Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

The OP is totally in the right.
The SIL is the epitome of the word slapper (with a cherry on the top) well done OP for calling her what she is a SLAPPER.

I suppose degenerate, lewd, and licentious would've all worked well and been more 'gender neutral', but frankly, I don't think OP should be expected to pull out a thesaurus in the heat of the moment.

Why do we have to shame women for having casual sex at all? Men don't get shamed. It's not the fact that she had casual sex that's the issue - it's that she had it at OP's house!

That is a horribly gendered insult. Shame on you.

Thank you.

Blimey, this thread just goes to show that you scratch the surface and misogyny pops up still, even in 2025.

And men would get similarly shamed for these circumstances, although they would be putting kids less at risk by bringing back a strange woman than the sil is by bringing back a strange man. So in this situation the woman is more at fault than an equivalent man. I can’t really criticise the use of slapper, the op obviously means so desperate for sex you’ve brought a strange man in the house to have loud sex in the room next to my young children.

Why didn’t your DH say anything?! Of course it’s beyond rude to bring a stranger into your brother’s house where his children are sleeping and start having loud sex presumably in their living room? Gross! Really weird your DH didn’t say anything.

I'm not shaming her for having casual sex!

I'm shaming her for being degenerate, lewd, and licentious by having drunken, obnoxiously loud sex (casual or otherwise) in someone else's home, where children could have heard it.

Ok get the hyperbole out. Sure, pure madness 🙄

She could have had sex ina hotel room or the corner bench no fucks given.

The problem is she came back with a random man to have loud sex at ops house in a room next to children where she was an overnight guest.

Thats scummy, op I assume doesn’t live in a brothel.

I do judge men who stagger about a new women a night and I’d judge my brother or any man if he was my guest and came home with a one night shag as well. As I don’t run a brothel or whorehouse.

In my experience it can be useful in a tricky situation where there needs to be an ongoing future relationship to present oneself as the bigger person. But you do your non-violent dragging people by the hair thing, sure. 😅

the maximum i would say if i were OP would be "oh sorry, edit that to 'you are behaving like a slapper bringing randos back to roger mere hours after you walked out on your partner' my mistake"

and that would be it.

But i would have been making the original comment at the time i was telling her and her fuck buddy to sling their hook.

My DH (who would never have behaved like OP's DH) would be getting both barrels too (but again, at the first time he behaved like a twat, not the day after)

I don't always feel the need to have any kind of moral high ground when i am talking to someone potentially endangering my family and indulging in gutter behaviour.

it's not because he's a man, it's because it is his sister, and she is constantly taking advantage of him being a doormat. This really should be the line crossed to make him actually say something. They are his DC too, he should have been involved the minute she started shagging loudly next to them!

If the SIL took the random man back to a hotel she wouldn’t deserve name calling. The issue would only be between her and her husband. OP might not think well of her SIL, but ultimately, it wouldn’t be her business.

By bringing a stranger into the family’s home, SIL put them in danger. She also imposed her sex life on other people. OP is well within her rights to use whatever terminology she wants in anger.