Utterly furious with DSIL. A rant!

[JessNic]

DSIL is in a ridiculously on off relationship which is toxic and needs to finish for both of their sakes.

Increasingly regularly, after a huge row she will end up at our house and we will have to handhold her until she’s ready to return to face her partner. They usually then make up, have a good few days and the cycle repeats.

On Saturday, she called my DH in tears and said her relationships over and could she stay at ours for the night. No problem - I set up our spare room. Note that it is myself, DH, DD4 and DS6.

Saturday night, she told us she was going out with her friends and we gave her a key to let herself in, and she assured us she wouldn’t be late or loud.

Anyway, we were woken by her making a racket when entering the house at about 1.30am Sunday morning. We then heard her making ‘shush’ noises which was strange. It was then clear she wasn’t alone. DH told me to be quiet and pretend we hadn’t heard her.

No less than 10 minutes later, I heard her making loud, exaggerated moaning noises (it was obvious what was going on). DH pretended he couldn’t hear anything and told me not to say a word.

Not long after the door went again (whoever it was left), and we heard her walk back upstairs.

I was incandescent at this point, how dare she bring a stranger into our home where our DC were sleeping. It could have been anyone.

I confronted her in the morning, in my anger I regrettably used some unwise language and she was really defensive, said it’s someone who works at her gym so not a ‘random’ person. DH tried to diffuse things but it fell on deaf ears, anyway she has refused to apologise and has been acting the guilty party to DH for what I called her.

I stand by that she was massively unreasonable to bring a stranger into our family home. AIBU?

YANBU, I'd be livid too but your DH needs to step up, If your kids ask why Auntie Sharon was making such funny noises I'd be leaving him to come up with an explanation.

You say her "relationship" is on/off, so do they live together? If not and she has her own place why is she ending up at yours all the time, is it just for the "handhold".

What would happen if her "partner" found out about her cheating? Would he bin her off for good which might be for the best or might it be dangerous for her?

If they split up is there a chance of her ending up with you full time?

All things worth thinking about.

Ive actually battered on the bedroom door in this circumstance, and ordered them out. It is a level of disrespect I will not tolerate. I say this as a generally very easy going person.

And the misogynists are out.

Having sex with anyone; husband, boyfriend, hook up, stranger… doesn’t matter. Doesn’t make anyone a slapper or a slut or any other disgusting name used to put women down just for being sexual.

The way she did it, at someone else’s home with children there is what is wrong. The disrespect to OP’s home and family. That’s the problem. Not the actual act of having sec with a man, and she is not a slapper. Disgusting comment.

OP, she was entirely out of line. Entirely. And you are completely right to be enraged at her behaviour, but you didn’t need to turn into a misogynist to make your point. It’s disappointing.

And I hope you didn’t say “fucking slapper” anywhere your kids could hear it.

If you called her a slut - I would stand by your words. Her behaviour is disgusting and she has no respect for your home

Just saw the update - slapper is accurate and mild in the circumstances

The issue is she crossed a very clear boundary that anyone with a modicum of integrity would understand. I would have handed her her arse.

It's a slappery behaviour, completely justified statement. Let's not hide behind feminism.
I wouldn't like this behaviour from male or female guest

Your husband needs to have a talk with her.

She can't be bringing home strange randos into your home where your kids are. I don't care where she knows him from, you don't know him and strangers aren't welcome to stay overnight in your home. This is a big safety issue.

I think you need to stop the overnights completely. You're enabling her to decompress when she wants, then she goes back or worse, brings randos in at night for sex.

I widow have kicked them out when she brought them home. There’s no way I’d tolerate a random person in my house with my DCs there.

I wouldn't apologise to my SIL if she called me a "fucking slapper".

I would apologise to my brother for having sex in his house, with a near stranger, especially when there are small kids in the house and even tell him I understand why SUL was so upset.

No one gets to call me that and I wouldn't speak to you again.

I'm not the SIL, nor would I do what she did but you escalated it to the point of no return imo.

Christ stop clutching your pearls FFS.

Why the hell didn't you kick her out immediately? I'd have called her far worse. Tell her she's fucked it now because you're not letting her stay ever again and you're done listening to her crap about her so called relationship.

She’s using your home as a shag pad. She’s not broken hearted.

Do you think that she’s orchestrating break ups so that she can go out and have some fun?

You should have gone and banged on the door as soon as you realised someone else was with her and thrown them both out.
Your little boy could have woken up and heard!

Your husband is an absolute weirdo for telling you not to. So he just laid there listening to his sister making those noises with a random bloke? Strange family.

The op didn't escalate it to the point of no return. The SIL did by bringing a random man back to her house.

Bringing a casual acquaintance back to someone’s house where kids are sleeping is disgusting behaviour and getting worked up over being called a slapper for doing so seems to be classic deflection.

You were both very wrong.

It's misogynistic to call a woman a slapper.

She absolutely shouldn't have brought this man back to your house.

I don't think it matters which of you is most wrong. Either you'll have a family feud forever or one of you needs to make the first move towards an apology.

I would have had a lot worse to say to her! Maybe not the best way to deal with it but still. You have to protect your kids first and foremost which means not having her over to stay again.

Absolutely disgusting. I hope you used some choice words.

I'd have been out of bed as soon as I realised somebody I didn't know was in my house, asking them both to leave.
She is totally out of order, totally disrespectful.

Sorry, what is “slappery behaviour?”

I don’t actually think there is any such think a slapper/slut/whore behaviour.

There is disrespectful behaviour, to the OP and her home. There is dangerous and inappropriate behaviour, to the children in the home. There is rudeness, the way she acted in the morning by laughing.

But I’m not sure what makes a woman a slapper? I thought we were past that sort of abuse of women.

Same. That’s completely unacceptable, especially with young children in the house. Your DH really needs to get a grip.

Why did she not go back to her own house for a bonk?

Very presumptuous and disrespectful of your home and boundaries to do this and be unapologetic. Anyone would be mad as hell about this. I would have done the same as you OP and I wouldn't hold back either!

Using your house, in which you and your kids were asleep, for a shag. Classy.