of the rings and they have been married for 15 years.

So, @OneGreenPoster talk to your son, deal with any practical barriers from his end of the bargain, otherwise, step away and leave these two adults to live their own lives.

Seems sensible to me. After three years at 27, cutting her losses seems sensible.

‘Silly timeline’?! How incredibly patronising. Big oops. After 3 years, I think I’d have had enough of waiting too.

Are you for real? And then saying that at 27 she will be waiting for a few years?! She should settle for your 'prize' of a son without any consideration of her own worth, agency and wishes? WOW.

I really hope you don't have any daughters if this is how you think.

I have an ENORMOUS amount of respect and admiration for any woman who has the courage to leave a toxic, boring, or dead relationship. Good for your son's ex @OneGreenPoster Good for her for not marrying a man she doesn't love.

She has not dumped your son for no reason.

And I am actually embarrassed for you. Leave the poor lass alone!

.

If you want to reach out, don’t be begging her to change her mind. Just say you will miss her and thought they were great together etc. Don’t get involved beyond that.

It won't have been 'out of the blue', and not 'just' because he hasn't proposed. She is 27 and rightly wants to make plans with her life. It sounds like he's just been cruising along with little to no regard for her feelings.

But yes, please do get in touch with her to try to talk sense into her, and report back to us all here 😁

😂😂😂

Please don’t. It’s absolutely none of your business and if you wade in on your son’s behalf you’ll make him look like a mummy’s boy.

@Gymnopedie

I’m joking!! And I think OP might be too…

Stay out of it.

Your son sounds infuriating- he gets to set the pace of the relationship (while living in her house), and when she says enough his mum wants to have a stern word with her and tell her she isn’t getting any younger.

They mighty work it out, if they do you don’t want to have interfered.

She might be on the fence but then decide she doesn’t want to be with him because his mother interfered - and that’s not a pattern most people want in their life.

Or she might he’s off and meet someone who is not the same level and wavelength as her. Someone who will decide with her when they hit important milestones.

Your son seems to adopt traditional gender roles when they suit him. Not a good indicator of the sort of husband and father he will grow up to be.

He showed very bad manners; hopefully he’s not going to continue this pattern of behaviour if he’s lucky enough to meet anyone else at his age.

The cheek of him living in HER home and thinking he gets to speak to her like that.
She has the measure of him.
I hope she sticks to her guns and she gets rid of him asap.
He gambled and lost.
Not the brightest button in the box to misjudge her so badly.

I think what would really change my mind about breaking up with my boyfriend who had no sense of what the future was going to hold, is being contacted by his deranged mother who thinks she can talk sense in to me. So yes, definitely go for it

Oh Mumsnet, where were you when I was 26 and 30 and 34…definitely team girlfriend here.

None of your business OP. She's still in her 20s and she has plenty of time. 3 years is long enough to want what we want.

Maybe you can help him out with a place to stay or finding him somewhere. At 30 he should have given his future more thought.

You are not unwanted or useless if you don't have a man!! How absurd!

Same.

At 27 she knows what she wants and asked him a question. She wants a more clearer future and so ended it. It sounds like she has her head screwed.

A shame after 3 years but I can totally see her point of view.

I’m right behind you OP! Definitely call her and tell her how fabulous your DD is, how she’s not going to get another Man and how foolish she’s being.

Can you live-stream it on this thread so that we can watch? 🍿