Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

People get angry under extreme provocation, which this was - don't be shamed by people pretending they've never used potentially offensive language when greatly riled! I think what I'd try to do is apologise for the word used, but tell her an apology is clearly also due from her. I'd definitely expect my husband to be involved and to back me up.

Given the extreme disrespect the SIL has shown to the OP, the comparatively mild language used by the OP in the heat of the moment after having her concerns laughed at is what you’re going to focus on? Really?

I agree with PP. You have a DH problem.

You were kinder than I’d have been!

Your DH is a disgrace - he’s happy for some random man to be brought back to the house your young children are asleep in and have loud sex with his sister?! That’s disgusting. Just thinking about the security aspect should have been enough to get him kicking them out!

I would be seething with my dh for not having a pair of balls and calling them out on what was happening. I would want nothing to do with dsil from today onwards. Who the feck does she think she is!!!.

Don't you dare apologise for calling her a slapper!

Stick to your guns. Absolute pure disrespect from your SIL.

Out of curiosity, what's the position of other members of the family (your in laws)?

I’d think anyone, man or woman, who was so desperate for a shag that they were utterly disrespectful to family, including small children, was a slapper tbh.

Yea she wouldn’t be staying at my house again. For her own sake in future you need to refuse to put her up - for a start, the fact she’s forced to stay home and face the consequences with her partner instead of running off for a day or two means the relationship is more likely to end sooner rather than later.

She put your children in danger. It’s not negotiable. She loses sleepover privileges.

anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

What did you call her, @JessNic ?

@JessNic YANBU OP and I'd be furious too. On the upside, she's kind of relieved you and DH of the "shoulder to cry on" role because she's so badly overstepped the line that the next time (and every time after) that she needs tea and sympathy you can tell her to fuck off and she'll know why.

A "slapper".

I would be very, very unhappy with my children at home. Incredibly disrespectful.

Somehow I suspect that the reason her relationship is so volatile is because she’s a serial cheat and shags anything and everything that moves.

Oooh, just seen it. A FUCKING slapper, no less.

That'll be why she focused in on reasssuring OP the bloke wasn't a total rando she found on a park bench.

I am with you OP. I’d have been furious and would have kicked them both out there and then. Calling her a slapper sounds mild!

She would be banned from my house forever more!

The ‘slappery behaviour’ here is the fact that she couldn’t restrict access to her vagina long enough to book a hotel or go back to the equally slappery blokes house. Instead they humped like dogs in a home that isn’t hers with children present. Don’t want to be called a slapper? Then don’t act like one.

Definteley not unreasonable and I hope you and dh are united on this

Just strategically, to secure the moral high ground - !

Indeed. And given what she was doing, so audibly, the adjective preceding the noun is entirely appropriate! 😂
I can't believe that some PPs are trying to minimise what the SIL did by focussing on the name OP called her after extreme provocation - as someone else said, this is a masterclass in deflection.

You keep calling him a stranger but he wasn't a stranger to her. I get that it was annoying but as an adult I'd accept that if she wants to have sex then that's up to her.

Being noisy and waking you up is annoying though. You could tell her to sleep at a hotel next time as your kids got disturbed. But I wouldn't lecture her on her sex life.

That is so grim and really crossed a line where young children are involved. It’s very disappointing if your DH won’t back you up on this and I would definitely revoke any offers of sleepovers from now on!

I hope you’ve made it quite clear to your dh that he’s been no help at all and if he isn’t on the same page and refuses to let her stay again it will be him who needs to find a place, that you won’t tolerate that in your house and now you know he can’t stand up to her you aren’t going to risk it again.

He is a complete stranger to the op, the ops and their 2 young kids. That is the problem here.