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Original poster

Should I do all the housework because I have no job?

165 replies

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:48

Five months ago I left my job because my mental health was a mess.
My partner has a full time job.
Now I’ve been contributing exactly the same as when I had a job as I had savings (made sure I had enough to support myself)if anything I pay more than my partner.
Since I have no job he does nothing now and says I have to do it all.
I do all the cooking ,cleaning ,washing ,shopping.
He will get in from work and just throw his clothes where he stands.
Last week I wasn’t well and didn’t tidy as much and he made feel awful about it,said it was my job and I should be doing it all.
If I’m knackered one day and I just ask him to make me a cuppa he won’t or if he has to put the bin out he will kick off about it.
He hasn’t made a cup of tea since I left my job.
Hes been speaking to me horribly if o dare ask him to do anything (like change cat litter )
”I have a job you don’t,you need to do everything”
I was ill last week and he just watched me do everything (on the two days he was off )
Hes a total different person outside,kind and nice to people ,always helping people but he’s totally different with me now.
The way he has spoke to me lately has been horrible.
Its like he now sees me as his slave and that’s all I’m good for.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 13/12/2025 21:09

He sounds like an utter pig of a man. Kicking off because he has to put the bin out etc is such a red flag.

You are off sick with mental health issues. You should be taking things easy, and he should being more supportive.
Do you get time off from housework? Does he help at the weekends?

Papyrophile · 13/12/2025 21:10

Your oh sounds like an utter waste of space and a horrible person, I agree. but if you are at home, and not working, then the responsibility for making your home welcoming and comfortable reverts to you. It is your contribution for the loss of income.

abracadabra1980 · 13/12/2025 21:11

As a mother, If you were my daughter I'd advise you to dump this arsehole without hesitation. You will never, ever, have a happy life with him.

XenoBitch · 13/12/2025 21:11

Papyrophile · 13/12/2025 21:10

Your oh sounds like an utter waste of space and a horrible person, I agree. but if you are at home, and not working, then the responsibility for making your home welcoming and comfortable reverts to you. It is your contribution for the loss of income.

OP is still paying towards bills etc but from her savings. She pays more than her partner does towards them.

Papyrophile · 13/12/2025 21:11

Even if you do it for yourself. and selfishly.

MidnightSunGazer · 13/12/2025 21:12

MayaPinion · 13/12/2025 20:19

If you weren’t working I’d be expecting you to do most of the cooking and cleaning. It’s not just about the money, it’s about parity of free time. If you’re at home all day why should he have to come home from work and start making tea? Your partner has lost respect for you. He may be anxious about paying the bills long term, or be visioning a future where he has to ‘keep’ you - nothing wrong with that but both parties need to be in enthusiastic agreement. He may be missing your work conversations or your energy and ambition. He may feel this situation is not what he signed up for when you became a couple. Did he agree with you giving up work?

That said, he is treating you very badly and you are in a vulnerable position unless you have a lot of savings.

We’ve time travelled back to the 1950s. It’s a Christmas miracle 🙄

Junenights · 13/12/2025 21:12

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 20:12

I’ve stated taking sertraline to hopefully help my mental health but at the minute it’s making me feel like crap.
I really want to get back to work next year

💯 your mental health will improve as soon as you dump this man. Then you can look after yourself better physically also. I cannot believe he lies on the bed expecting you to set up the tv. and expects you to wait on him like a maid. He sees you as his servant. I am so sad for you, please get out of this relationship.

Papyrophile · 13/12/2025 21:13

Very sorry, we have always had joint finances. Any money we earn has always been our money.

Tryingatleast · 13/12/2025 21:13

The dropping the clothes where he stood made me feel sick and we’ve an easygoing house. I’d expect the person at home to do a certain amount WHILE I’m working, but as someone who used to be a sahm, the expectation that people seem to have that everything should be done seven days a week 24 hours a day is beyond ridiculous. Dh wasn’t exactly mr super supportive when I was a sahm, in fact we clashed a lot (life lesson people, only be a sahm if he is the most supportive person ever ever and you have access to your own money should things go wrong), but I’d say he’d say what your partner is doing is shocking

Eyeshadow · 13/12/2025 21:14

Yes of course you should do all of the housework.

Its not about money - are you seriously suggesting that a midwife who works FT should do more housework than her husband who is a neurosurgeon but only works PT because he earns more money?

Housework should be based on number of hours worked, not salary else 90% of women would be at a complete disadvantage.

You should absolutely do all of the housework and cooking etc as that is technically ‘your job’ right now.
(we all know that if this was DH not working all of the posters would say he needs to do all of the housework).

However, that is absolutely no excuse to talk to you like shit and throw his clothes on the floor - my child doesn’t even do that.

Most partners would want to make their poorly partners a cup of tea and it’s very obvious that is resentful of you not working.

You say you’re still contributing the same financially but that is dipping into your savings and by MN standard that is shared money.

How much effort are you putting in to look for a new job?
Is this why he’s so resentful of you do you think because he thinks you’re not trying hard enough?

vitalityvix · 13/12/2025 21:14

What are you doing with your time? If you aren’t in paid employment and your partner is, I think you should be doing all the housework. I understand that financially you contribute the same, but IMO housework shouldn’t be divided proportionately based on the financial contribution to the household; it’s about free time.

However, he shouldn’t be flinging his clothes off where he stands etc. He needs to be an adult and generally tidy up after himself as he moves around the house. You aren’t his slave.

It sounds like he’s lost respect for you and this is probably based on resentment.

LivelyMintViper · 13/12/2025 21:16

Oh sweetheart, cope yourself on. You deserve better. Lose this jerk. Get your self worth back

InterestedDad37 · 13/12/2025 21:16

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:53

I pay exactly the same as I did if not more.
I don’t mind the housework but just to not even make a cup of tea for me
We will be sat ready for bed and il have to unplug the firestick then he lies on the bed and I set up the tele.
Its everything now

In which case he's a complete arse, and you should carefully consider leaving the twat your future with him.

XenoBitch · 13/12/2025 21:16

vitalityvix · 13/12/2025 21:14

What are you doing with your time? If you aren’t in paid employment and your partner is, I think you should be doing all the housework. I understand that financially you contribute the same, but IMO housework shouldn’t be divided proportionately based on the financial contribution to the household; it’s about free time.

However, he shouldn’t be flinging his clothes off where he stands etc. He needs to be an adult and generally tidy up after himself as he moves around the house. You aren’t his slave.

It sounds like he’s lost respect for you and this is probably based on resentment.

Ok, housework whilst he as at work then.
When he is home, and on the weekend, it should be equal.

HomeTheatreSystem · 13/12/2025 21:16

He's a nasty piece POS. You should use the money you have saved to leave him.

Is the house owned by you both or a rental?

bridgetreilly · 13/12/2025 21:17

She’s not off work as a 1950s housewife, FFS. She’s not working because she’s not well. So yes, she should do as much housework as she can reasonably manage. But no, she should not be doing all the housework.

Whatsthatsheila · 13/12/2025 21:17

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:53

I pay exactly the same as I did if not more.
I don’t mind the housework but just to not even make a cup of tea for me
We will be sat ready for bed and il have to unplug the firestick then he lies on the bed and I set up the tele.
Its everything now

Im more bothered that you are leaving yourself financially insecure by decimating your savings and he’s allowing it. Get a job - get your savings and income sorted and leave this absolutely vile man.

your mental health may actually be somewhat better when you aren’t in such a relationship

MidnightSunGazer · 13/12/2025 21:18

@lulu55xxx I have a job and choose to have no partner because I hate being bossed. Yes I have to do the housework by myself but I don’t have some man telling me what to do. You don’t have to stay with this horrible man. Let him sort out his own fire stick and you’ll only have your own laundry to do.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/12/2025 21:20

Blown away by the number of posters who only managed to read the title, and thought that was enough to impart their wisdom.

didn’t bother to read anything else at all which would have shown you that this is nothing to do with housework and everything to do with the op being treated like shit by her partner.,

DepRosLil · 13/12/2025 21:20

If you’re at home all day then yes you should be doing the housework & cooking.

What else could you possibly be doing?

Forgot to add your partner sounds like a prick and you should leave him.

XenoBitch · 13/12/2025 21:21

DepRosLil · 13/12/2025 21:20

If you’re at home all day then yes you should be doing the housework & cooking.

What else could you possibly be doing?

Forgot to add your partner sounds like a prick and you should leave him.

Edited

Yes, because people that are not working are sat watching day time TV all day and living in filth.

Why should she be treated like a skivvy once he is home? And on the weekend?

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 13/12/2025 21:21

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 20:13

From day 14 of my cycle I’m in so much pain which doesn’t help.
Ive got endometriosis on my bowel and womb so I get really bad pain even when it’s not time of the month …then the sertraline hasn’t helped I don’t think.
Its just been a crappy few months.

OP if its been a few months and the setraline hasn't worked see if they will give you something else, I had much better results on both fluoxetine and citalopram (the latter especially, but everyone is different) setraline didn't do anything for me. Xx

However I suspect your struggles with your mental health probably have a bit to do with your shitcunt, abusive boyfriend making you feel worthless. If you are paying 50% of the bills you do 50% of the chores. He's taking the piss.

vitalityvix · 13/12/2025 21:22

XenoBitch · 13/12/2025 21:16

Ok, housework whilst he as at work then.
When he is home, and on the weekend, it should be equal.

Show quote history

Absolutely. If OP is spending over 40 hours per week on housework, the remaining hours should be shared equally over the weekend or in evenings. However, I’m not sure I know anyone that averages almost 6 hours per day on housework!

TroysMammy · 13/12/2025 21:24

Is he causing your mental health problems or is he making them worse?

Papyrophile · 13/12/2025 21:24

I did scan the first few messages, and became infuriated on behalf of the OP, so I weighed in. I've read more now, and my opinion is shifting to a view that this is a cultural diversity issue. In which case, I am absolutely not going to post what I really think. I'll stick to the polite version.