To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

Your mother was clear in what she wanted to happen. Your father is clear on what he wants to happen. So just get on with it. Stop pretending that you are in the right. You are not. Just because the will is not legal does not mean you get to contest what you KNOW your mother wanted to do. It has nothing to do with apologising to your sibling. It is all to do with you trying to steal from your sibling.

You are a bitch. Sorry

It's not unreasonable at all!

You have reneged on an agreement and are now pressuring her into selling her house share to you so she can what? Sit back and watch you coin even more in? What is SHE wanted to sell the house for profit?

And all this knowing you're kissing the arse of her abuser?!!

You're a grabby sod and I don't blame DSis for turning her back on you in the slightest.

At the end of the day it's YOU that has caused the trouble in the family, not her.

Yes! Most shocking thing I’ve read on here for a while …

the dad IS abusive now
cutting a child out of your will because the other sibling has done more care IS abusive and cruel

op you are coming off like a cold robot - both wills should be exactly 50/50

also “having a good job” does not negate the trauma and life damaging effect of abuse - how do you know it wasn’t sexual as well ? You don’t sound like someone I’d open up too …

Is this a joke?

Have a bit of shame!

Why post this tale of greed and dishonesty for the world to see?

Unbelievable.

Wow, you are nasty! What a horrible attitude to take. Money brings out the worst in people. Greed.

Agreed.

You sound cold as ice OP.
You know its not what was discussed or what your mum wanted.

I inherited everything from my arsehole father (who like the arsehole he was disinherited my sibling) and i gave half to my sibling through deed of variation despite my sibling hating my father and "not wanting anything from him".

Like you....Legally I didn't have to do anything but morally i would have fucking sucked if i had kept it all.

Sorry OP, you suck....
An apology is the least of it...

OP is proving herself to be quite the heinous shit.

So the other relatives whom also surprisingly agree with your rancid actions, all have their snouts firmly in your father’s trough as well. You really are not coming across well op. Are you always this thick skinned?

If I was your father I would be doing my own meds at night and double checking them twice…

I hate my brother, he is a total and utter cunt, but I will still make sure he gets a fair share of our parents estate when comes to it

OP is like my brother

Also, i can not believe you are searching for a loophole because your DM died unexpectedly. How horrible. Why are you even entertaining trying to get 50% when you had a verbal agreement and your DM didnt want this? Seriously why? When your getting your dads estate already

I'm sorry @Bearingsbear20 but I wouldn't be talking to you either. You were happy to let your sibling have your DMs estate and you take DFs which seems more than fair... and then, when you realised you could get more, you ignored any agreement you'd made (regardless of whether it was legally binding or not - that's just an excuse to cover for your greed ).

Greed is such an ugly trait. Money does things to people.

Why did you bother posting this, OP?

You will clearly not be swayed in anyway to understand how morally reprehensible your behaviour has been to your sibling (and based on your posts I suspect you are minimising your DF’s history of abuse).

So why ask?

If I was your sister I would be thinking 50% is money well spent to get rid of you for good.

Are you married? Have you found anyone that will tolerate your lack of decency? Please tell me you are not a mother, and your dc are watching this all unfold.

@Bearingsbear20 from your own words you have described a sibling who is trying to deal with childhood trauma. It sounds like you are close to the person responsible for their trauma. I would guess they are finding this current situation re-traumatising which might be just 1 reason for reducing communication.

It also sounds like you can’t see why your sibling can’t just take on board your reasoning and agree with you. However you are failing to take on board the reasoning of all these MN folks and refuse to agree with anything said here. Can you see the similarities?

If you refuse to engage unless someone agrees with you, why are you posting?

of course you can do what is legal OP - but that does not mean it is ethical. You had a verbal agreement with both your sibling and DM and now you are going back on that due to a legal technicality. It doesn’t sound like you have much honour. You can choose to do what you want but be prepared that this will have lasting consequences for your relationship with your sibling

But why did you 'entertain' them then?! Why weren't you honest and say 'no, if mum leaves us both half in her will or dies without a will I'm keeping my half'. Why did you choose to lie?
And why don't you want to honour your mother's stated and written wishes re her estate, it's just a simple form to sign to give your sibling your share

I agree with you and would absolutely do the same.

I am sat here waiting for an update from @Bearingsbear20 that says:

Her DM had a lifelong disability and that her DS dedicated her life to caring for her.

That DM and DS lived mainly on the breadline and the only thing they had of monetary value was their house.

That DF was extremely wealthy, therefore, all abusive can be forgiven/forgotten.

Appalling behaviour. But @Bearingsbear20 seems like if the above is true, she simply wouldn’t give a shit.

Appalling.

100% do your sibling a favour and carry on not speaking to them. You’re a dick.

I would have nothing to do with you either. You are greedy and have less morals than an alley cat.

Out of interest, how old are you both, and how meaningful is the inheritance in both your lives? Is this an amount that will substantially change things for you? Does't make what you're doing right either way - I'm just curious about the context, and what you're willing to burn a sibling relationship over...?

But you don’t need too - you can distribute it however you want if all parties agree therefore you can abide by the draft will as your mothers wishes and you can also
morally abide by the agreement you had with your sibling

morally you are being a massive tw@t and I hope your dad changes his will and leaves your sibling half.

absolutely reprehensible behaviour from you

OP mentioned being pregnant earlier, which is why she pushed the bother of dealing with the estate onto her poor sister.

I wouldn't worry too much about the DC, though. Given OP's complete lack of care and respect for her own mother and her cruelty towards her sister, her children are far more likely to cut contact with her as soon as they are old enough than mirror her behaviour.

I've read about serial killers with more empathy and compassion than OP.

You're ignoring your mother's wishes. You are reneging on an agreement with sibling. You are following the law. Fine. Do that. Be grabby. But don't expect to have a relationship with your sibling. You are a terrible sister.

So you admit he was abusive even if you won’t use the word. You don’t have to help him, nobody does. You’re choosing to so you get your greedy, nasty, amoral hands on his money. Also, if you think your sibling’s abuse is irrelevant, then the backstory about your sibling encouraging your mum to leave him is also irrelevant. And why did you make the verbal agreement if it seems you had no intention of honoring it?