Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

Ah. I've found that information now, it was a long way down the thread. It didn't sound like as if he was that close a relative from the earlier posts. But being close family, there could be an option of telling him to lighten up if he frowns disapprovingly, and also asking him to bring his own non alcoholic beer. Sounds like a difficult relationship overall, not just about Christmas .

I guess many children correctly assume that they have a standing invitation for Christmas. But come to think of it, I would never have assumed I could turn up at my parent's house without asking first, by mid-twenties.

This is just beyond weird!

But...but...this is exactly what the OP said? That she wants to drink without judgement? The more she posted the more it came out that she dislike the son. Not because he ever did anything, but because he is sitting on his phone, pulling faces, cringing etc. This is what she said. So of course it was answered accordingly. She also said after the kids will be there. So people asked why you want to get to the poknt of not remembering with kids in your care? This is a fact as well, not made up. She then said I only want to get tipsy but getting tipsy should not cause embarassment so she wouldn't ask the question in the first place if this was true. This is in contradiction to her OP. Her question was wether she is unreasonable to not want someone not drinking at the Chtistmas party or lunch or games whatever. And people said very unreasonable, people have the right not to drink. But i don't want to buy him alcohol free beer. But he will remember everything. But actually is my husband's son. But actually we didn't invite him. But actually is just us with the kids. But actually I like my family. But he just sits there pulling faces. But my husband doesen't want him there either. This is all OP, not us. We said you are unreasonable and she kept dripfeeding bits of information while backpaddling at the same time. I say and many other pisters did she has a problem with alcohol if she feels embarassed over someone sober being there. Which is a fact. Nothing was an attack but a harsh wake up call. Is not right to want to get pissed and be embarassed by an adult sober son. Anyone should feel pride over son not drinking. Is crazy that you feel the need to defend someone who finds a problem in sobriety, absolutely mindblowing. You go ahead though, it might make you feel better being seen as the knight in the shining armour but you are not helping the OP, quite the opposite.

If he was my son I would be disappointed. He isn't bringing a gift or food he's going with dry hands. He's 25 he should know better. No wonder they are dreading his visit. He's only there to get fed and drink alcohol free beer that he hasn't paid for. If he was my son his ears would be ringing by the time I'm done with him.

The OPs question wasn’t “based on your judgment of my situation please tell me if I’m an alcoholic”. The question was more “I know you’ll say I’m being unreasonable on here but I actually just need a place to vent as this is what I’m annoyed about. And am I really being over the top here?”

Even before the nastiness started pretty much everyone turned on her and called her an alcoholic. There’s absolutely nothing in her OP to suggest she’s an alcoholic and doesn’t deserve to enjoy her Christmas judgment free in her own home. Nothing.

You all turned on me in the same way for pointing out the god awful way you’ve treated this woman. I’ve already shared an example. But I’ll share a few more, in case it helps you to reflect. Even if this OP was a rage bait fake post to stir the pot. The way you’ve all responded is just embarrassing. And shameful.

Honestly so many people think like this but just don't admit it. My poor husband became teetotal about 8 years ago and tbh his social life and our shared invitations to bbqs etc just fell off a cliff. In Australia most people just drink so much. Couples dinners where he was drinking a lemonade just weren't appreciated by others and the men especially made him feel weird.

Here are some more: (yet, you say that I’m the bully)

“So clearly your unable to control your mouth when your pissed, your coming across as one of those undesirables piss heads that always want a arugement or insult others and then blame the drink. Wonder if you’ll end up fighting too for the full bingo.”

“You disgust me. Presumably some of these friends will be driving home? Make sure they all have 'one for the road' then, so YOU don't feel bad. Jesus.”

“What the hell have I just read?! You are a vile person.”

“So you’re incredibly tight as well as being a piss artist”

“Planning to get so shitfaced you don’t remember would suggest you have a serious issue with drink”

“You sound very very weird”

”I suspect Your one of those people that when they do drink they go hard. Very hard. You may not think thats an issue but it is. I don’t drink, if that means i then wasn’t invited to your gathering then I would be grateful.”

“Middle aged people getting piased is totally embarrassing”

“Wtf. You want to get shitfaced with your step son. Woah - this is just fucking weird.”

”I can’t stand people like you. So what if they don’t want to drink, you know this reaction speaks volumes about you, and possible that you’re embraced about how you act and drink.”

“You're making enough of a fool of yourself here, so I can't imagine what you're like after a drink.”

So the OP either does or doesn't need everyone around them to drink alcohol?

Its everyones business when they plan to get shit faced despite having two young children in the house, its even worse when you consider that OP doesn’t want anyone to remember what happened in the house. Poor kids being subjected to extremely drunk parents on christmas day.

Everyone being? Everyone ever? Everyone in her life? Everyone at every single event she goes to?

How can we possibly even be close to knowing that from this post?

Please. You’re clutching.

It’s clear from the thread that she isn’t planning to get shit faced. She was quoting what someone else accused her of saying.

And if you read the thread she never said she doesn’t want everyone to remember did she. She was concerned that the son, who normally drinks, would comb through the evening after being sober and pick up on any embarrassing fun that they have. And judge.

No idea I don't need everyone around me to drink so I have no idea what the OP is thinking

From her very first post “sit there and remember everything”

From the maybe third, she seems to think her entitlement to get shit faced comes before the childrens welfare.
“I am entitled to get shitfaced at Christmas in my house if I want to and not want someone sat in the corner disapproving.“

We have alcohol at Christmas including a glass off fizz with breakfast which feels indulgent. But drinking to get drunk is not the main event, drinks are very spaced apart.

I can't say I ever notice who is or isn't drinking. Many years that has been me due to driving , pregnancy breastfeeding etc. Christmas always feels the same, fun opening gifts, nice meal, games and then an evening slump from overeating.

It's never about the drinking. Surely you are confused with NYE? Who's cooking Christmas dinner if you are all going to be drunk enough that one sober person will be out of place? Sounds like a shit Christmas to me.

Ridiculous

Yeah, the sober person sit and pick on everything the person drinking says and does. It sounds from what she says that it’s in his nature to do that.

and she was quoting someone else and making a point. read it instead as:
“ and so what if I did want to get shitfaced (as someone has called it) in my own home at Christmas”

She’s not saying that’s what she planned to do while in the care of her kids . She’s pointing out that it’s her home and she doesn’t want to be judged by someone who normally drinks but is opting not to, and who happens to be a drain already.

Maya think about why someone not drinking makes you feel so judged? This is entirely your own issue op.

Exactly. And neither does anyone else here.

Absolutely 🙏🏻

Why did you ask then, if you're so sure you're entitled to feel that way? Why on earth would not drinking make someone a 'spectator'? What a weird, dysfunctional attitude.

@BestintheWest

I will fully admit that I laid into the OP. I was nasty in a way I usually try not to be. She raised my hackles.

I found her morally reprehensible and was shocked anyone would behave like that. Trying to push out her husband’s son from Christmas was bad enough. Doing so because she wanted not to be judged for over drinking was worse, particularly when she was looking after small children. But the sneaky, dishonest drip-feeding on her own motives was pathetic.

I apologise if I went overboard on tone in some of the posts: some people did post some strong opinions but I stand by my position on her behaviour. If I knew the OP in real life I wouldn’t want anything to do with her and in fact I would tell her stepson to avoid both of them.

How rude! I've never drank as don't like the taste (nor does aunt) but thankfully my family don't want to wish me away! Partner also doesn't drink from historical dependence so v glad have family that don't feel we spoil their fun!