Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

I am not drinking as I’m very, very unwell. I’m on a huge cocktail of drugs which may make me live a long life and make me better, may not. I have not told the majority of people or even family, as is my choice.

And even if there’s nothing more to it than they simply just don’t want to; it’s non of your business to want to make them drink.

YABVU.

Crazy I know, but people can join in even if they’re not drinking!!!

Please ignore all the comments saying you and your partner have a drink problem. MNers seems to need smelling salts if someone has more than two sherries on a Friday night.
It absolutely does alter the dynamic, and you are allowed to want the Christmas you want. Hopefully your friend will be bored enough to leave early and you can really let your hair down 🥂

Irrelevant. You are made uncomfortable about a guest in the house because they are not getting shitfaced. I’m not surprised he looks pissed off: he’s probably mortified by your behaviour.

I wouldn’t see this as an issue at all, would you all be drinking to the extent that behaviours change and things might happen that normally wouldn’t and if everyone is drunk, it doesn’t somehow matter as much?

YABU for only being able to have fun and enjoy yourself after drinking alcohol and being surrounded by others also drinking alcohol. Many people can't or don't want to drink and still enjoy themselves the same.

I think it's strange to fixate on the drinking habits of someone else. I would hate to be judged for not drinking by someone, it's just personal choice.

Would you be the same if someone was a designated driver?

No one needs to justify not drinking.

What makes you think they can't also join in whatever fun is going on, just because they aren't drinking? You're describing someone sitting retiring in a corner, solemnly watching your every move and thinking badly of you.

All you've done is make a heap of assumptions.

If you're hosting at Christmas, be a good host to your guests. This is not it.

If you and your DH drink to the extent you make a spectacle then perhaps you do have a drink problem.

No Op & her husband are binge drinkers. That is a drink problem.

Then ignore him and let him be.

And?

A spectator? Sober people can have fun too y’know!!

Not drinking =/= being a spectator. And frankly, it is a good thing if people aren’t all drinking. YABVVU.

Yeah..people who don't have drink problems don't need to worry about that.

Only people with drink problems worry about not being able to 'relax' around a sober person or think it's a waste of time and money to buy nonalcoholic drinks.

You worry about them judging you because you and DH want to get shit-faced and do things that drunk people do and deep down you know it's unhealthy and a sign of your problematic drinking and so he's killing your vibe.

Non-problematic drinkers wouldn’t see it as an issue.

Just to defend the OP a little bit, it really depends what sort of person they are. Some people don’t drink and still participate and contribute and enjoy themselves and everyone still has a laugh. Other people pointedly sip their water, sit reservedly, don’t participate properly, and are frankly a bit of a fun sponge.

So it kinds of depends which one they are really!

You’re equating drinking with your own personal symbolism, experience and thoughts -
drink only at parties or holiday = really relax your rules around drinking, get drunk, relax inhibitions, laugh more, more fun, no constraints, freedom
This isn’t everyone’s experience around drinking and not everyone wants that.

What a load of tosh. So if you munch your way through a tub of Cadbury heroes on Christmas night you have an eating disorder? Give me strength!

So he's also your family as well? An in-law

No, it wouldn't bother me at all.

I am usually THAT person. I don't care much for alcohol and I'm usually the driver anyway. So of course I'm not going to drink.

It's entirely normal to go to a party, in my life anyway, and the majority of people are not having alcohol, in fact quite often if I'm out for a meal with family and friends it's diet coke all around, even the people not driving.

Absolutely this. Nobody likes a fun sponge.

You are being unbelievably, incredibly unreasonable @wakinginthenight

I enjoy a drink and have no problem being around people who don't drink. My non drinking friends aren't fun sponges though.

I don't know why he can't bring his own alcohol free drinks, but if I was him and knew how you felt I would decline the invitation.

It's not so much about the quantity of what they're drinking that sounds a problem, but the feeling judged/ wanting everyone else to join in and drink alcohol to make themselves feel better about their choices.
That the OP "can't relax" unless everyone is drinking exactly what she wants them to.
I like a drink myself but feel sorry for this poor sod who has been invited along 😬

I would suggest that if you only like a person when they're drunk, you probably don't like them enough to invite them for Christmas day? Perhaps one for the op to consider in future