Page 33 | Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

wakinginthenight · 2025-12-15T09:28:08+00:00

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves. We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking. He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion. I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching. I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 16/12/2025 06:40

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:23

DH is fuming but what can he say?
He’s told us he’s coming so he’s coming, not much we can do about it but it’s blown our plans apart because we don’t need him sitting there with his eyebrows raised.
He won’t go until late so it’s just what it is now.

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What a disgusting attitude. To be fuming that his own son is coming because it makes him feel uncomfortable to be drinking. If that’s not having a drink problem I don’t know what is. You don’t have to drink everyday for it to be a problem.

Elektra1 · 16/12/2025 06:48

I think it’s great that plenty of young people don’t drink much. As a nation we have a massive problem with alcohol. I think your issue sounds like not so much a dislike of him not drinking, more a dislike of him, which is unfortunate as he’s your DSS but does seem fairly common on MN. Maybe you could work on trying to find some common ground with him, without alcohol to “loosen you up”?

cocobanana922 · 16/12/2025 06:59

Why on earth would his own dad be "fuming" hes coming for Christmas?

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 07:01

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 05:58

Yeah, the sober person sit and pick on everything the person drinking says and does. It sounds from what she says that it’s in his nature to do that.

and she was quoting someone else and making a point. read it instead as:
“ and so what if I did want to get shitfaced (as someone has called it) in my own home at Christmas”

She’s not saying that’s what she planned to do while in the care of her kids . She’s pointing out that it’s her home and she doesn’t want to be judged by someone who normally drinks but is opting not to, and who happens to be a drain already.

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I don’t know where you’ve got the idea that she doesn’t plan to get drunk. In her OP she said she planned “to have a good amount of drink” and later, commenting on how much it takes for her to get drunk, she said “I don’t need much at all” - she was quite clear that she knows her limits and plans to exceed them. Why would it matter that “we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching” if there’s nothing happening for a sober person to ‘watch’? “Shitfaced” wasn’t her original phrasing, but it’s surprising she didn’t argue that she’s not intending to get “shitfaced” if the poster she was quoting was misrepresenting her, rather than saying she’s “entitled to get shitfaced”. Taken alongside her stated plans to have a “good amount” when she knows she has a low tolerance for alcohol, it paints a pretty clear picture of someone planning to get drunk.

I’m also not sure where you got your ideas about what’s in her stepson’s nature or him consistently being “a drain”. OP said he’s “always calling in and has a meal and we get along fine”, so it doesn’t sound like they usually have a particularly fraught relationship. As he’s “quite partial to a few drinks so he only gets cringy when he’s not and we are” I’m curious about the situations when he chooses not to drink, and why he seems to disapprove in some cases but not others. It’s clearly not an issue for him all the time, so there’s something about OP drinking on this specific occasion, and others when he’s chosen to remain sober, that bothers him.

RampantIvy · 16/12/2025 07:24

@ByWisePanda I have never come across the expression "with dry hands".
Does it mean turning up empty handed?

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 07:30

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 07:01

I don’t know where you’ve got the idea that she doesn’t plan to get drunk. In her OP she said she planned “to have a good amount of drink” and later, commenting on how much it takes for her to get drunk, she said “I don’t need much at all” - she was quite clear that she knows her limits and plans to exceed them. Why would it matter that “we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching” if there’s nothing happening for a sober person to ‘watch’? “Shitfaced” wasn’t her original phrasing, but it’s surprising she didn’t argue that she’s not intending to get “shitfaced” if the poster she was quoting was misrepresenting her, rather than saying she’s “entitled to get shitfaced”. Taken alongside her stated plans to have a “good amount” when she knows she has a low tolerance for alcohol, it paints a pretty clear picture of someone planning to get drunk.

I’m also not sure where you got your ideas about what’s in her stepson’s nature or him consistently being “a drain”. OP said he’s “always calling in and has a meal and we get along fine”, so it doesn’t sound like they usually have a particularly fraught relationship. As he’s “quite partial to a few drinks so he only gets cringy when he’s not and we are” I’m curious about the situations when he chooses not to drink, and why he seems to disapprove in some cases but not others. It’s clearly not an issue for him all the time, so there’s something about OP drinking on this specific occasion, and others when he’s chosen to remain sober, that bothers him.

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Again, you’re filling a lot of gaps with your own assumptions based on your judgment. You’re quoting words but omitting the context.

I get it, you’re trying to defend your reaction. She literally said, and I’ll quote below, that she doesn’t plan to get drunk. She implied that the son is a drain:

“We don’t want to host. We are staying home this year and just having a few drinks ourselves”

“He gets offended very easily so you always have to be careful what you say about him”

“I never said we wanted to get completely drunk and become alcoholics”

TheBlueHedgehog · 16/12/2025 07:50

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 07:30

Again, you’re filling a lot of gaps with your own assumptions based on your judgment. You’re quoting words but omitting the context.

I get it, you’re trying to defend your reaction. She literally said, and I’ll quote below, that she doesn’t plan to get drunk. She implied that the son is a drain:

“We don’t want to host. We are staying home this year and just having a few drinks ourselves”

“He gets offended very easily so you always have to be careful what you say about him”

“I never said we wanted to get completely drunk and become alcoholics”

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I don't think OP helped herself in her OP:

we all intend to have a good amount of drink

I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.

I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything

Most people would read into this that she is planning to get drunk and behave in a way that could be considered embarrassing. She's since watered it down but there's been a lot of drip feeding so it's hard to know what to believe.

I haven't laid into OP but I don't think her communication style has helped her at all here. Her actual issue bears little resemblance to her OP and she'd be better deleting and reposting with the real issue IMO.

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 07:56

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2025 06:32

@BestintheWest

I will fully admit that I laid into the OP. I was nasty in a way I usually try not to be. She raised my hackles.

I found her morally reprehensible and was shocked anyone would behave like that. Trying to push out her husband’s son from Christmas was bad enough. Doing so because she wanted not to be judged for over drinking was worse, particularly when she was looking after small children. But the sneaky, dishonest drip-feeding on her own motives was pathetic.

I apologise if I went overboard on tone in some of the posts: some people did post some strong opinions but I stand by my position on her behaviour. If I knew the OP in real life I wouldn’t want anything to do with her and in fact I would tell her stepson to avoid both of them.

I get it. And when I called you all c*s, I honestly thought I was communicating on your level judging by the tone of most of the comments and the vile way many of you responded. It’s clear there are some intelligent people here, which makes it even more surprising that so many chose to attack without knowing the full story, filling in the gaps with their own assumptions.

“Trying to push out her husband’s son from Christmas was bad enough.”
(That’s your assumption based on your judgment of what she wrote. I didn’t get that at all)

“Doing so because she wanted not to be judged for over drinking”
(She didn’t want to be judged for any daft fun they allowed themselves to have when having a drink. She never said she didn’t want to be judged for over drinking)

“particularly when she was looking after small children.”
(It says nowhere that she planned to get drunk while looking after her children)

“sneaky, dishonest drip-feeding on her own motives was pathetic.”
(I don’t see her as being sneaky, dishonest or pathetic. I see her trying to offer more in her defense)

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 08:05

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 07:30

Again, you’re filling a lot of gaps with your own assumptions based on your judgment. You’re quoting words but omitting the context.

I get it, you’re trying to defend your reaction. She literally said, and I’ll quote below, that she doesn’t plan to get drunk. She implied that the son is a drain:

“We don’t want to host. We are staying home this year and just having a few drinks ourselves”

“He gets offended very easily so you always have to be careful what you say about him”

“I never said we wanted to get completely drunk and become alcoholics”

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Are you not at all curious about what makes this young man uncomfortable about OP drinking in some situations but not others?

I based my opinion on OPs own (often contradictory) posts, taking into account that stories tend to shift as people become defensive and want to change how they’re presenting themselves. If OP somehow managed to word all of her earlier posts on this thread so badly that she gave almost 2400 people the wrong idea, she’d probably do well to start a new thread and try again.

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 08:08

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 08:05

Are you not at all curious about what makes this young man uncomfortable about OP drinking in some situations but not others?

I based my opinion on OPs own (often contradictory) posts, taking into account that stories tend to shift as people become defensive and want to change how they’re presenting themselves. If OP somehow managed to word all of her earlier posts on this thread so badly that she gave almost 2400 people the wrong idea, she’d probably do well to start a new thread and try again.

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So if you met her in person and she wasn’t able to articulate her thoughts clearly, as she hasn’t in written form, would you attack her face to face or would you have a level conversation to ask more questions and learn more about where’s she’s coming from and what she really means?

Acommonreader · 16/12/2025 08:10

I used to drink too much and now drink rarely. I totally understand your point and I’m afraid that you are being so unreasonable!
Please take a serious look at your drinking habits. I did not drink every day but got smashed at occasions. I thought non drinkers were boring and could not contemplate a party without getting really drunk.
I am now the non drinker at parties and most my friends are moderate drinkers too., we have a great time! I absolutely cringe at my old antics.
If you are wary of ‘spectators’ you know you are embarrassing yourself.

LilyBunch25 · 16/12/2025 08:12

What?! This can't be a genuine concern surely. What if it was someone who couldn't drink for medical reasons? And it doesn't matter why, anyway. How completely weird.

MarbleDrive · 16/12/2025 08:12

You’re conflating 2 issues.

No-one wants a boring guest who doesn’t contribute to the fun. This is nothing to do with not drinking.

ThatLostSock · 16/12/2025 08:14

You've not read the thread have you. This isn't really about alcohol but the OP not wanting her stepson at her house on Xmas day.

Xkk · 16/12/2025 08:20

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 01:05

If he was my son I would be disappointed. He isn't bringing a gift or food he's going with dry hands. He's 25 he should know better. No wonder they are dreading his visit. He's only there to get fed and drink alcohol free beer that he hasn't paid for. If he was my son his ears would be ringing by the time I'm done with him.

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Hiz ears would be ringing for asking an alcohol free beer???? So you'd rather he drink and get pised. Got you! God help any child who would like their parents company at Christmas, unless they come with something and join in drinking! Keep it up!

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2025 08:24

@BestintheWest

I get it. And when I called you all c*s, I honestly thought I was communicating on your level judging by the tone of most of the comments and the vile way many of you responded. It’s clear there are some intelligent people here, which makes it even more surprising that so many chose to attack without knowing the full story, filling in the gaps with their own assumptions.

I do accept that the way some of us reacted was intemperate and inflammatory. I apologise for that.

But I really don’t accept your view that people were “filling in the gaps”.

The OP made it extremely clear in multiple posts that she resented her husband’s son spending Christmas with them. She suggests he gives them attitude over their drinking. Its impossible for anyone on here to know whether the son was sanctimonious or whether he had cause to be upset or embarrassed by his parents’ drunken behaviour. Possibly a bit of both. It seems quite plausible, given that the husband is “fuming” about having to spend time with his child at Christmas, that the relationship has deteriorated quite significantly and there is irritation on both sides. But there was no reading between the lines needed. The animosity was unambiguous.

But for me ultimately the bottom line is when you marry someone with children you don’t try to push them out of the way for your own convenience, certainly not just because you want to drink more than the family member deems acceptable. Thats an absolute red line for me. It doesn’t really matter whose perception of “too much” is unreasonable. Deliberately disregarding the feelings of your spouse’s child in this way is poor, selfish behaviour.

heymamame · 16/12/2025 08:33

WonderingWanda · 16/12/2025 05:49

We have alcohol at Christmas including a glass off fizz with breakfast which feels indulgent. But drinking to get drunk is not the main event, drinks are very spaced apart.

I can't say I ever notice who is or isn't drinking. Many years that has been me due to driving , pregnancy breastfeeding etc. Christmas always feels the same, fun opening gifts, nice meal, games and then an evening slump from overeating.

It's never about the drinking. Surely you are confused with NYE? Who's cooking Christmas dinner if you are all going to be drunk enough that one sober person will be out of place? Sounds like a shit Christmas to me.

They weren’t going to have dinner when they planned on drinking, she said she was doing a finger buffet at the kids request but the step son didn’t approve so now she’s reluctantly cooking a roast to please him instead. She then said as well as not drinking so it really does sound like this man attending has changed the course of the day.
Wether that means he shouldn’t come or not I couldn’t say but he does sound rather dominating.

takealettermsjones · 16/12/2025 08:33

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 07:56

I get it. And when I called you all c*s, I honestly thought I was communicating on your level judging by the tone of most of the comments and the vile way many of you responded. It’s clear there are some intelligent people here, which makes it even more surprising that so many chose to attack without knowing the full story, filling in the gaps with their own assumptions.

“Trying to push out her husband’s son from Christmas was bad enough.”
(That’s your assumption based on your judgment of what she wrote. I didn’t get that at all)

“Doing so because she wanted not to be judged for over drinking”
(She didn’t want to be judged for any daft fun they allowed themselves to have when having a drink. She never said she didn’t want to be judged for over drinking)

“particularly when she was looking after small children.”
(It says nowhere that she planned to get drunk while looking after her children)

“sneaky, dishonest drip-feeding on her own motives was pathetic.”
(I don’t see her as being sneaky, dishonest or pathetic. I see her trying to offer more in her defense)

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It doesn't really matter how much anyone tries to dress it up with euphemisms like "a good amount of drink" or "really rather tipsy" or whatever... Most of us can read between the lines and understand the intention was to get drunk. I'm not saying she intended to be passing out or whatever but drunk, yeah, absolutely. It isn't a reach or filling in gaps.

I did not attack the OP, btw. I didn't swear or call names. But I did and still do think her attitude to her stepson is unkind. I stand by my view that most adults in this position would think Oh lovely, DSS will be with us for Christmas! Our games will have another person 🥰 OR Oh lovely, DSS will be with us for Christmas! Hmm, I don't fancy drinking if not everyone else is so I guess we'll just have a drink on boxing day instead! 🥰 It's the sheer inhospitality towards her stepson that is BU for me. Whether she has a drink problem or not is a different issue.

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2025 08:39

@takealettermsjones

I did not attack the OP, btw. I didn't swear or call names. But I did and still do think her attitude to her stepson is unkind. I stand by my view that most adults in this position would think Oh lovely, DSS will be with us for Christmas! Our games will have another person 🥰 OR Oh lovely, DSS will be with us for Christmas! Hmm, I don't fancy drinking if not everyone else is so I guess we'll just have a drink on boxing day instead! 🥰 It's the sheer inhospitality towards her stepson that is BU for me.

Exactly. Its the grudging attitude, the resentment that he is coming over, the reluctance to switch some money she id already committed to spending from alcoholic to non alcoholic drinks. The questioning of his motives and the suggestion that he’s a fun sponge because he doesn’t like getting drunk.

Its unkind, uncharitable and completely at odds with the behaviour expected from a person in a parental role.

HangingOver · 16/12/2025 08:40

I used to feel personally slightly when a person in a group weren't drinking. It was 100% my problem. I'm now in recovery 😂

ReindeerCake · 16/12/2025 08:46

Xkk · 16/12/2025 08:20

Hiz ears would be ringing for asking an alcohol free beer???? So you'd rather he drink and get pised. Got you! God help any child who would like their parents company at Christmas, unless they come with something and join in drinking! Keep it up!

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The typical MN parent probably. As soon as a child turns 18, kick them out and never do anything nice for them again!

I would always check my kids have plans for Xmas. I would hope they would contribute something if working. But the default is that they are welcome!

And they don’t need to drink alcohol to be welcome. It’s one of the oddest things I have ever seen here.

1apenny2apenny · 16/12/2025 08:49

It wouldn’t bother me at all but I would expect him t bring his own alcohol free drinks. I would supply soft drinks obvs.

ReindeerCake · 16/12/2025 08:52

takealettermsjones · 16/12/2025 08:33

It doesn't really matter how much anyone tries to dress it up with euphemisms like "a good amount of drink" or "really rather tipsy" or whatever... Most of us can read between the lines and understand the intention was to get drunk. I'm not saying she intended to be passing out or whatever but drunk, yeah, absolutely. It isn't a reach or filling in gaps.

I did not attack the OP, btw. I didn't swear or call names. But I did and still do think her attitude to her stepson is unkind. I stand by my view that most adults in this position would think Oh lovely, DSS will be with us for Christmas! Our games will have another person 🥰 OR Oh lovely, DSS will be with us for Christmas! Hmm, I don't fancy drinking if not everyone else is so I guess we'll just have a drink on boxing day instead! 🥰 It's the sheer inhospitality towards her stepson that is BU for me. Whether she has a drink problem or not is a different issue.

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I maintain that if both parents’ goal is to drink a ‘good amount’ and get ‘tipsy’, they shouldn’t be looking after young kids. It is their Christmas too and they deserve parents who are functioning well and not acting in an embarrassing or strange way.

When my kids were little, they found it unsettling to see adults they knew well, drunk. Not all children are comfortable with seeing their own parents under the influence of alcohol.

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 08:54

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 08:08

So if you met her in person and she wasn’t able to articulate her thoughts clearly, as she hasn’t in written form, would you attack her face to face or would you have a level conversation to ask more questions and learn more about where’s she’s coming from and what she really means?

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In the post you’re responding to I said I was curious about how the situations when OPs stepson is uncomfortable with her drinking differ from the times when he has no problem with it. What was it about this that led you to form the opinion that I wouldn’t want to find out more? (Are you curious about this, or have you made up your mind based on judgments you’ve already formed?)

If you’re right, and 2400 people have completely misunderstood what she “really means”, is it “an attack” to suggest that she might want to start another thread and try again?

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 16/12/2025 08:58

i think we are a very boozy family at Christmas. The loaded recycling bins at the end of the week confirm it! That being said, there are always a few people not drinking for a variety of reasons. They still seem to enjoy themselves.

As the host I make sure there are drinks for everyone to enjoy. It seems grinch-like to baulk at buying non alcoholic choices.