Page 29 | Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

wakinginthenight · 2025-12-15T09:28:08+00:00

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves. We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking. He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion. I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching. I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 17:55

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:05

Nobody hates him but no we DID NOT invite him and DO NOT want him to come.
The reason is that we have made other plans between ourselves this year and he has disrupted that.

That is what this thread is all about, I said that all along so not sure why all the Sherlock Holmes are coming out thinking they’ve just worked that out.

How is him inviting himself to our house to be fed and tell me what drink to buy him, more entitled than us wanting to spend Christmas how we choose in our own home?

We’ve already had to change all the food plans because we originally planned on doing a party/finger food buffet that the kids wanted now we have to have a sit down roast because he wouldn’t eat that and now we can’t have a drink either and yes I am pissed off and I ranted on here to save saying it to his face, if he’d been invited I would have happily been more accommodating but we he wasn’t and we I resent our plans being scuppered.
There’s not much we can do about it now, he’s told us he’s coming so what will be will be.

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There's no reason why you can't have your finger buffet - he can have a takeaway surely - plenty of places open at Christmas

I go to my mums every Christmas and I'm older than your step son. I go for the company and to give her company too. I look forward to seeing her. My brother goes to hers on Christmas day too. I can't ever envisage a situation where my mum says - I don't want you to come.

Why did he invite himself? Plus - even if you decide not to have a drink because hes there - you can have a drink on Christmas eve or Boxing day

What are your younger kids going to do when you are sitting getting tipsy?

This is the thing. You said you were going to have a good amount of drink. I personally think that might end up being a bit miserable for your two younger children. Surely you can have a glass of wine or whatever you like drinking without thinking it's ruining Christmas?

It's the fact that you referred to your stepson as a spectator that I thought was a bit odd - he's family

Stephy1886 · 15/12/2025 17:57

Haha it's weird that people get upset if someone in their company isn't drinking

Who's to say they won't join in and have a good time

Also, the comment about "remembering everything"
Can you not drink and not make an arse of yourself?

Stephy1886 · 15/12/2025 17:59

"We are having a buffet"
"Can we not have a roast?'
"No sorry I'm not making that"

Simple
Why change your plans for one person?

housethatbuiltme · 15/12/2025 18:01

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 17:02

My point exactly (even though my post was deleted by Mumsnet because I’ve called you all out and I’ve been silenced for it) is that you’ve all jumped in there with your own interpretation. The one that’s most fitting to your world because that’s in line with how you live your life is that she’s a raging alcoholic and she hates her step son. I laid it out point by point why she is absolutely valid to feel the way she feels with everything she said. You’ve all jumped in here with nasty personal attacks based on how you’ve filled in the gaps she left in her original post.

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If literally everyone else saw the question used the info and all got to answer A and you magically got the answer B then it most likely YOUR math thats off.

Literally everyone is reading the same thread with the same information and you are in the '2%' that voted that way and the only person arguing with everyone else. Which means you have struggled to ingest information correctly that everyone else and arrive at the same conclusion.

Its not the whole rest of the world that's wrong just to be against you and your not just a misunderstood genius that outsmarts 98% of other people from all different background, cultures and classes and sees the 'truth' your just wrong, aggressive and loud about it.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:03

I remember the most miserable Christmas of my entire life. I lost a relative just before Christmas - her funeral was the 23rd of December. I don't know how we got through that year but we did somehow. Seriously - the world is not going to collapse just because you maybe have to put off getting tipsy for 24 hours because your stepson is there.

It might seem like a pain in the arse just now but there are kids who wake up on Christmas day with nothing or would unless charities helped their families. Sometimes you need to be thankful for what you have

FloralHighNotes · 15/12/2025 18:07

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

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It sounds like you can only enjoy yourself if you are pissed. If so, you definitely have a problem with alcohol.

That you describe your non-drinking friend as a "spectator" suggests that you think other people are the same as you and can only participate in having "fun" if they are pissed.

Legomania · 15/12/2025 18:08

LBFseBrom · 15/12/2025 16:15

ldnmusic87 · Today 15:42
Christ, you are the rudest person in this thread.
...........
I didn't know He was on this thread!

🙄

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:10

ItsAHare · 15/12/2025 17:32

I was mid-reply to you when your post was deleted, but hopefully (as I haven’t referenced the personal attacks you made in it) this will still stand. Your point-by-point interpretation missed some pretty important context provided by OP.

You’d planned to have a fun time and the fact that it is just you two, makes it more awkward if the step son is usually a nightmare. Maybe you were hoping the alcohol would listen him up a bit and soften any friction between you
It’s not just the two of them, their young children will be there too. Strange that you judge others for filling in gaps, but decided the stepson is a “nightmare” when we don’t even know what he disapproves of and what he takes offence to. Maybe he disapproves of OPs behaviour when she’s drunk, or takes a dim view of being drunk in the presence of children?

I would feel miffed too. It’s just the three of you. He’s opted not to enjoy your version of Christmas as he would usually with his mates
Again, not just the three of them. Although OP framed it as feeling “a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and the one sober person will be sitting there watching” that’s not true. They won’t “all” be drinking, and the other sober people “sitting there watching” will be young children. Maybe he doesn’t want to get drunk around his siblings. Maybe he wants to be the sober adult in the house FOR his younger half-siblings.

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I’ve just read most of the OPs replies and I actually feel worse for her after reading them all. Click on the funnel at the top and just read through her replies only. Wow. You’re just awful, all of you.

I want to comb through and show you each point by point but there are too many. She only said the word “shitfaced” as she was quoting a previous poster who had accused her of saying that’s what she intended to do (she didn’t).

Yes, it’s clear that she doesn’t want her step son there and there may be more to those feelings. But that’s her issue and why she came to vent on Mumsnet. She’s also said that he loosens up when he has a drink normally. So yes that would make her anxious about her not being able to let her hair down at Christmas.

She has children. So what? She can’t have a drink and let herself go at Christmas. Even more reason she probably deserves to with 24/7 childcare all year round. She hopefully knows her limits and knows what’s an acceptable amount.

Nowhere do I get that she’s an irresponsible alcoholic. Who doesn’t deserve to let her hair down free of judgment in Her own home.

Shame on you all. And if this comment gets deleted again then shame on Mumsnet HQ too.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:10

Stephy1886 · 15/12/2025 17:59

"We are having a buffet"
"Can we not have a roast?'
"No sorry I'm not making that"

Simple
Why change your plans for one person?

I know. I don't understand why someone would get cheesed off about not having a finger buffet when the stepson could get a takeaway or if he wants to make a roast. Buy the ingredients and make it himself. Seriously - an adult, in fact two adults upset because their plans have changed when all they had to say was - we've made alternative plans and we'll see you tomorrow or whatever

Don't act like the martyr when all you had to do was say no

Pinkladyapplepie · 15/12/2025 18:10

You probably the type of person who nags ppl that aren't drinking saying don't be boring blah blah blah.
I don't drink, but for reasons that have nothing to do with me and alcohol, so if everyone had your attitude I would not be welcome anywhere.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:12

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:10

I’ve just read most of the OPs replies and I actually feel worse for her after reading them all. Click on the funnel at the top and just read through her replies only. Wow. You’re just awful, all of you.

I want to comb through and show you each point by point but there are too many. She only said the word “shitfaced” as she was quoting a previous poster who had accused her of saying that’s what she intended to do (she didn’t).

Yes, it’s clear that she doesn’t want her step son there and there may be more to those feelings. But that’s her issue and why she came to vent on Mumsnet. She’s also said that he loosens up when he has a drink normally. So yes that would make her anxious about her not being able to let her hair down at Christmas.

She has children. So what? She can’t have a drink and let herself go at Christmas. Even more reason she probably deserves to with 24/7 childcare all year round. She hopefully knows her limits and knows what’s an acceptable amount.

Nowhere do I get that she’s an irresponsible alcoholic. Who doesn’t deserve to let her hair down free of judgment in Her own home.

Shame on you all. And if this comment gets deleted again then shame on Mumsnet HQ too.

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Honestly get lost. Who asked you to gate keep everyones posts and start calling people see you next Tuesdays.

Your post got deleted because it breached the rules of the site. Everyone has opinions. If you don't like them scroll on

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:15

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:10

I’ve just read most of the OPs replies and I actually feel worse for her after reading them all. Click on the funnel at the top and just read through her replies only. Wow. You’re just awful, all of you.

I want to comb through and show you each point by point but there are too many. She only said the word “shitfaced” as she was quoting a previous poster who had accused her of saying that’s what she intended to do (she didn’t).

Yes, it’s clear that she doesn’t want her step son there and there may be more to those feelings. But that’s her issue and why she came to vent on Mumsnet. She’s also said that he loosens up when he has a drink normally. So yes that would make her anxious about her not being able to let her hair down at Christmas.

She has children. So what? She can’t have a drink and let herself go at Christmas. Even more reason she probably deserves to with 24/7 childcare all year round. She hopefully knows her limits and knows what’s an acceptable amount.

Nowhere do I get that she’s an irresponsible alcoholic. Who doesn’t deserve to let her hair down free of judgment in Her own home.

Shame on you all. And if this comment gets deleted again then shame on Mumsnet HQ too.

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How do you know she does 24 7 childcare all year. You don't. You're doing exactly what you accused other people of. Filling the gaps in

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No. You cry harder. I don't care what you think. I don't care if you think I'm horrible. You're the person on here calling everyone see you next Tuesdays. Off you bore

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:17

I won't sleep tonight because some random person on the Internet told me to "cry harder"

FloralHighNotes · 15/12/2025 18:18

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:58

I didn’t say there was a load of people I said it’s just family.
It will be Dh and I and our small children who will be drinking soft drinks because they are primary school age. However they will not be disapproving if Dh and I should have a few drinks and get ever so slightly tipsy.
I never once said we have a load of people coming, I said he is coming over.

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I would have thought you'd be grateful to have a sensible and sober adult in the house to keep an eye on your children while you and your husband are getting shit-faced.

TheTaupeScroller · 15/12/2025 18:20

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:10

I’ve just read most of the OPs replies and I actually feel worse for her after reading them all. Click on the funnel at the top and just read through her replies only. Wow. You’re just awful, all of you.

I want to comb through and show you each point by point but there are too many. She only said the word “shitfaced” as she was quoting a previous poster who had accused her of saying that’s what she intended to do (she didn’t).

Yes, it’s clear that she doesn’t want her step son there and there may be more to those feelings. But that’s her issue and why she came to vent on Mumsnet. She’s also said that he loosens up when he has a drink normally. So yes that would make her anxious about her not being able to let her hair down at Christmas.

She has children. So what? She can’t have a drink and let herself go at Christmas. Even more reason she probably deserves to with 24/7 childcare all year round. She hopefully knows her limits and knows what’s an acceptable amount.

Nowhere do I get that she’s an irresponsible alcoholic. Who doesn’t deserve to let her hair down free of judgment in Her own home.

Shame on you all. And if this comment gets deleted again then shame on Mumsnet HQ too.

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Christmas should be about the children, maybe the OP should put the kids first instead of prioritising her booze?

If she's embarrassed in front of her husband's son -or , as she describes, feels judged maybe she should question her behaviour in front of her own kids?

she probably deserves to with 24/7 childcare all year round. 😂
Even if she doesn't work, school age children go to school, so it's not exactly full time parenting is it

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:22

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:15

How do you know she does 24 7 childcare all year. You don't. You're doing exactly what you accused other people of. Filling the gaps in

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I said “probably”. So my crime is assuming she deserves a break. Yours is to assume she deserves an absolute stoning in a place she turned to vent, hoping that others would show compassion to her predicament.

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:24

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:16

No. You cry harder. I don't care what you think. I don't care if you think I'm horrible. You're the person on here calling everyone see you next Tuesdays. Off you bore

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And you’re showcasing perfectly why you fit that description.

musicinme · 15/12/2025 18:24

user1497787065 · 15/12/2025 17:05

I’m not much of a drinker anymore. I may have a glass of champagne at Christmas but that would be all. I would hate to think I would be excluded from an invitation because of this.

I think you should consider yourself grateful to be excluded from such a Christmas. Parents drunk with no one to look after their young children is never going to be fun. Dangerous perhaps, neglectful maybe, but fun.... no thanks!

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:24

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:24

And you’re showcasing perfectly why you fit that description.

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No I'm not. You're the person running around stanning for the OP and calling everyone see you next Tuesdays

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:27

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:24

No I'm not. You're the person running around stanning for the OP and calling everyone see you next Tuesdays

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Grow up

MidnightMeltdown · 15/12/2025 18:27

WTF is ‘a good amount of drink’

I think it’s sad that you feel the need to get absolutely shitfaced at Christmas in order to enjoy yourself, let alone that you think everyone else must too.

Either you’re a teenager, or you have a drinking problem.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:27

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:22

I said “probably”. So my crime is assuming she deserves a break. Yours is to assume she deserves an absolute stoning in a place she turned to vent, hoping that others would show compassion to her predicament.

Edited

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Please go away. I lost someone to suicide just before Christmas and buried another relative on the 23rd of December. The world won't come to a stop if someone can't have a drink for a day

And horrible me has spent the last five Christmases buying gifts for kids in my home town who would have zero otherwise. Don't interact with me again

You're over invested in this thread and just looking for people to pick at

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 18:28

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 18:27

Grow up

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As I said. Just go away. Your opinion means zero to me.