Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

This. And if that's your reason, then you definitely have a problem with alcohol.

Tbh, OP, I prefer it if there’s a non-drinker in the house. They are very handy for emergencies.

I’ve shown nothing but compassion towards the OP and tried to call out the attacks she received. Trust me I am not horrible and I’m not nasty. Over invested? Perhaps, because I hate hate hate bullying. Hate it. Aren’t you the PP that asked me to stop interacting with you because of your personal problems? Why are you still poking at me? You’re typical of bully turned victim to evade accountability.

My personal problems. You mean my relative dying just before Christmas. Off you go you troll 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You hate hate hate bullying but you sit calling people see you next Tuesdays. No bother

Bully turned victim. Pmsl. Keep going. You're making a complete fool of yourself

Not horrible and not nasty. Sits calling people c**ts

I’m sorry for your losses, I truly am. You asked me to stop interacting with you so please don’t instigate.

No you're not. Or you wouldn't have referred to my relatives dying as "personal problems". You have the day you deserve

This is just a delightfully absolute bonkers read from start to finish.

oh and YABU, OP. Of course.

I am very sorry if I came across as insensitive with that comment. I was asking if you were the PP that asked me to stop interacting and you mentioned some personal things that I couldn’t recall to include in my reply. I really am sorry. And I truly am sorry for what you must be going through.

No - if I wasn’t an alky I wouldn’t be concerned that someone was not drinking. I’m not worried about my own behaviour after a drink so not worried about what others might think of it ‘sober’.

But you haven't called out any 'attacks' you have only attacked everyone blindly by calling names, while getting your own comments repetitively banned for bullying.

You claim everyone else is 'attacking' but where is the attack?

Disagreeing with you is not an attack

Saying something that makes you feel angry is not an attack

Talking about uncomfortable truths around parenting not an attack

You have to be responsible for controlling your own emotions just because a topic made you felt a certain negative way does not constitute 'bullying'. You need to look at why you feel that way, its anger inside yourself usually from internal conflict.

You got deleted because you where factually 'horrible and nasty'... theres nothing else too it, its not up for 'debate' you have been evaluated by moderators and that was the conclusion.

It was you attacked people and started calling everyone names for no reason.
You literally came on calling EVERYONE 'C**nts' like you had some personal vendetta against all of MN. There was no 'disagreeing' with any person, you didn't quote or reference a single poster other than OP, you did not clarify any so called 'attacks'. It was literally the very start of your postings, the first thing you said and you came in hot and aggressive.

What the hell do you plan on doing at this gathering which you would not want someone to remember?

If you read back that wasn’t my first post at all. I constructively contributed. Then started reading. Felt really bad for the OP and gave my point by point interpretation of what the OP was getting at that absolutely didn’t do serve some of the abuse she’s received.

I can’t quote individual replies because there are so many nasty accusations thrown at her. I shouldn’t have called Mumsnetters what I did, as not everyone on here is vile. But a lot are. And I hate to see someone get piled on like that. Absolutely no need for the nastiness. Accusing her of being an unfit mother, an alcoholic. Someone called her toxic, nasty, and more.

My post wasn’t deleted for the reasons you’ve given. It was deleted because I called you all c*.

This is a 25 year old man fgs not a teen.
I am 25 and I couldn’t imagine turning up uninvited at my parents house and then criticising them for celebrating their own way in their own house, it’s none of his business.
Have a drink and enjoy the day and he wants to pull silly faces or make snide remarks then off he fucks.

He doesn't need to have a drink to enjoy the day. People can choose not to drink if they like

They've not told him he's not welcome. And it's not his parents house. It's his dad's and stepmothers. And she seems to resent him. He's also not turning up uninvited. They've said yes to having him there when they don't want him

Here’s an example of one (of many) awful and unnecessary comments:

“she's being absolutely toxic to her husband's son. She's moaning about the fact that she will have to curtail her drinking because his son is joining them.”

“The OP is a nasty piece of work and is trying to exclude the one member of her family who is not her biological child because she wants to get pissed.”

“She can get rat-arse pissed if she wants, but she can manage to keep her husband's son away from it, and she's moaning about that.”

Absolutely vile comments. And purely this posters interpretation of what they thing is the case. Absolutely nothing I read from the OP would lead me to reach any of this.

That is just one of many. Now tell me again that I’m the bully.

Well I’ve only read the op posts and it sounds as if they are usually quite close if he is round most of the time for a meal and keeps his car on their drive etc which doesn’t seem to be a problem so I got the impression they accommodate him usually but weren’t intending on having him there Christmas Day but he announced he was coming and they weren’t expecting that.
I don’t think it’s fair to say she resents him as a whole when clearly she’s just not anticipated him coming when they are drinking and he’s apposed to them drinking which again he is a 25 year old man what business does he have making any comment?
The replies on here make out he is a child not a grown man of 25 who doesn’t get to say if his dad or step mum have a drink.
He doesn’t have to have a drink but if he’s that judgmental in other people’s houses when they do I can see why he’s not invited.
He’s the same age as me if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t come, if he does come surely he keeps his opinions to himself.

I'd like to hope that underneath it all the father cares enough about his son to not inflict that level of hurt and rejection upon him by telling him he's not invited or making him feel unwelcome when he's there over Christmas. That sort of rejection by a parent, at Christmas especially, could have a longlasting impact.

The stepson seems to be a regular visitor at the house so it's natural he'd expect he could spend Christmas with his dad's family, especially if he can't spend it with his mother. The OP didn't say why he isn't spending Christmas this year with her, as he usually does. Maybe he doesn't have anyone else to spend Christmas with this year, who knows?

I hope once his father calms down, and gets over his annoyance at having his drinking plans thwarted, he'll remember the true spirit of Christmas and make his son feel welcome and an important member of the family too. The OP as well. Drinking days can be rearranged (hopefully without the young children present), a relationship with his son could be messed up for good if the father and his wife don't cop on to what's really important here.

'I lost someone to suicide just before Christmas and buried another relative on the 23rd of December. The world won't come to a stop if someone can't have a drink for a day'

I'd just like to say I'm very sorry for your losses💐
You're also completely right-there are far more important things to focus on than missing out on a day's drinking. I'm hoping the OP will reflect on what's been posted here today and make changes by being more welcoming to her stepson this Christmas and by realising the negative effect it will have on her young children to see both parents drunk.

That's a good point I left home at 19. I wouldn't dream of inviting myself to my parents house for Christmas. I always asked in case they had other plans or had my uncle visiting.

He is the OP's partner's son. I would hope and expect that DD has the right to invite herself to us for Christmas.

He isn't a distant relative or a random stranger.

The part about drinking or nor drinking in a group settinng. Equally relevant as all the other messages 🤷🏼‍♀️

He is 25 he needs to get over it his dad and step mum wants a drink Christmas day. It's about time he grew up. When I visited my parents Christmas day I brought food with me I didn't come with dry hands expecting to be weighted on hand and foot. The entitlement asking his step mum and dad to buy him alcohol free beer is a liberty. I had 3 children by the time I was 25 what's his excuse. The op didn't mention anything about him bringing gifts for his siblings or food.

The emotional manipulation used on this thread is shocking. I've gone through shit and bereavement but I won't use it against the op to get my way or my point across. The op has done nothing wrong. He needs to grow up and help them out for a change rather than taking, and expecting more and not contributing. His mother and father has brought up a selfish young man. I feel sorry for the single ladies out there who will take over supporting him.

Vom