Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

YANBU. If she doesn't want to be called a fucking slapper, she shouldn't behave like a fucking slapper. <shrugs>

"DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her."
"DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word."
"DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears"
Is he always a wet lettuce, or only where his fucking slapper of a sister is concerned?

I hope you've made it perfectly clear to him that she does NOT get to stay at yours ever again?

I posted before I read your post, so thank you for putting it in less polite but rather more concise language!!

If you don’t want to be called a slapper…well, you know what to do!

Doesn't matter who he was to her.....a random or a chap from the gym. He was random to YOU and was in your house without your consent or (initially) knowledge. Imagine if he'd nipped to the loo and one of kids had woken up and seen a strange man on the landing in the middle of the night.

Nope. She doesn't get to stay again.

I don’t like that word and it’s a shame she used it, but there’s no way OP’s behaviour is even in the same ballpark as the SIL’s. Outrageous to try and turn it around to make OP out to be the bad guy. But if the OP does end up going nc, I imagine she’ll be better off for it in the long run.

If my DH lay cowering under the covers while there was clearly a strange man in our house (for any reason) I would be turned off him for the rest of my life.

YANBU. So incredibly disrespectful

If ever the term 'slapper' was appropriate, I'd say it'd be in these circumstances. Moaning obnoxiously loudly and putting on a show while having a drunken quickie with some casual shag in the next bedroom to her nieces/nephews? So desperate that she can't keep it in her pants for a single night? It's grotty, sleazy, and slutty, and the bloke is just as bad.
Nowt wrong with casual sex, but this is just dirty and disrespectful.

I'm shocked your husband didn't go tell her to shut up in the moment. What if your children had woken up in the middle of it? Ugh. I'd never have her darken my doorstep again, and I'd be deeply disappointed in my DH if he wasn't fully supportive of that.

why is she a slapper? Because she had sex?

cheated on her partner?

It’s because she cheated on her partner I think

Ah, of course. Cheat might be less misogynistic.

That is fucking grim. I would have wanted to drag her out by her hair knowing my kids were next door and I’m not even violent. She would never be staying over at my house again. Ever.

Nope - I stand by my post. Clearly the chances are that the bloke wouldn’t molest the kids. But what kind of halfwit takes that chance?

Do you think all the safeguarding stuff in schools is wrong as well?

You should apologise for calling her a slapper. That is not ok.
I don’t believe every man is a paedophile but you don’t bring a one night stand back to your brothers house and proceed to have loud sex when your niece/nephew are on the other side of the wall. Actually, I wouldn’t expect that from an established couple where it had been planned they stay over. It’s icky. And your sil lack of awareness and apology makes it doubly icky.

Also, if your DH can’t get on board and support you, and tell his sister she is grim, then I would lose respect for him too, potentially even in a relationship ending way. What hold has she got over him?!

OP has nothing to apologise for. SIL is lucky she didn’t get called worse. “Slapper” is not ideal phrasing but come on, her niece or nephew was right next door!

Actually this. Why isn’t your husband grossed out by his sister having loud sex with a one night stand within metres of his dc?

The SIL is a grown adult same as the OP I dont see why they need a man to get involved, the OP has a problem with her SIL why can they not deal with it themselves why does a man have to step in, are they not capable?

The word slapper should be consigned to the history books. That is completely separate from the disgusting way the sil behaved. Still no need to use that terminology- there are many other ways (non misogynistic ways) the op could have got her point across which she herself admits.

It wasn’t great to call her a slapper but I don’t think you should apologise. She owes you a bigger apology for taking advantage of you and your home. If you apologise she will think she is some kind of victim.

I think because she lacked the basic sexual self control to not have loud, drunken sex in her brother's house, in the room next door to young children, with a casual acquaintance she hauled back with her, who was booted out as soon as he'd done the deed.

It's not the sex that's the issue, it's the where and how.

Ewwww at your husband pretending he couldn’t hear his sister being rodgered in your house where his children are asleep 🤮

I’m guessing you called her a slag or something like that which isn’t okay IMO but certainly she would have been called selfish, stupid, reckless etc. I wouldn’t apologise to her personally and I would expect my husband to tell her she is not allowed to stay going forward. You’ll be doing her a favour by forcing her out of the ridiculous relationship she’s in anyway.

Edit: just seen it was slapper and guessed similar. It’s not really okay (because it’s misogynistic) but honestly what she did was way worse. She got off lightly if you ask me.

Well maybe they can deal with it themselves but would you be alright if your DH was not fussed about his sister having loud sex with a one night stand within metres of his dc? Why is he ok with it? Even if he wants to leave op to discuss it with sil why isn’t he backing her in principle?

The more I think about it, the more wild it is to me. There was a strange man in the house - in fact, not just in the house but in the room right next to his child and he told OP to be quiet and ignore it… like is he ok??