Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

If you substitute any other kind of incapacitating drug for alcohol (“we’re all doing ketamine and I feel cross/uncomfortable that this person doesn’t want to”), can you not see how weird you’re being?

I can understand being slightly disappointed if someone who’s usually a fun drinker can’t or won’t join in, but to then say you don’t want them there at all because they’ve declined to get pissed is bizarre. I've never known that to be a condition of entry for anything! What the hell are you going to be doing that you’re so worried will be observed, judged and remembered?!

Sounds like youre a bit worried that you/dh are annoying twats when you've had a few. Fine when everyone is a drunken twat, not so fun when someone can recount your twattishness the next day...

If the issue is him not drinking, YABU.

If it's more that he's a mardy arse mood sponge, YANBU.

But they are different problems!

I'm not sure why it would bother you. I couldn't care less is someone was drinking or not. It wouldn't stop how I behaved or what I drank.

Do they have form for remembering and holding things against you? As this is the only reason I can think of it being an issue

When you say you ‘all’ intend to have a good drink…from your latest posts you mean just you and your DH. There’s only two of you drinking, not 20…so the silly party games will be just you and DH getting pissed and playing games? And this one relative not drinking. It does all sound a bit odd I must admit and it’s obvious you don’t want him there.

Why don’t you text him and make the situation glaring obvious ‘Hey Pete, are you ok to bring your alcohol free drinks? I’ll have lemonade, coke and tonic here but nothing specifically alcohol free. Looking forward to seeing you, Chris and I fully intend to get on the sauce after dinner, just to warn you!! Ha! Bring any board games! Promise we won’t play naked Twister until after you’ve gone!!

No, but if you say you don’t want people visiting you at Christmas if they’re not going to eat a shed load of sweets just to make you feel better because you want to, you’re an insecure and controlling twat.

Just as someone who gets huffy with people who don’t want to pour booze down their neck is a controlling twat.

We don’t drink. We went out with another couple who love their alcohol. She said afterwards that we weren’t too bad considering we didn’t drink.

People are just ridiculous.

You can have fun without getting slaughtered. YABU, with bells on.

No, you’re not actually. They aren’t a spectator, they’re a guest who isn’t drinking (perhaps they are on meds which they can’t mix and would rather not share?)

As other PP’s say - you likely have a thus far unacknowledged drink issue [or social anxiety etc] if you feel you have to get drunk at Christmas and can’t let your hair down any other way - and that anyone who doesn’t join in is sitting in judgment. I’d make a NY resolution to explore those issues with a therapist.

And I say that as someone who opens the port with FiL or splits the champagne with Dh and MiL by 10am on Christmas day. But our PiL’s are aging, one has Parkinson's, so not even sure FiL he’ll be allowed a tipple this year. Will I feel uncomfortable? No. Because I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with booze.

TBH, it doesn't sound like a drinking issue, it sounds like you have someone coming on Christmas Day who isn't aligned with how you want to celebrate Christmas and who you think is going to judge you.
My sister can be a bit like this, I remember her calling me once because she had counted out how many drinks her then boyfriend had had on a out - and the thing was he wasn't even a big drinker.

This is definitely a 'you' problem.

I applaud that person, as a non drinker myself. YABVU and ridiculous and judgmental to make assumptions that he will not be able to let his hair down without drink and will just be judging everyone

No, you’re being a bit of a turd. I don’t drink. I’d hate to think people thought I was a misery guts just because I said I wasn’t drinking at Christmas. I would bring my own drinks personally, but his telling you about the AF beer is probably his way of letting you down slowly because he knows this would be your reaction. We’ve had plenty of Christmases when one of us wasn’t drinking due to pregnancy, driving, illness.

I don’t drink anyway, but also have cancer and can’t drink. Maybe he is unwell and doesn’t want to be a debby downer right before Christmas. Have a bit of compassion.

That said, as someone who doesn’t drink, the only times I’ve encountered any pushback to me not drinking is from people who clearly are in denial about their own drinking problems, so something to bear in mind going into Dry January. Maybe you could do with a break too?

WTF?! I don't drink due to nearly dying of a hypo when I was a teenager and drunk (I am type 1 diabetic). It has literally NEVER crossed my mind that me not drinking would annoy someone!

You are being absolutely ridiculous

YA (Both) BU

The guest should bring at least some of their own drink, you should of course accommodate all needs but this could be with other nolo options

My in laws are like this. They’re not happy unless everyone is loud and drunk. Im not a massive drinker and get treated like I’m a party pooper. I hate going to their Xmas and find any excuse not to nowadays! They’re boring. One trick ponies.

this really riles me . . sorry OP, but what has someone not drinking got to do with you ? how will it ruin your fun ? how will it possibly impact you ?

I like a drink but lately I am not fussed by it and can take it or leave it and would expect my friends to accept this

Wow, I have friends who drink and friends who don’t. You’re ridiculous. I’ll be on call Christmas Day so won’t be drinking but I’ll have a fab time still. Your attitude is very outdated.

I have so many issues with this OP. My husband likes a drink but the last few years he has really tried to cut down for health reasons (physical and mental). He has done long periods of time not drinking and it has done wonders for his health, he's happier, gets up early for a run/walk, sleeps better etc. Every single time he goes out with friends or we have family over he is quizzed about why he's not drinking.. go on have a drink etc etc. It does my head in as he's trying so hard and people just don't understand why he wouldn't have a drink!! People need to mind their own business. Your friend could be an alcoholic for all you know. You're being absolutely ridiculous.

DH doesn't drink. That's his favourite also.

Apparently the Guiness 0.0 is almost identical in taste to regular Guiness.

Id get your dh to tell him not to come, none of you will enjoy yourselves or relax so there's no point, your dh can meet up with him separately, you clearly don't like him or want him in your house spoiling you and your dh day getting pissed and playing games. What does your dh think.

That’s why I don’t want him there.
I am entitled to get shitfaced at Christmas in my house if I want to and not want someone sat in the corner disapproving.

Tell him to put his phone away?!

It’s weird to me that you’re obsessing about him being a “spectator”. He’s literally be sitting there like everyone else but with a different drink in his hand!

What? Why does it matter to you whether one person is not drinking alcohol? It literally doesn't impact you in the slightest. I don't drink alcohol, but that doesn't have any impact on the other 9 people who I spent Christmas with that do drink...?! I don't think it's ever even been mentioned.

You are very judgemental of this - why does it bother you?

Or maybe they're just quiet?!
How does one "pointedly sip their water?!" 😂
To them, it's just their drink. They pick it up and take a sip.
They're not doing it pointedly, to draw attention to themselves or whatever.
That's your issue, putting your drinking hang ups onto other people
Seriously WTF lol