Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

I'd be livid and also ask her why she didn't go back to his place

I'd be livid and also ask her why she didn't go back to his place

Probably got a wife and kids there.....

What a disrespectful thing for her to do!

I hope your DH is the one washing the sheets.

So she's brought god knows who into your home with your young children - you called her an appropriate name and some people saying you're wrong?!

Of course YANBU - it's your home ffs

or he doesn’t want her to know where he lives.

She sounds a total liability!

I would have thrown her out immediately along with the random guy. Don’t let her stay again and don’t get involved in her toxic relationship although it sounds like she is the problem rather than her partner. Tell your DH to grow a pair too.

Minging.

YANBU.

She would never stay at my home again apology or not. Tell dh he can see her at her house or anywhere really but in your house. If he has a problem with that ask him to leave too. Disgusting, dangerous and unacceptable behaviour. Know your worth and draw a line.

Your husband is some loser to defend a possible strange man in the house with your children.
Completely unbelievable.
I cannot believe you stood for it yourself.
She is a cheeky fxxker and your husband is a wet lettuce.
She wouldn't be staying in my house again.
Who does that?
Bring a shag back to their brothers family home?
Hold on to that anger.

You are not unreasonable for being furious.
You were unreasonable to politely let them carry on and ignore it until morning though!

Have we not moved on from calling women things like "slapper"?

She was in the wrong completely to bring this person home. I agree with that much. And it would be better if she handled her ongoing relationship problems in other ways than repeatedly involving you and your family. I don't blame you for being really annoyed, OP.

Let's leave the casual misogyny out, though. It's every bit as bad as racism or any other prejudice, and it's very sad to see women calling other women such names, too.

Eek, fat fingers clicked wrong vote. Clearly YANBU at all! Gross behaviour by her.

I know it's sort of an internet rule that 'the OP is always wrong', but I cannot believe that people are getting uppity about the SIL getting called a 'fucking slapper' in these circumstances. No it's not a pleasant term but it's not wildly inaccurate here either is it?

Come on, those terms are gendered in one direction only, and we all know it. They are misogynistic.

Utterly disgraceful behaviour on her part. And your husband sounds like a wet dishcloth.

I haven’t heard the term “slapper” for over twenty years.

Trust me whatever the OP called her, I would have called her worse!
However, I wouldn't have waited until the next morning, I would have done it at the time I heard it happening.
I would have thrown them both out and the SIL would never darken my doorstep again.

Be proud of it!

She sounds like a complete tramp.

While that wouldn't be in my usual vocabulary, calling her names for bringing back a loud shag to the bedroom beside her nieces and nephews is low class behaviour, and the OP 100% gets a pass in my book.
SiL is a disgrace.

I would be apoplectic at my home being used as a shag pad while my children slept feet away.
I've never heard the like of it.

Disrespecting the home of your brothers family is entitlement on another level.

I would be furious at my husband shushing me in my home in these circumstances.

That is some seriously disrespectful shit right there. If I’d done that I’d have been physically thrown out with him before we’d even made it up the stairs.

Tell her next time shes not welcome & if she carries on you will tell her poor partner.

@ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey - YES!! 👏🏻👏🏻

I’m sorry, and I don’t use this word lightly, but she is a slut.

You have children FFS.

Do not let this unhinged specimen stay the night in your house again!!

Tell her to sort out her own relationship problems and leave you out of them.

Your husband sounds a wet lettuce. He’s not doing much to protect his family.