Should I do all the housework because I have no job?

[lulu55xxx]

Five months ago I left my job because my mental health was a mess.
My partner has a full time job.
Now I’ve been contributing exactly the same as when I had a job as I had savings (made sure I had enough to support myself)if anything I pay more than my partner.
Since I have no job he does nothing now and says I have to do it all.
I do all the cooking ,cleaning ,washing ,shopping.
He will get in from work and just throw his clothes where he stands.
Last week I wasn’t well and didn’t tidy as much and he made feel awful about it,said it was my job and I should be doing it all.
If I’m knackered one day and I just ask him to make me a cuppa he won’t or if he has to put the bin out he will kick off about it.
He hasn’t made a cup of tea since I left my job.
Hes been speaking to me horribly if o dare ask him to do anything (like change cat litter )
”I have a job you don’t,you need to do everything”
I was ill last week and he just watched me do everything (on the two days he was off )
Hes a total different person outside,kind and nice to people ,always helping people but he’s totally different with me now.
The way he has spoke to me lately has been horrible.
Its like he now sees me as his slave and that’s all I’m good for.

I don't think it was your job causing your mental health issues. Seems to me that he's the problem.

If you think you have mental health problems, first make sure you're not just surrounded by twats.

He doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. Whatever you feel about him, you can't change that. Accept it and end it.

The disrespect is off the scale! If he wants you to do it all then keep your savings and do as he wants!

Generally, I'd expect someone with more time, to do more in the house, irrespective of financial contribution, but within what they can manage dependent on their health. If my partner was physically and mentally capable of housework but I regulalry had to come home from work and start doing cleaning and laundry as they hadn't done it despite being at home all day, because they paid the same bills as me that month, I'd be pissed off.

There was a thread on here recently from a woman who had a partner who had a large trust find / inheritance and financially contributed more so used that as a reason to do absolutely nothing despite the OP working full time and the consensus was to LTB.

However whatever the financial and health arrangements there is absolutely no excuse for him to speak to you like shit, or treat you with no respect. Even if I was a lady of leisure and my husband worked 12 hour shifts I'd expect him to make me a cup of tea if he was getting one, refrain from dumping his clothes on the floor or leaving his shit everywhere, and treat me with kindness and pick up the slack if i was ill. I think he is fundamentally, a shitty person. And like others said, staying in this relationship won't be helping your mental health long term

Op why are you thinking about a future with this man? He hates you and is treating you with complete contempt. It seems like he's a naturally abusive person and has jumped on this opportunity to up his game (you said he started being nasty after the first year). You really would be far happier on your own and you really should think about leaving as this is surely not helping your mental health.

You've created (by accident!) a power imbalance. Even though you're contributing equally (and even if you weren't he's still wrong), he's making you feel guilty and you're not sure whether you're being unreasonable so you're letting him get away with being abusive. Thing is, it sounds like you are doing all the housework anyway and he's now treating you like his personal slave.

youve been with him 5 years and he was only nice for the first year? That’s a 20% grade which is a Fail.

OP how you doing now? I highly recommend you LTB. He sounds vile and I would suggest that is contributing to your poor MH.

In my relationship our contribution/expectation on domestic chores has no relation what so ever if we are working or what we earn. We are a team. If I was off work with stress/mental health struggles/health issues, my husband would tell me to just rest and get myself better.

I think you need to reconsider the relationship. He is not your teammate who wants the best for you.

No. Just fucking no.

I would expect my husband to do all the housework if he wasn’t working and I’d expect to do it if I weren’t working. What i wouldn’t tolerate is being treated badly and like someone not worthy of treating nicely because of it.
a cup of tea is not much to ask and hardly a chore. This man sounds horrible tbh

@lulu55xxx Are you receiving financial support if you are unable to work due to ill health? I'd put some of that aside for a "rainy day."

I don’t think it’s about money it’s about spare time. You now have a lot more than he does.

I don’t think it would be unreasonable for you to do more given the time (u could go into a weekend with out the pressure to clean up etc) but no. You shouldn’t do it all and he should still treat you as an equal- because you are. He does sound like a bit of a nob.

Do you think your mental health problems might be connected you having a horrible, selfish partner???

What your husband expects is irrelevant. Only do housework that benefits you. Cook for yourself, wash only your clothes, etc. He can take care of himself. Life is too short to tolerate his behavior. Consider divorcing him.

No you should not be doing everything even if you were not contributing 50/50 because what happens when you go back to work? All of a sudden he starts doing 50/50 again? I doubt it. He is treating you this way because you are letting him. Stand up to him. Refuse to do it. If he doesn't like it, you don't have kids so just kick him out.