Page 25 | Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

wakinginthenight · 2025-12-15T09:28:08+00:00

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves. We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking. He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion. I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching. I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

SALaw · 15/12/2025 14:19

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:58

I didn’t say there was a load of people I said it’s just family.
It will be Dh and I and our small children who will be drinking soft drinks because they are primary school age. However they will not be disapproving if Dh and I should have a few drinks and get ever so slightly tipsy.
I never once said we have a load of people coming, I said he is coming over.

Show quote history

So now it’s a few drinks and ever so slightly tipsy whereas before you wanted to get shitfaced and have no one remember anything?! Whilst in charge of kids?!

Seagoats · 15/12/2025 14:20

ThatOpenTraybake · 15/12/2025 09:30

Sorry to say that you and your DH have drink problems.

That doesn't mean you're alcoholics but the only people that are ever bothered by people not drinking around them, are people who have drink problems.

Edited for spelling

Edited

Agree 100% you're clearly uncomfortable with the amount you intend to sink op.

Worried He will remember fgs.

27pilates · 15/12/2025 14:21

Get a grip OP. The guest doesn’t need to explain himself to you, this is a non-issue. Find a hobby or something.

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 14:21

takealettermsjones · 15/12/2025 14:19

Good for you. Are you planning to have a drink as well? 😉😂

Show quote history

Both

BestintheWest · 15/12/2025 14:24

Biskieboo · 15/12/2025 14:19

Why oh why do people 1) ask 'AIBU?' when they've clearly already made their minds up that they're not, and 2) omit loads of obviously relevant information from the first post?

After your first few posts OP I thought you sounded like a raging alky and were indeed being unreasonable, but having now read all your posts it's pretty clear the not drinking thing is a bit of a side issue. The main thing is that you'll be spending Christmas day with one invited guest who is a fun sponge and who you don't like anyway, which is fair enough to be annoyed about.

Everything that you’ve said here is bang on.

BunnyLake · 15/12/2025 14:24

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:23

DH is fuming but what can he say?
He’s told us he’s coming so he’s coming, not much we can do about it but it’s blown our plans apart because we don’t need him sitting there with his eyebrows raised.
He won’t go until late so it’s just what it is now.

Show quote history

He’s fuming because his own son is coming over? Why is he fuming? I’d be delighted at my sons being home at Christmas.

MyOlivePanda · 15/12/2025 14:29

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:58

I didn’t say there was a load of people I said it’s just family.
It will be Dh and I and our small children who will be drinking soft drinks because they are primary school age. However they will not be disapproving if Dh and I should have a few drinks and get ever so slightly tipsy.
I never once said we have a load of people coming, I said he is coming over.

Show quote history

Your OP twice says ‘we all’ will be drinking. Most people would understand this to be a group of people drinking, rather than just you and your DH:

‘We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down…
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.’

RampantIvy · 15/12/2025 14:29

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:23

DH is fuming but what can he say?
He’s told us he’s coming so he’s coming, not much we can do about it but it’s blown our plans apart because we don’t need him sitting there with his eyebrows raised.
He won’t go until late so it’s just what it is now.

Show quote history

In which case the reply should have been "we are just having finger food and a glass or two of wine this year. I hope you are OK with this because I am not cooking a full Christmas dinner this year".

I think as his son it wasn't wrong for him to assume that he was welcome at his dad's. Also it was wrong for both of you to assume he was going to his mum's.

You all need to communicate with each other better.

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 14:29

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:47

It is my business when he’s asked me to buy him non alcoholic beer which I think he could have brought to be honest.
It’s only me and Dh and him and so me and Dh wanted to have a drink together and he’ll be sat there sober and I just feel like I won’t be able to relax while he’s there.

Show quote history

You don't want him there and neither does his own dad. Your first post sounded as if you were having a party and one person didn't want to drink. Now it's a member of family that you don't want there - just tell him you don't want him there

Don't insist that he drinks just to make you feel better. I hope you realise how awful you sound

TwilightAb · 15/12/2025 14:30

You need to support this person in this. For all you know they may be trying to make changes to their alcohol use because it has become a problem for them. What they dont need is people criticising this.

Thistooshallpass. · 15/12/2025 14:34

I find it odd that you are already planning this far in advance that you are going to get drunk .. fine have a few drinks .. but in your words “shitfaced” . Then you don’t like that someone else won’t join in ?! Why ? Does it make you feel bad about yourself ?
Finally you mention you have small children - that’s a nice way for them to spend Christmas watching their parents get drunk !

Laserwho · 15/12/2025 14:34

Why are you treating one child differently to the rest?

Roobarbtwo · 15/12/2025 14:35

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:04

That’s why I don’t want him there.
I am entitled to get shitfaced at Christmas in my house if I want to and not want someone sat in the corner disapproving.

Show quote history

So you've basically said you are going to get shit faced - with two young kids in the house - and that your stepson has blown your plans apart - your plans to play party games and have a buffet

You've got a tongue in your head - you and your husband. If you didn't want him there all you had to say was - we've got plans for Christmas day - come round later in the week. You can't put this all on him when you've said it's ok for him to be there

lazyarse123 · 15/12/2025 14:44

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 14:18

Oh well I plan on getting fucked this Christmas

Show quote history

Good for you. Are you 15?

AlwaysADramaHadEnough · 15/12/2025 14:44

Why would it bother you.
Bizarre

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 15/12/2025 14:46

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

Show quote history

Of course you are entitled to feel however you feel, but your perspective is strange. Why are they a spectator and everyone else are not? If I am drinking, I remember everything, so does that make me a spectator? If your guest is joining in on games with the family, surely they are taking part and are not a spectator? Many parties have designated drivers or those who can't drink due to next day commitments.

We know a number of friends who are teetotal and have never viewed them as spectators, nor have we felt uncomfortable with them not drinking. What about children? Are they spectators too, or are they not invited?

How you are putting it across is that YOU cannot have a good time unless you and everyone else around you are drunk. Each to their own, but it comes across as a very strange perspective.

AllStarBySmashMouth · 15/12/2025 14:48

I am the non-drinker in my family and I would be so offended to know someone was miffed about that. Acting like someone is a “spectator” for not drinking?? Get a grip!

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 14:54

lazyarse123 · 15/12/2025 14:44

Good for you. Are you 15?

Show quote history

I am a grown adult who can make my own decisions in my own home. Unlike some of you who are controlled by your children.

lazyarse123 · 15/12/2025 14:56

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 14:54

I am a grown adult who can make my own decisions in my own home. Unlike some of you who are controlled by your children.

Show quote history

What do my children have to do with anything?

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2025 14:59

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 14:54

I am a grown adult who can make my own decisions in my own home. Unlike some of you who are controlled by your children.

Show quote history

It's nothing to do with being "controlled by your children". It's to do with basic compassion and civility towards your children and understanding that your loyalty to them trumps your loyalty to a partner.

The dad is obviously a weak loser: he's shacked up with OP and is allowing her to sway him against his first child.

I don't know whether I'm more chilled by the OP with her desperate desire to drink herself into a stupor with small kids around or the fact that the pair of them are teaming up to exclude his first born child. Horrible, both of them. I just hope the son realises what a pair of arseholes they both are.

ItsFridayIminLoveJS · 15/12/2025 15:01

How pathetic.. you don't need to drink alcohol to have a good time.. get over yourself.. l hated alcohol.. it all tastes horrible.

TheTaupeScroller · 15/12/2025 15:11

ByWisePanda · 15/12/2025 12:32

I drank around my kids on Christmas day and now they are adults they enjoy a tipple now and then. There's nothing wrong with that.

Show quote history

don't be disingenuous and pretend I wrote something else.

It's not about drinking, it's about expecting other adults to drink so much no one will remember what happened (in the word of the OP: if they are just going to sit there and remember everything)

Well primary school children won't be drinking either, and will be remembering everything.

Shit parenting to ruin the kids Christmas by putting themselves in such a state.
Nothing to do with having Mimosa for breakfast and a few drinks throughout the day.

Don't pretend you can't see the difference, you are not being as clever as you think you are.

Snippit · 15/12/2025 15:12

I no longer drink for health reasons and certain medication, have been like this for 15 years. I’m now 58 and go to many events without drinking. I don’t understand why adults my age think it’s odd that I can go all day and night (wedding) without a drink.

I’m more than happy not drinking, I still enjoy myself, have a boogy if there’s a dance floor. I’ve played taxi many times to middle aged adults, so pissed up they can hardly stand and I don’t understand it, I find it vile. I’ve now refused to ferry anyone who is so pisssd after an altercation with a mate of my husbands. I kindly offered to take him home, 6 miles away, I got so fed up of his gob shite and shouting, I pulled up and gave him a bollocking, there was 3 of them in the car and the oldest was a woman who is 73 🥴

My husband has got the message, if he goes out with his buddies I’ll collect him and the others can sort out their own transport. I don’t believe I have a problem for not drinking, I ask myself why these older adults still need to drink so much 🤷‍♀️

raspberrieswithchocolate · 15/12/2025 15:14

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2025 14:59

It's nothing to do with being "controlled by your children". It's to do with basic compassion and civility towards your children and understanding that your loyalty to them trumps your loyalty to a partner.

The dad is obviously a weak loser: he's shacked up with OP and is allowing her to sway him against his first child.

I don't know whether I'm more chilled by the OP with her desperate desire to drink herself into a stupor with small kids around or the fact that the pair of them are teaming up to exclude his first born child. Horrible, both of them. I just hope the son realises what a pair of arseholes they both are.

Show quote history

I agree. If you have children, you put their needs and wellbeing above all else. Absolutely horrible, selfish behaviour from them both. No young child should have to witness their parents drink to the extent that they don't want other, sober adults around to observe their behaviour.

I also feel sorry for the stepson, I hope he doesn't find out his own father is 'fuming' at the idea of having him around for Christmas, it will deeply hurt him to know he's unwanted by his own parent. I'm sure he's already picked up on his stepmum's dislike of him, which is bad enough.

TheTaupeScroller · 15/12/2025 15:16

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:05

Nobody hates him but no we DID NOT invite him and DO NOT want him to come.
The reason is that we have made other plans between ourselves this year and he has disrupted that.

That is what this thread is all about, I said that all along so not sure why all the Sherlock Holmes are coming out thinking they’ve just worked that out.

How is him inviting himself to our house to be fed and tell me what drink to buy him, more entitled than us wanting to spend Christmas how we choose in our own home?

We’ve already had to change all the food plans because we originally planned on doing a party/finger food buffet that the kids wanted now we have to have a sit down roast because he wouldn’t eat that and now we can’t have a drink either and yes I am pissed off and I ranted on here to save saying it to his face, if he’d been invited I would have happily been more accommodating but we he wasn’t and we I resent our plans being scuppered.
There’s not much we can do about it now, he’s told us he’s coming so what will be will be.

Show quote history

you are being ridiculous.
we originally planned on doing a party/finger food buffet that the kids wanted now we have to have a sit down roast because he wouldn’t eat that

You really don't have to pretend you must change the food plans, he would eat what's there.

now we can’t have a drink either
you can, but if you need him to be around to stop you from being dead drunk when you have younger children, then question your priorities.

You don't like your step-child, but he's an adult, you can't stop him from seeing his dad and he'll survive if you don't like him. But your attitude towards your own children is shocking