Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

Not at all, why should it? Nobody needs alcohol to have a good time.
Most people will have a couple of drinks.

Can they not get involved unless they’re drinking? It sounds like there will be games etc - or is drinking the main event? I’m just wondering what would make them spectator as opposed to participant.

I do think this is really unreasonable - lots of people don’t drink these days, or have reduced their drinking. Would you feel uncomfortable about someone not drinking because they were pregnant or for medical reasons? Can nobody come to your celebrations and be a designated driver? I would perhaps be unwelcome as your guest as I’m breastfeeding, so can’t really drink. There are so many scenarios in which a person might not drink, including just not wanting to.

Is there something else you dislike about this person which is really driving your feelings about this (as I’m genuinely stumped as to why this would be an issue otherwise)?

Sounds like you have a drink problem. nothing worse than a drunk who needs everybody else pissed to dilute their own behaviour. What a bore you must be.

This

My father not long ago died. So I’d not be drinking just because drinking makes you depressed and I wouldn’t want sxtra

so you Wouldnt have me there because my father died???

You can do what you want, its your house and you are indeed entitled. Very entitled. But its still shit behaviour and you still have a drink problem. And you will lose friends and family if you don’t wake up to it.

I think you’re being outrageously unreasonable. What does it matter to you if one of your guests doesn’t want to drink? Are you worried that he will judge everyone else when you’re all pissed and making idiots of yourselves?

I think your problem is more that he's a grump and a third wheel.

You don’t need alcohol to have a good time.

Getting 'shitfaced' as you call it is most unpleasant. Having a couple of drinks to relax is fine but being uppity because someone doesn't want to drink is nasty.
You sound quite vulgar.

Even the people drinking will likely remember most if not all of the day so why does it matter?

Lol. I now have an image in my head of someone pointedly sipping water! 😂😂

This is such a drip feed.

OP, the alcohol thing is irrelevant. Your problem is basically that your only guest is a man you loathe.

He'll be fine, why should it bother you?

Actually this is the problem...he's not good company. My husband drinks a lot less than me and is quite happy to chat and have a good time with out alcohol. He wouldn't judge people who are drinking and would quite happily watch people having a few glasses of wine and still enjoy himself.

No, it wouldn't, and didn't. My uncle was an extremely active alcoholic, until he pranged one too many cars (actually he drove it off the bloody bridge into the Mangles river, it's a miracle he lived, and it was a bloody gorgeous classic convertible car too), then he went into rehab and never dropped a touch thereafter. My family were/are a bunch of bloody booze artists, and he never judged, all he wanted was his coffee and a ciggy, a nice chat and to get out of there when he wanted.

Your paranoia that you are going to be judged, things are going to be 'remembered' is very much a you problem.

I say that as being one of the booze artists, and now the recovering alcohol addict - I don't care about my friends and family boozing, don't care what they do or say (been there, done that, I've got nothing to crow about!), and just want them to respect my choice not to drink. The only one I'll judge is the arsehole who tries to make me not drinking a problem.

The very fact you have asked this question suggests that you have a drinking problem.

Extremely weird opinion on your part but you're entitled to it.

Simple solution. Uninvite them. They may not want to be around a bunch of drunk people anyway.

Would you feel the same if someone couldn't drink due to medication, pregnancy or someone trying to stay clean?

It's so sad that you're unable to have fun around someone not using alcohol as a crutch to have fun.

Then tell him he'd best not come as you intend to get absolutely shitfaced and he'd be really bored.

Absolutely unreasonable of you.
Imagine being that person who actually would rather someone doesn't come, than not drink.....
Are you aware of how ridiculous you sound?

If said person was pregnant and not drinking for that reason, would you also want them not to come or prefer them to put their babies life at risk by getting hammered, juet to appease you?

There's some ground between 'a few drinks' and 'shitfaced' anyway.

Agreed.

Why does someone deciding they don't feel like drinking automatically equal 'just sitting there' 'being disapproving' 'spectating' 'watching you'.

Absolutely insane.

From this it sounds like you are just going to be drinking silently in front of him, not engaging him in conversation, not doing anything else?

How do your normal non-boozy social interactions go - surely they're not all like this?

Wow. I don’t drink. I can’t imagine having friends / family who would insist I drink in order to be welcome in their home.

He’d rather he didn’t come but he’s invited himself now so he won’t say anything but he’s not happy about it either because it does change the dynamics because he’s there and he does have a tendency to get offended by everything so I don’t want to have to be careful what I say all day when I want to chill out and not be responsible for a day.
When he does have a drink he lightens up and doesn’t act all disapproving but just him sitting there only looking up from his phone to raise an eyebrow or shake his head is horrible when your an adult.