Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

Id be super cross. She doesnt get to stay again EVER

YANBU ... 100 per cent

But what exactly did you say to her? You’re right it’s not ok to put you in such a position. She wouldn’t be staying again. If you insulted her maybe say sorry for what you said but stand firm on her not being welcome again

She is absolutely out of line and your husband is a wuss.

I’d have got up when the noise started and gone and told the bloke AND my sil they needed to leave NOW!!!

I’d have interrupted her and thrown him out. Absolutely outrageous behaviour. Certainly wouldn’t be allowing her to stay again.

How rude of her! If you are staying at someone’s house for the night, you don’t just invite a shag over with you!

I’d be furious too OP.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

Of course you're not and you know it.

Now to the real problem which is the wet wipe you appear to be married to.

Does he often tell you what you can and can't do, and leave you to set up the spare room because his sister needs to stay again?

She'd have been told at the time of it happening and thrown out on the street if she was my dsis let alone my SIL.

Disgustingly disrespectful of her.

I'd be putting dh out til he backed me up too

FGS what is wrong with your husband?

Chuck her out and tell her to grow up.

Absolutely not ok. Random bloke or not you do not bring a “ guest” to a house where there are sleeping small children.
She should be utterly ashamed of herself.
I would be beyond livid and she would not be welcome in my home for a very long time.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

What she did was completely unreasonable, yes.

What did you call her though?

I would have told him to leave as soon as I realised she wasn't alone.

She was absolutely out of order and your H should be supporting you. She can be as upset as she likes in someone else's house !

She wss very wrong and your annoyance is understandable.

However, what did you say to her because anyone who called me a slut or a whore would be waiting forever for an apology, no matter what the circumstances.

You should have got up at the time and told them to shut up and get out; your kids heard that. She was completely out of line to bring anyone back to your home, stranger or not, as your kids are there. She’d be out in her arse and not invited back.
The issue you have is your husband; he needs an ultimatum here. His wife and kids or his sister’s behaviour. He has to stand up for the rules in your house.

I think what you called her is pretty important too, because if you said anything along the lines of slut, slag or skank then you’ve lost the high ground.

I would be telling her to leave. Now.

And get your keys back, she can find another shag pad without young children there!

What did you call her?

She is so out of order. You have every right to say something and she wouldn’t be staying at my house again if we’re yours

After she pretty much laughed in my face I called her a fucking slapper. I’m not proud of it.

We have. She only stayed on Saturday and back to her own house on Sunday.

Yanbu, I would be so furious at this. I would have also told her to not bring her toxic relationship issues to your home as well. It’s a matter of time she will get back with the ex- her type always does.
this is a perfect time to stick to your boundaries. What she did was really so very wrong.

You were not wrong though.

Sounds accurate. Own it!

This he needs to grow a backbone