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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

1000 replies

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:28

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

OP posts:
Missey85 · 15/12/2025 10:35

It wouldn't bother me at all it's their choice maybe they'd rather not spend Xmas with people that can't enjoy themselves unless their pissed 😡

Original poster
wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:37

In fact he definitely won’t be driving anywhere because his car lives on our drive as he has no parking where he lives and we are only 2 roads down from him.

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 15/12/2025 10:37

You’re not just being unreasonable, you’re being toxic

Original poster
wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:37

Missey85 · 15/12/2025 10:35

It wouldn't bother me at all it's their choice maybe they'd rather not spend Xmas with people that can't enjoy themselves unless their pissed 😡

He’d probably rather not but he’s still coming.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 15/12/2025 10:38

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:47

It is my business when he’s asked me to buy him non alcoholic beer which I think he could have brought to be honest.
It’s only me and Dh and him and so me and Dh wanted to have a drink together and he’ll be sat there sober and I just feel like I won’t be able to relax while he’s there.

Show quote history

I can’t believe that you’ve got a problem buying a few alcohol free beers for a guest. So you’re incredibly tight as well as being a piss artist?! 🤣🤣🤣

jbm16 · 15/12/2025 10:38

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

Show quote history

You are entitled, but extremely weird, not everyone needs alcohol to have a good time, I don't drink, but have never been thought of as a spectator... bizare!

bengalcat · 15/12/2025 10:38

Wouldn’t bother me at all

BobbyBrewstersMagicTorch · 15/12/2025 10:38

Why have you asked if YABU and then basically argued with the 98% who say you are?

MrsOverthinker25 · 15/12/2025 10:38

I’m confused that you’re “miffed” by him not wanting to drink. Even more confused as to how you thought anyone would agree that you are not being unreasonable 🙄

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 15/12/2025 10:39

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

Show quote history

This is a windup right?

Or alternatively you’re worried that someone who doesn’t drink is going to shine the spotlight on how much you do.

I imagine they probably wouldn’t want to spend the day with a load of drunks anyway so they’ve probably had a lucky escape.

Leavmealone · 15/12/2025 10:39

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:31

Nobody will be driving anywhere it’s only him that’s coming and he lives a 2 minute walk.

Show quote history

He's 25, lives a 2 minute walk away and is staying with you all day and night......something's not adding up here.

ldnmusic87 · 15/12/2025 10:39

I wish posters wouldn't drip feed everything.

adaywithy · 15/12/2025 10:40

I think people got the wrong end of the stick here. The issue is that you have a judgy guest on a day you want to spend with merry making in your own home.

Even though I don’t enjoy drinking much personally I’ll say do what you fancy this Christmas.

Can you invite this lad for a lovely fry up followed by some fresh air and then excuse yourselves. Let him know that you and your husband are going to be unavailable after that.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 15/12/2025 10:40

We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down

"We all" - and yet now it's just you and your husband and him

Which is it?

Cheese55 · 15/12/2025 10:40

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:37

In fact he definitely won’t be driving anywhere because his car lives on our drive as he has no parking where he lives and we are only 2 roads down from him.

Is he your step son?

housethatbuiltme · 15/12/2025 10:41

'if they are just going to sit there and remember everything'

What the fuck do you plan on doing that needs 'forgetting'?

Planning to get so shit faced you dont remember would suggest you have a serious issue with drink that you should consider addressing.

Someone else's lifestyle is not a personal attack on you. If someone is dieting or vegan or non smoking or non drinking or anti drugs etc... when it comes to their lifestyle its not about you and its not them trying to 'shame' you. Your over reaction is you internally shaming yourself and projecting it outwards. Your misplacing the issue entirely and should address why you feel that way about your own behaviors.

Original poster
wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:41

Xkk · 15/12/2025 10:34

Pregnant, antibiotics or antidelresants, religion, past trauma around drinking like people from alocoholic families or people who had loved ones dying from drinking, recovering alcoholics, don't like the taste, don't enjoy the feeling of being drunk, or no reason at all. Can be anything or nothing, no one should have to explain their choices around not drinking alcohol. The OP is the problem!

Show quote history

I get that but that’s not the case here, he is not one person not drinking in a crowd, Dh and I are having Christmas at home this year and planned to have a few drinks together, he is the only person coming.
It would be very different if there would be more guests.

OP posts:
TheBlueHedgehog · 15/12/2025 10:42

First post:

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking .

A few posts in:

It’s only me and Dh and him and so me and Dh wanted to have a drink together and he’ll be sat there sober and I just feel like I won’t be able to relax while he’s there.

@wakinginthenight you've changed your story quite a bit here?

HisNotHes · 15/12/2025 10:43

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

Show quote history

What is it that they will be spectating?

Surely if it’s games, chat etc a sober person can still join in?!

Solaire18381 · 15/12/2025 10:43

You and your DH sound like a nightmare. Sensible guy for staying teetotal and not wanting to get involved in your drunken, memorable, embarrassing shenanigans that you don't want him to remember by being sober.

Also your story changes - first you say you "all" intend to have a good amount of drink, one person who is coming has requested non-alcoholic beer. Otherwise "all" of you will be drinking. Then in another post you say "It's only me, DH and him" who will be there, so there is no "all of us".

So definitely think this is a wind up, as you can't get your story straight, it changes.

InfoSecInTheCity · 15/12/2025 10:43

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:31

I can have the opinion that I’d rather not have someone in my home sitting there as a spectator.
I’m entitled to feel uncomfortable about their presence in those circumstances.

Show quote history

He won’t be a spectator though, he will be an active participant in the day just without being pissed.

Im a non-drinker, I don’t like the feeling of being tipsy, I still have fun when I go out and take part in the activities I just do it sober.

junglejunglebear · 15/12/2025 10:44

ThatOpenTraybake · 15/12/2025 09:30

Sorry to say that you and your DH have drink problems.

That doesn't mean you're alcoholics but the only people that are ever bothered by people not drinking around them, are people who have drink problems.

Edited for spelling

Edited

As someone who doesn't drink, 100% this.

I don't care if other people drink or not. Their liver, their business. I don't comment, lecture, pull faces, tut or sigh, I just accept whatever soft drink is on offer and leave it at that.

But dear me do I get funny looks and snarky questions from the functioning alcoholics in the room. My mother in particular.

InSpainTheRain · 15/12/2025 10:44

No it wouldn't bother me - especially as I am the one not drinking! People can drink or not, it's always wise to remember that for some people it's not "just a drink" and people needed to be supported whatever their choice.

Xkk · 15/12/2025 10:44

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:51

This is exactly what he is like, he won’t talk to us or join in anything, he’ll just sit on his phone disapproving.

Show quote history

That is bull. You either accept the person for who they are or you don't. You don't invite a peron hoping they would drink so they can fit in with you. That is screwed up and I am so surprised people think this way. As in the dunamic of the night, the hosts set the dynamic. If your fun is spoiled by one person not drinking then you don't know how to have fun.

shhblackbag · 15/12/2025 10:44

ldnmusic87 · 15/12/2025 10:39

I wish posters wouldn't drip feed everything.

She didn't get the answers she expected.

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