Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

Slut shaming is a funny term. Because I can’t think of a single one who are shamed by it thus they do it 😅

Its slutty behaviour man or women to bring a one night stand to a family members home and have loud sex. If you’re going to do it own the name after.

I’ve called men whores before because they were whoring it around. Putting it out to everyone who would accept it. It’s only
sexist if you’d only say it to one gender.

Your husband has no backbone. Your SIL is a disrespectful piece with questionable morals.

You did her a kindness and her actions have now caused ‘atmosphere’ between you and your husband! And she defends her actions!!

No way. If the SIL can't respect the OP and her home then the OP is wholly entitled to respond in kind.

To the PP who said "No one gets to call me that and I wouldn't speak to you again." if that is also the SILs stance then I suspect it'll be a blessed relief to the OP!

You shouldn’t have called her a slapper but given the circumstances I don’t really blame you tbh. What she did was fucking outrageous

Her behaviour was appalling, bringing in a stranger! And presumably she’s gone back to her partner? Does he know what she did? I hope he does and they break up permanently, sounds like it’s past time for both their sakes.

What a cheeky fucking bitch! I can sympathise as I had the same with my SIL always staying at ours when he kicked her out. She didn't bring anyone back to shag though so I should count my blessings. 😂I think calling her a slapper, although you feel guilty about it, will mean that you see less of her now which is probably want you secretly want. I know I did in the end. Your husband should have a word though. What she did was pretty disrespectful.

I would be furious too. All well and good saying she fancied getting laid, but don't be so clatty, and go to a hotel or something. Id be absolutely furious. Whether I had kids in the house or not. Who is cleaning up after them?!! Your husband needs to get a grip too and stop entertaining her trotting in and out when it suits her.

Well she was wrong to bring a bloke back to your home and you were wrong to call her a fucking slapper. Hard to take the high road when you're throwing insults like that around. You'd have been better to tackle the subject with her when you were calm. Anyway, lesson learned, don't let her stay the night again.

Not unreasonable though.

One is a bit worse than the other though, no? I don't think the op is massively in the wrong here.

Well that's why I said she should tell her to sleep in a hotel because she disturbed the children. I don't know why you think I'm condoning it?

Gosh.

What was she thinking!?

I would probably let it go now you've confronted her but she wouldn't be welcome back in my house again - to stay.

Your DH needs to understand that bringing a random man into the home of 2 small children, when their parents are asleep, is a massive massive safeguarding risk. What was to stop sil falling asleep and random man going and molesting your small children when you were asleep.

Your DH needs to wake up. SIL can’t stay anymore. Her behavior isn’t ok.

You were not wrong. She can do as she pleases in her own house but in yours she acted like a slapper and your kids could have seen/heard. She is cheap and nasty for doing that.

I appreciate the replies, as I said I’m not proud of my comment but I couldn’t stand there and accept what she was telling me. It was incredibly insulting. She even told me it was acceptable she was loud because she was drunk and she’s always more ‘vocal’ then and couldn’t help it. Just gross.

My in laws are on the scene but she doesn’t trouble them about her relationship woes anymore. Sadly DFIL has been very ill for a while now so they’ve got bigger worries, hence DH taking the brunt.

Its a shame, because her partner is actually a nice man and could do so much better than someone of her ‘class’.

Well done OP for standing up for your home and your family, there's no law that says you always have to deal with things calmly and politely. Just occasionally you have to peg it down from the moral high ground and lose your shit at someone.

Hook ups are one thing, loudly hooking up while plastered at gone 1 in the morning in your DB/SIL's house with their young children asleep upstairs on the very same night that you've supposedly ended your on off relationship yet again - well yes I'd think that qualifies you as a slapper. I'd have an equally low opinion of a man doing the same, disgusting behaviour whatever your sex.

Thank you. Sadly she wasn’t on the level below my DC, she was in the bedroom next to one of them. I am amazed they slept through.

Ewww - I’d be livid too, OP.

And the fact that she couldn’t go to his place would suggest that he is either married or in a relationship so both of them as bad as each other . OP you said absolutely nothing wrong please don’t allow any of this to be deflected back to you

Oh god calm down.

I cant believe you did not put a stop to it just because your husband told you not to. Surely your children should be your top priority. I would have been in there, the second I'd realised she'd brought a stranger into my home.

I TOTALLY agree.

@JessNic she is so disrespectful - of you, your children and your home. That is OUTRAGEOUS behaviour.

DD4 and DS6.

And the "man" in the house lets his sister come around with strangers to have sex?!

I would give him an ultimatum.

Honestly, single motherhood is so much chiller than these toxic people all over your life, house and children growing up in this environment.

They will grow up thinking this is the norm in life.

I'm glad you reached out to MN OP as you know this is not normal.

This does sound somewhat grim. I think apologise for the words you used but say obviously she will not be staying over again.

Oh god calm down.

No, you do. And follow the news about pedos in the news every day.

Not saying he is obviously but bringing strangers into your house with children there is a complete NO GO.

Those poor kids. Waking up with some weirdo stumbling around in their home/safe space.

She needs to get her shit together and rent her own place.