Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

I’m confused, is just your DH & yourself that had planned on spending the day drinking, with no-one else in the house or is it you both, along with your other children ? Surely if you’ve children, you’re not going to drink all day ??

Regardless, if you’d planned on buffet style food, why not stick to that and tell him that’s what you’d planned on doing. I’m sure your local butcher or M&S might have some sort of turkey/ham thing in single portions that your DSS could eat ?

No. People dont drink for all sorts of reasons - religious, dietary, medical and so on. That doesnt mean they cant enjoy themselves. Ive been in Mid Eastern countries during Ramadan and invited to meals where no one was drinking other than soft drinks or water. I no longer drink because of a liver condition but that doesnt stop others from enjoying a glass of wine.

That’s precisely how you interpreted it

Some people (obvs not you) can have fun without alcohol. You’re being a knob!

The op says he's sensitive and takes things the wrong way that's what she meant. He will remember everything and tell them all about it the next day. Most young people take things the wrong way until they learn not to give a fuck.

My apologies, I didn't read their whole post properly!

Why do you believe that he has the right to invite himself to your home? He doesn't. You could say sorry its just us and the kids this year, come round on Boxing Day.

Me and over 90% of the people commenting on the thread.

Spectator? What are you planning for Christmas? A bit of wife swapping? An orgy? Declare your undying love to one of the guest? Impromptu Dance Performance? Whats your pissed plan?

hahaha
When he does have a drink he lightens up and doesn’t act all disapproving but just him sitting there only looking up from his phone to raise an eyebrow or shake his head is horrible when your an adult.
Your visitor is doing this for a reason, perhaps your behaviour is reprehensible?

My point exactly (even though my post was deleted by Mumsnet because I’ve called you all out and I’ve been silenced for it) is that you’ve all jumped in there with your own interpretation. The one that’s most fitting to your world because that’s in line with how you live your life is that she’s a raging alcoholic and she hates her step son. I laid it out point by point why she is absolutely valid to feel the way she feels with everything she said. You’ve all jumped in here with nasty personal attacks based on how you’ve filled in the gaps she left in her original post.

If your stepson was not coming for Christmas, who would be looking after your young children if both of their parents were drunk?

Hey OP you know you can still have a great time without drinking right?

How unbelievably sad that you are so close minded that your ‘fun’ is limited to drinking and only for those who heavily participate.

Your ‘fun’ is people behaving ridiculously and acting in a terrible manner.

I’m not much of a drinker anymore. I may have a glass of champagne at Christmas but that would be all. I would hate to think I would be excluded from an invitation because of this.

Not sure what your problem is really. Are you sitting there getting tanked. Do you think they're judging you??

It's not difficult to get nice non alcoholic drinks so they don't feel excluded either.

This is the step son! oh dear oh me.

Stay classy Op.

😂

How unbelievably awful that a kid has to be invited to come over to his dad and step mums house. And because the step mum doesnt like that the step son doesn’t want to drink (what a crappy kid) she does not want him there.

And then to call him entitled. OP give yourself a shake: you sound awful and your over justifications when the majority of posters are telling you so is what makes you entitled.

Maybe he's seen how shit faced you all get when your drunk and chooses not to end up like you.
Or is it the fact that you have buy a few alcohol free beers for him.
Put your bottom lip away op and be the gracious hic hic hostess...if you can

Reminds me of the Scottish comedy sketch show Chewing the fat.
Tak a drink goan tak a drink.

You're missing the point. If the stepson is simply wrong and OP is not going to be doing anything untoward, then most adults would simply ignore and crack on with what they were doing. With a fair wind she might drink enough champagne that she won't even see the judgy eyebrows 😆

But the OP is saying that she and her DH will be so bothered by their son's judgement that she now feels she cannot drink at all, and would rather he didn't come.

Why can't they just hand him a Becks Blue, shrug at his surliness, and carry on as normal?

Sorry but it’s laughable that you are trying to make OP look like a victim. We haven’t needed to “fill in any gaps” because the OP has laid out her spiteful and self serving worldview in full technicolour.

She started a thread and then followed up with dozens of subsequent posts expressing her fury about the fact she was being expected to entertain a guest who didn’t want to drink alcohol as if this is some personal attack on her.

We learn about seven pages into this gormless and self pitying rant that the offender is her own stepson, and that the boys father is apparently “fuming” at the imposition of being visited by his own son.

We haven’t had to guess at any of this: its all laid out in words.

I don’t know what world you live in but in mine ditching a child at Christmas because you want to get shitfaced makes you an arsehole. And if you think I am judgemental or if my post gets deleted so be it. The OP and her husband are shit parents.

I was mid-reply to you when your post was deleted, but hopefully (as I haven’t referenced the personal attacks you made in it) this will still stand. Your point-by-point interpretation missed some pretty important context provided by OP.

You’d planned to have a fun time and the fact that it is just you two, makes it more awkward if the step son is usually a nightmare. Maybe you were hoping the alcohol would listen him up a bit and soften any friction between you
It’s not just the two of them, their young children will be there too. Strange that you judge others for filling in gaps, but decided the stepson is a “nightmare” when we don’t even know what he disapproves of and what he takes offence to. Maybe he disapproves of OPs behaviour when she’s drunk, or takes a dim view of being drunk in the presence of children?

I would feel miffed too. It’s just the three of you. He’s opted not to enjoy your version of Christmas as he would usually with his mates
Again, not just the three of them. Although OP framed it as feeling “a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and the one sober person will be sitting there watching” that’s not true. They won’t “all” be drinking, and the other sober people “sitting there watching” will be young children. Maybe he doesn’t want to get drunk around his siblings. Maybe he wants to be the sober adult in the house FOR his younger half-siblings.

Better to tell him he's not welcome and be honest than being barely tolerated on Christmas day in my view

Who will be caring for your young children while you’re getting shit faced? Does he not approve because you’re both putting drinking above the needs of your children?